30 Days of Autism Acceptance Day 19

Talk about your struggles and strengths.  What things are difficult for you because you are autistic?  What are the positives of being autistic?  Do you have a special skill or talent?

I would say that for me, social interaction is definitely the thing I struggle with most in regards to my autism.  I’ve still not totally got the hang of how to be social and often have trouble with conversations, even with my parents and close relatives.  My mother says that it feels as if I don’t have I conversation so much as make statements.  I can never think of what to talk about and essentially end up repeating the same scripts every day.  It’s also really hard when things go off schedule, I don’t exactly have a set schedule but plans changing at the last minute or being told to do things in a different way is incredibly stressful.

The sensory processing issues I have are, I suppose, both a positive and negative.  It sucks to have such strong aversions to things but at the same times the good sensory input is amazing.  So maybe I’ll never be able to prepare raw chicken by myself but the joy I get from touching soft things and burrowing under my weighted blanket kind of makes up for.  It seems that NTs don’t get to experience things as intensely as we do, I think that’s kind of sad. 

Positives are being able to experience the world in a different way, it’s cool to be able to experience the world in a way outside of the norm.  It actually seems like it’d be quite boring to be NT.  I can’t imagine it would be enjoyable having to conform in the way that they do, at least with being autistic I have a reason for being odd.  Special interests are definitely a positive (provided they are something appropriate). It’s so easy for me to absorb all the information about a special interest, like you can be an overnight ‘expert’ on whatever you’re into which is pretty cool.  I don’t really think NTs have the same ability to do that, at least not to the extent that autistic people can.

I don’t really have a special talent per se, but I do seem to be an exceptionally strong writer.  Most of my talent seems to be centered around language/linguistics.  I excel at word based subjects such as English and history and I love reading.  

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 9 Prompt 2

Talk about special interests. Do you have a special interest? What is it? Feel free to infodump.

Before I knew I was autistic and realized that special interests are common with us, people (including myself) thought it was a little weird that I had such intense obsessions. Others didn’t seem to be as fixated about things as I was and it made me stand out a bit when I wouldn’t stop talking about roman mythology or homeless people, or whatever my interest at the time was. Finding out I was autistic and that this was normal for us really helped me to realize that my obsessions were okay and I wasn’t weird for having them.

For as long as I can remember I've always had an obsession with one thing or another. Sometimes they were normal and age appropriate (Scooby Doo, Harry Potter, the TV show LOST) and sometimes they weren't (homeless people, prosthetic limbs, my 55-year-old boss.) They usually last a few years before they disappear, usually when there is nothing more to be learned on the subject or a new interest develops. Some of are a bit more awkward than others; such as my homeless person fixation. Which my parents found endlessly annoying because apparently a 10-year-old who talks about nothing but homeless people is embarrassing.

Harry Potter/Snape/Alan Rickman has been probably my greatest and longest lasting special interest. There’s such a good community and always unnoticed or additional information to go over. I have several secondary special interests, though right now my love of all things British may be tied with HP for top interest. I’m also really into the Lion Guard (though I love all things Disney the lion guard is most important right now). I also love squirrels. Interesting fact about the fox squirrel, which is the most common squirrel in north America, they range in weight from 1.2 to 2.2 pounds though they can weigh as much as 3.5 in preparation for winter. Another squirrel fact: squirrels are nearly immune to rabies. And my final special interest is the British foster care system (which I suppose would fall under Britain).

I love collecting things relating to my special interests. Which my mother usually yells at me for as she clearly doesn’t understand how much I need these things. I own a bunch of lion guard stuff which my mother says is immature but whatever. The lion king was my favorite thing when I was a kid and I think it’s great that Disney has brought it back for the next generation. I love collecting books in general but I have a bunch of British fostering memoirs. In fact, I just received 6 more books on Tuesday and I’ve actually read them all already. They were so good, I just couldn’t stop even though I should have as I had an important paper to write for school but the books arrived on the day I had to write it and well, I’m not very good at controlling my impulses when it comes to my special interest. I will say that I did manage to get the paper done after I read two of the books (the latest by Cathy Glass and Casey Watson if you’re interested). I also have a ton of Harry Potter stuff. The best of which is a life-size cutout of Snape which is fucking awesome.  Here's some of my Harry Potter collection:

General Update - February 2017

I know I haven't updated in literally forever I've just been kind of lazy I guess.  I'll make an effort to update a bit more regularly.  For now since so much time has passed I'm just going to do a sort of short general post about the major stuff that has happened and may do some other updates about specific incidents if I can recall enough info.

