Fall Semester 2017

School has let out for the holiday and I successfully passed both of my classes, Astronomy and American Lit, with B's.  I'm kind of mad because I was only about 10 points away from an A in Lit but it was my own fault for not showing up to class about half of the time so my participation really took a hit.  I did get all A's on my papers and my presentation even though I left everyone one of them to the absolute last minute.  Legit I wrote my 6 page final the day it was due, I started it at midnight and finished at 8am.  Left me an hour to throw my presentation together before I had to get ready and leave for class.  But I got all A's so it worked out.

Family Reunion 2017 - The Ride Down

Mom, Dad, Grandma, and I packed up and left Saturday morning, stayed the night in Lebanon, Missouri and reached our destination at 5pm Sunday.  We had a long but interesting drive down.

We drove past the Gateway Arch in St. Luis.  Which I had apparently been to before but I don't remember so it was basically my first time seeing it.

We stopped off at the interesting attraction/shop.  We'd been seeing the billboards for miles and were intrigued.  I bought some fudge and they got some moonshine and a t-shirt for my uncle.  If you're ever in the area, it's worth a quick stop, only about 5 minutes off the highway.

I sent this photo to my friend Theo and he thought it was fake.  Not fake, just hilarious.  

My Cousin The Juvenile Delinquent

A basic introduction to my aunt's family.  My aunt 'Katie' is a lesbian who has been with her partner 'Dina' for 16 years.  They have my cousin Ryker who I've mentioned before and they also adopted two boys.  'Dan' is eleven and has foetal alcohol syndrome and an intellectual disability, pretty much the nicest kid you'll ever meet.  'Don' is ten and has foetal alcohol exposure, prenatal cocaine exposure, ADHD, ODD, and some other things that have yet to be diagnosed.  So suffice to say, he has some problems.  Don is such a handful that I'm one of the only people that will child-mind for them anymore.

Well yesterday I was over there childminding and Don asked if he could go out and play with his friends, I said yes but to come back in an hour to check in and then he'd be able to go back out if he wants.  So he comes back an hour later, I say he can go out for another hour and then he's in for the night.  He leaves and two minutes later, Dan comes and gets me saying Don is in my aunts car.  I go out there and he has indeed locked himself in the car.  I tried talking him out but he wouldn't so I go back in to grab my mobile and phone my aunt, they say they're close and they'll be back in 10ish minutes.  I go back out and tell Don he'd better get in the house before they get back or he'll be in worse trouble.  He then decides he's going to DRIVE THE CAR.  

He backs it up and over a bush right next to the house.  Keeps going back and forth in the driveway for like 5 minutes.  I'm on the phone again to my aunt (freaking out) 'he's driving the car you need to get home RIGHT NOW!'  He stops the car pretty much in the middle of the driveway.  I again try to get him out, telling him his parents are on the way and it'd be easier for him if he just out out now.  He starts wailing 'don't call don't call,' and starts driving again.  Ends up crashing into the garage door, leaving a big dent.  The car is now in roughly the position it started in.  He finally gets out of the car.  Does a hulk like pose and screams "I just drove a car!"  

I drag him into the house, make him hand over the keys and then try to get him to his room.  Again I tell him he'd best listen and his parents are on the way and he'd better be in his room when they get back.  He starts screaming and runs to the phone to try and call them.  They don't answer, he tries two more times and then shoves the phone off the counter.  Starts running all over the place.  My aunts finally get back.  He runs out and meets them in the driveway.  My aunt is looking over her car, it's all scratched up, the bumper in loose.  "Don what happened?!"  "I didn't do anything.  It was already like that."  Cause she's going to believe that.  "Get. In The. House. Now."  He hops on his bike and rides off.  Dina jumps into the van and takes off after him.  My aunt has Dan fetch Don's new PS3 controller and smashes apart with a hammer.  We go into the house and I tell her what happened.  Dina shows back up saying she couldn't find him.  They discuss calling the police and eventually decide to go back out and look for him.  So they leave, Dan and I are hanging out seeing if Don'll come back to the house.

Ten minutes later my aunt comes in dragging Don by his neck/shirt.  I stand there awkwardly there while she spanks him and then puts him on the couch.  I say I'm gonna go and my aunt asks how much she owes me.  I say don't worry about it and leave.  I go outside and Dina is sitting on their front lawn.  WTF.  I ask what's going on and she explains that Don knocked her over.  I help her up and she asked if I was paid.  I say no but it was fine and not to worry about it.  She insists on paying me the $10.  I go home and tell my parents about my exciting evening.  

So yeah, I certainly had an interesting time yesterday.  I don't know what they're going to do with him.  He's always in trouble, always.  Ten years old he's been expelled from 5 different schools, keeps sneaking out at night, already tried to set the house on fire.  They keep having to call the police.  Police don't do anything, his doctors don't do anything it's only a matter of time before he ends up in juvenile hall.  

Plasma Donating

As ya'll know I'm unemployed and waiting on disability and lately I've gotten particularly tired of being perpetually broke so I started donating plasma.  I've no problem with needles and have a lot of free time so it's a decent way to make $60 a week.  I've been going since mid May and overall it goes decently.  There have been a few issues.  

Like the fact that I have 'bad' veins and only one person there 'Trish' has managed to successfully stick me, so until the people realized that, I had to deal with what seemed like every person in the office unsuccessfully digging the needle around in my arms.  Mostly that's stopped (except the time I went in and Trish wasn't working, which actually kind of worked out because if they stick you and can't get the vein, you get to leave but they still pay you full price) and the people know to just have Trish do the poking.  She doesn't always manage to get it on the first arm but she's still better than everyone else who can't get it at all.

And there were the times I felt really poorly and they had to stop the machine to fan me and give me something to drink.  One of the times that happened the machine didn't start back up properly and I didn't end up finishing the donation.  Plus because the machine wasn't working they were unable to return a fair amount of my blood which I'm sure contributed to the horrible cold I came down with 4 days later.  Once 'Shae' said I turned so white she thought I was going to turn into a piece of chalk, which was rather amusing.  

And of course there was the first day I went in, which took SIX AND A HALF HOURS and I didn't even get to donate.  It took forever to get me set up in the system and then when I finally got to the back, the guy that stuck me fucked it up so bad that I couldn't donate for a week.  He stuck the needle in and I just immediately got a huge bruise.  I don't know what the fuck he did because I've had like 10 different people poke me since then and that hasn't happened again.

Yeah, but other than all of that it's been going pretty well.  I managed to save all the money I need for the family reunion (which is the week of the 16th and I will definitely post about when I get back) and I even had extra to buy some books and stim toys and to help out an acquaintance.  Here is their fundraiser if you'd like to help out.

End of Semester/Beginning of Summer Holiday

I did fine in my classes from last semester.  Maths was a bitch but I did okay.  My Lit course was interesting, we read some cool stuff.  American Multicultural lit, we read a bunch of different stuff: Arab, Asian, African, Hispanic, Native, and LGBTQ.  Introduced me to some cool authors.  I successfully did a presentation.  Ten minutes on any artist/author/musician in a way that relates to multiculturalism.  My presentation focused on autism/neurodiversity as demonstrated by John Elder Robison in his memoirs/autobiographies “Look Me in the Eye” and “Be Different.”  I do not like presentations but this one wasn’t that bad.  I wrote down exactly what I was going to say and was just able to read it off.  I got 100% on my presentation so not bad for my first successful presentation. 

School let out a month ago and I’ve elected to not take any summer classes as it would clash with the family reunion this year which is taking place in Branson, Missouri.  So, I get a nice enjoyable 3-month long holiday.  I’ve just been hanging out a home, reading, playing video games, donating plasma (that will be my next post), helping out my grandmother.  On Sunday, I have to go over and paint her front door and maybe the door to her garage.  But mostly I’m just relaxing at home and doing some fun day trips.  My parents and I went to Sandusky to pick some stuff up and we visited my great aunt for a bit.  Yesterday we, along with my sister and nephew went to Sauder’s Village (interactive museum about live in the 1800’s) for the day.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 30

Talk with pride. Are you proud to be autistic? How do you show the world your pride?