• My depression has been a lot better since my med change.  No not nearly as many suicidal thoughts and my anxiety has improved as well. 
• I'm adjusting to my new therapist.  She's okay but she's not the same as Rachel and it still just feels kind of off.
• School is going well.  Passed my classes from last semester with A's and I'm doing well this semester.  I'm taking Multicultural Lit and my second remedial algebra class.  Thankfully after I finish this math class I only need one college algebra credit for my major.
• I won second place in my schools writing contest which my current Lit professor embarrassed me about by announcing it in front of the entire class.  I hadn't even known I'd come in second so that was really fucking awkward.
• I had a good Thanksgiving and Christmas.
• There's still been no news about my father's estate which I'm quite pissed off about at this point as it should have been settled a year ago.
• My stepfather has been having some medical issues lately.  Two weeks ago his tongue swelled up and then today he had some sort of seizure/fainting spell.
• My current special interest is the Lion Guard and I'm super excited for the final episode of the first season this Friday.
• I absolutely love the Fantastic Beasts movie and cant wait to get it when it comes out.  If you haven't seen it I strongly recommend it.  My favorite character is Credence.
• My friend/ex-boyfriend just revealed to me that he is sexually attracted to children, which really fucking grosses me out. He says he's not done anything but I reported it to the police just in case. I don't want to feel responsible if something happens.  I have enough shit of my own going on. I'm really unclear as to what I'm going to do about that situation.
• Alan Rickman's birthday is today and as per tradition I have binge watched Alan Rickman movies and baked a cake (which is technically for my grandmother's birthday tomorrow.)
• Voloyda is doing fine.  We've hung out a few times but he's not done anything noteworthy 

That's about it.  All I can think of at the moment anyway.  I may expand on some of the things listed above in their own posts if I feel inclined or if there's something specific you want to hear more about leave a comment and I'll make sure to expand on it.

Christmas 2015

Markus, my favorite and I think only reader, asked what I got for Christmas.  Now Christmas was two months ago and I'm having a hard time remembering everything so I'm going to do a list format for each person/group.

Mom
She got me: sheets, a coloring book, a robe, socks, pajama pants, a sweater, thermals, 2 t-shirts, a bread knife, an iTunes card, Funko Pop Snape, 3 books on England, portable charger, Mr. Bean DVD set, Cards Against Humanity, slippers, men's toiletry kit,
I got her: a pan, pillowcases, a portable charger, 12 books, a blow-dryer and diffuser, a meat tenderizer, Curly Wurly chocolate bars (which are no longer sold in the US and I had to special order from the UK)

Dad
He got me: $200
I got him: a t-shirt, two pairs or track pants, a set of candles, a bottle of vodka

Grandma
She got me: sheets, 2 body pillows
I got her: socks, recipe card dividers and box, a purse

My aunts' family
They got me: my Snape cutout, an amazon gift card, a red lobster gift card
I got my aunts: movie gift cards
Ryker: an adipose plushie, Dr. Who car sticker, steam card, dalek figurine, Dr. Who t-shirt
Little Cousin 1: 2 animal themed DUPLO sets
Little Cousin 2: 2 Star Wars action figures, a fidget set

My sister and nephew
She got me: $50, measuring spoons, a 13x9 pan, a baking sheet
I got her: a roasting set, a gift card for a pedicure
Nephew: the book mr. grumpy's outing (my favorite when I was little), a wooden train with stack-able blocks

My step-sister's daughters 
They got me: an iTunes gift card
I got both of them: boots

Theo
He got me: new Apple earpods
I got him: Scott Pilgrim vs, the World, 3rd Cards against Humanity expansion, a little Baymax plushie, British sweets

My aunts dog Titus: 2 dumbbells (1 spikey 1 squeeky), 2 tubes of tennis balls, a large bone, a loofa dog, treats, some holiday themed rawhides

I also got a $50 gift card from my other step sister

I think that's everything.  I'll update it if I remember anything else (which I just did actually).

And here's the picture of Snape he asked for:

And this other one I took yesterday:

Snape is ready for the Slytherin Quidditch game.

School/Christmas Update

What's up people?  Sorry it's been ages since my last update.  Between school and the holidays I've been pretty busy.  I've been busy but not a whole lot of interesting stuff has been going on so I expect this to be a rather boring update.  

I passed my fall semester with two B's so that's pretty good.  I would have done better but I couldn't be bothered to go to class everyday.  I wrote some decent papers which I may post on here at a later date.  Three weeks into the current semester and everything is going well.  I'm taking Composition 2 which I have no concerns about; I love writing.  I am also taking algebra which I am concerned about.  I suck at maths.  However I've got 19.75 out of 20 points so far in the class and aced my first test in there so hopefully I'll do okay.  I sent my professors an email beforehand letting them know I'm autistic and trans and my preferred name.  For the most part it's been okay.  They both asked about any accommodations for my autism and there have only been two name slip-ups.  They haven't messed up my pronouns at all so that's good.  

I watched my aunts' house over the holidays and as usual spoiled their dog.  I got and gave some cool stuff for Christmas.  Some books and some tv series relating to my new special interest of Britain.  My most useless but also one of my favorite gifts was a cardboard cutout of Severus Snape.  It's awesome.  I thought for sure it would freak me out in the morning to wake up and see someone standing there but it's been fine.  I'm very upset that Alan Rickman has died.  A large portion of my Christmas money has gone to purchasing 8 new Alan Rickman movies.  I also bought this shirt: http://www.teeturtle.com/products/always which is awesome.  And like 20% of the cost went to the Cancer Research Institute.  