I am not proud to be autistic. Not because I’m ashamed or anything but because I take issue with the concept of pride itself. I have a bit of an issue with being proud of things that are outside of my control. How can someone be proud of something they didn’t accomplish? It just strikes me as kind of odd. I think in order to have pride for something, it has to be something you have accomplished or played a role in. I’m not proud to be trans or white or autistic, it’s just who I am. While I wouldn’t say I’m proud to be autistic I’m definitely not ashamed of it. I quite like being autistic; it’s who I am. I certainly would not want to be anyone else. Autism provides so many great experiences that typical people don’t get to have. So while I am not proud to be autistic I am quite happy being so and would not wish to change it.

I don’t show pride so much as I show my experience and thoughts, both with this campaign and year round. I’ve not been as forthright in the past, particularly with the people I am close to but I’ve not really held anything back in this campaign. Several of my family have approached me and said they understand me much better now and that’s really what I was hoping for. For people to understand the autistic though process and how we experience things on a day to day basis. I think I’ve definitely made a good start though this campaign and I will hopefully continue to be able to put my story out there.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 29

Talk about executive functioning. Do you experience executive dysfunction? How do you deal with it?

The formal definition of executive functions is: 'a set of processes that all have to do with managing oneself and one's resources in order to achieve a goal. It is an umbrella term for the neurologically-based skills involving mental control and self-regulation'. Executive functions are the skills that everyone uses to organize and follow through with information and instructions. This includes planning, working memory, attention, problem solving, verbal reasoning, inhibition, cognitive flexibility and, initiation of actions. People with autism often have deficits with executive functioning.

I have so many problems with executive dysfunction which my parents usually attribute to laziness or procrastination. They don’t seem to realize that I’m (usually) not being lazy I just don’t know where to start. The best way I’ve found to deal with executive dysfunction are lists, getting into a routine, clear instructions and, timers. For important tasks, I make a list with clear and detailed instructions and I set times for how long I have to work. Frequent breaks help to keep me from getting overwhelmed. I’ve found that this is the best way to get me to function, though it doesn’t always work.

One of the biggest things I have trouble with is lack of clarity in instructions. This is especially noticeable in schoolwork that has non-detailed instructions. I become stressed, panicky and, unable to start on projects that are not clearly detailed which often results in me leaving it to the last minute and then having to rush to finish it. I just had a presentation I had to do and the instructions included a list of questions we were supposed to think about but it also said not to answer all of them or use them as a way to organize the presentation. If we weren’t supposed to use them then why the fuck were they included? It also told us to have a handout or PowerPoint but didn’t actually say what we were supposed to include on it, how long it was supposed to be, or how we should format it. She didn’t tell us what the grading criteria was. The whole thing was so confusing and stressful.

I think there needs to be a determination about whether being able to do something, but not actually doing it/being able to do it some or the majority of the time actually counts as being able to do something. For example, when doing laundry, I know how to fold and put away my clothes and I’m physically capable of doing so but when it comes to actually doing it there seems to be a disconnect. Most of the times my clothes end up folded or unfolded and placed in a pile on the chair or floor. In the process of doing the task my brain just kind of stops halfway though and things remain undone.

It can depend on what I’m doing but I often have a hard time moving from one task to another. It’s like I get stuck and just can’t move on or stop what I’m doing. Even if it’s something I want to do. One of the most common situations this happens in is when I’m in the car; I will arrive someplace but be unable to make myself get out of the car. This also seems to happen a lot when I’m at my grandmothers and trying to leave, I’ll be sitting there and say, ‘I’m leaving now’ but be unable to actually leave. Sometimes I end up stuck there for over an hour continually saying I’m leaving but unable to actually get out of the door.

Another way I’ve found to stave off executive dysfunction is getting into a routine. Like when I first started cleaning the house, my tasks were out of order, half of the things didn’t get done, it took forever as I jumped from task to task. Now that I’ve gotten a routine down, I do things in the exact same order every time and it goes much more smoothly. Unless for some reason I can’t stick to my routine and then I become stressed out and irritable. This can often lead to the unfortunate occurrence of an argument on cleaning day when people are over and my parents try to reorganize how I clean. My parents don’t seem to understand that I need to do things in a certain order.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 28

Talk about autism as a disability. Do you think autism is a disability or a difference? Or both? Do you feel more disabled by society than by your autism?

I would definitely say autism is both a disability and a difference. Some aspects are positive while others can be disabling. I believe that I am more disabled by society’s lack of accommodations than by being autistic. My behaviors and social skills are not wrong they are just different and if it weren’t for NTs being so particular about the proper way to behave, I would not be disabled, or at least not to the extant that I am. However, even if the barrier of having to present in a typical way was removed I would still have a lot of trouble with things and I would still class myself as being disabled.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 27

Talk about eye-contact. Do you make eye-contact? Why or why not? Does it make you uncomfortable?

I don’t make a lot of eye contact. It makes me really uncomfortable and when I am doing it, it takes up all of my attention. So, I can either be looking into someone’s eyes or I can be listening to what they’re saying. I will do brief glancing eye-contact with the people I’m really comfortable with, but the neurotypical brand of eye-contact is outside of my capabilities. I don’t really catch or understand the little micro expressions people do so it seems kind of pointless to make eye-contact when I don’t get anything out of it and it stresses me out. I usually use vocal tone to figure out their emotions which seems to work well for me.

In school and out in public I usually wear sunglasses. They serve 2 purposes: to block out the fluorescent lighting that most places seem to have and to hide my lack of eye-contact. In cases without the sunglasses I typically look at the ground or off to the side, though sometimes I attempt to appear like I’m looking them in the eye and I look at their forehead. But for the most part I don’t really care, most people know I’m autistic so it seems like a waste of time trying to blend in when it really serves no purpose.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 26

Talk about echolalia and scripting. Do you use echolalia? What about scripting?

Echolalia is defined as the meaningless repetition of another person's spoken words. I don't really agree with this. Just because echolalia is a different way to communicate does not mean it's wrong or meaningless. Scripting is a form of echolalia.

I don’t do much verbal echolalia. At least not in conversation, I do seem to have a lot of echolalial stims. I’ve mentioned my ‘Nicky Nicky Nicky’ that I used to do as well as ‘Bah bah bah bah bologna.’ The majority of my echolalia seems to be sort of mental repetition. I’ll say or hear something and end up repeating it in my head for ages and ages. And it usually has a progression to it. Something like ‘I went to the store’ will eventually become either just ‘store store store’ or me spelling it out over and over. Sometimes I do catch myself saying it out loud but usually it’s just in my head.

A lot of my verbal communication is scripting. I do have a semi-functional collection of phrases to get me though the most common social scenarios. My mother has commented that I don’t have a conversation so much as make statements, which makes sense if I’m scripting a lot. The downside of scripting is that its only really useful for basic small talk and very common interactions. Anything more intensive than asking and responding about the weather or how I am today actually requires a thought-out response, which is unfortunate and can make me seem somewhat laggy. I’m sure my interactions get boring as well if I’m always saying the same responses. I do try to kind of alternate my phrases every once in a while so conversations with me aren’t quite so monotonous but I’m not sure how well I actually accomplish that.

My language is already odd, it’s stiff and more formal and my terminology is a bit different from the typical person my age. As I’ve mentioned before Britain is a special interest of mine and I’ve picked up a bunch of British terminology which has worked its way into my scripts. I’m sure this comes across as even more odd as the typical American doesn’t go around saying things like ‘this needs to be put in the post,’ or ‘mind the lorry’ or ‘I have chocolate digestive biscuits.’ I should probably make it more of a priority to learn some new and more common scripts but as I can usually communicate okay it’s not something I’m too chuffed about.