Great news in that I finally, after over two years of waiting, have got a date for my disability hearing.  So hopefully that'll go through and I'll get some money.

That's about it.  As I said nothing very exciting has happened lately.  I'll update again soon, promise I won't go another two months without updating.

General Update

All of these things happened between July 18th and September 1st.

Had a little bit of a rough patch about a month and a half ago.  My step dad and I sometimes don't get along well and we clashed a bit.  He was screaming that I needed to  move out and I was screaming that I wasn't going anywhere and that I'd rather die than be homeless.  And he was going on and on about how it's his house, and I'm driving him crazy and I ruined his marriage.  And I'm freaking out because I don't have anywhere else to go.   So I grabbed this knife and said if he wanted me out of his life that bad I'd stab myself in the throat and he'd never have to deal with me again.  And Mom's crying and telling me that I didn't ruin their marriage and I didn't have to go anywhere and trying to get the knife away from me and yelling at him to shut up.  I was totally freaking out.  I really probably should have gone into the hospital but after I calmed down I was mostly okay and didn't end up going.

This part is kind of gross so if you're squeamish you may want to skip to the next paragraph.  A few days after the above incident I went upstairs at 11;30 to find my mother sobbing in the kitchen.  The end of her finger was completely black and swollen so I ended up taking her to the emergency room.  The doctor numbed it up and then sliced the skin open right above her finger nail and all kinds caramel colored pus and blood shot out.  It was awesome.  Mom's really not into stuff like that and covered her face the entire time so she wouldn't have to see.  The doctor said if I liked stuff like that I should consider going into the medical field.  I took her to her GP the next day and they ran some blood work and it turns out she has MRSA.

My grandmother has diabetes and lately her blood sugar has been bottoming out.  The day after all of the above happened with mom I had to spend the night at grandma's because her sugar bottomed out and the paramedics wouldn't let her stay home unless someone came over.  Well I was the lucky person that gave up my evening to go over there.  Normally I would have been happy to do so but it was Thursday night and ten minutes before Impractical Jokers came on.  I watch one show on TV and somehow it always gets interrupted.  So she calls me and asks if I can come over I said I would but could she wait an hour so I could watch my show first and the paramedics said no.  I drove all the way over there missing my show and the pie I had made, and had to sleep in the uncomfortable bed and then she bitched about taking me out to breakfast the next morning.  Ungrateful much?  I ended up watching the episode on iTunes the next day while eating my special peanut butter pie but it was still an inconvenience.  When I told my therapist the above happening she both laughed and said it was inconsiderate of me to have asked if I could watch my show before going over.  

On a more positive note (or would it be negative?) it has yet to be seen how it plays out long term, but Voloyda and I have mutually decided on a platonic relationship.  We decided to separate two months ago with no hard feeling on either side and it has gone quite well.  We still hang out occasionally as friends and there have been no issues, apparently he's been seeing someone new.  I've also been going out with a new partner.  I met them (preferred pronoun they/them/their) online in a genderfluid group and found out they live in my city so we've been out several times.  I shall call them 'S' for simplicity.  We attended Pride together which was fun and I learned how to drive a stick shift after S got too buzzed to drive us back to my house.

I am quite happy to say that I am officially over David as my special interest.  I thought Impractical Jokers would replace him but it hasn't and now I've been special interest-less and it's so boring.  What the hell am I supposed to do all day without a special interest to occupy me?  I've been looking into things but so far nothing has stuck.  Hopefully I'll find something soon because life is rather boring with only my minor special interests to occupy me.

My New Special Interest

I believe my obsession with David has finally passed.  (God that feels really fucking weird to say.) He sort of hovers around the edge of my subconscious but I don't really actively think of him.  Instead my mind has been focusing on  Impractical Jokers, keying in on Q in particular. So this is your heads up that I'll most likely be info-dumping about the show and Q.

I've watched the show since it first started but gotten really into it over the last couple months.  It's one of the things I can watch over and over.  I'm saving up to get the seasons on DVD, I have them on iTunes but I'd be nice to have them on disk so I could watch them on TV instead of just my computer.  Season Seven started last night and I had a whole Happy Flap moment.  I haven't had a Happy Flap regarding a TV show since LOST was on the air.

I'm happy to finally be over David.  Though I do wish my obsession would have transferred to something besides another person, at least Q is a little safer interest in that he lives in New York and I'll never meet him.  I imagine it'll go the same way as my obsession with Alan Rickman; though most likely not as severe.  I don't think anyone could ever top my love for Alan Rickman.

Info-dumping: The supplying of a very large amount of (most likely unwanted) information.
Happy Flap: The hand flapping motions autistic people make when happy or excited.