30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 3

Talk about relationships, both platonic and romantic. Do you have anyone special in your life? Have your relationships been affected by your being autistic? Have you found it hard to make and maintain friendships? Do you have a lot of friends or very few?

For someone my age, I believe I’ve had fewer romantic relationships than is common. With the exception of Voloyda, the majority of my romantic relationships have ended because my datemates think I’m strange, which I suppose I am. People say that I’m weird and I like to state that I’m perfectly normal for an autistic person. I’ve not seriously dated anyone since I received my diagnosis, but I’m thinking that when I do start dating again it might go a bit easier now that I was an explanation for my odd behaviors.

I’ve never really been able to make and maintain friendships. Especially when I was little, I just never really fit in and the other kids thought I was weird. As I got older and my social anxiety worsened, I stopped trying. By the time I got to high school, I didn’t talk to any of my classmates. It was to the point where I was talking to my teacher and a girl I had been in classes with for two years told me that up until that point she thought I was mute because she had literally never heard me say anything.

I don’t have many friends, I’m friendly with a few people online but my only in person friends are Theo and Voloyda. Theo’s been my BFF ever since we met in the seventh grade. We were attending a school for kids with ADHD and Asperger’s and we clicked right away. I’ve known Voloyda since I was 15, it’s kind of been the ten-year on-again-off-again relationship. He’s a good friend, for the most part, and he was a good partner when we dated. I had friends from work but those kind of tapered off after I got fired. I’ve never really been one to ‘keep in touch’ and it felt awkward trying to keep it going after everything that happened.

Though I don’t have many friends, I wouldn’t really say I’m lonely; I like being alone. I do wish I had a few more people to hang out with but for the most part I’m pretty content. People don’t get me and it kind of seems like a waste of time to expend energy trying to achieve and maintain friendships that will most likely end when the person deems me ‘too weird or boring.’

Turned Down at the Movies

Days until restraining order is lifted: 249

Theo and I went to the movies today (we saw “The Heat” which was hilarious and I totally want to see it again and “Despicable Me 2” it was good but not as good as the first one) and there was this super-hot guy in his 50’s that works there.  So as we were leaving the first movie I saw this guy and was all like ‘Theo he is so hot.  I need to go talk to him.’ And Theo was like ‘No!’ and so we went and wandered the mall for an hour.  So when we came back for the next movie he was still there and I said I was going to talk to him.  Theo and I got our seats in the theater and I went in search of this man.  I swear he was avoiding me, every time I got close to him he would go either behind the ticket counter or into what I assume was an office (I couldn’t really see into it).  I eventually, after about 20 minutes, succeeded in catching him and this was our conversation:

Me: Excuse me, sir?

Him: Yes, how can I help you?

Me: Well I was wondering if you were, you know, seeing anyone?

Him: What?
Me: Maybe you'd like to go out with me sometime?

Him: Oh, um, yeah.  I’m already taken.

Me: Oh.  Sorry.  *awkward silence*  This is really awkward.  I'll just go back to my movie now.

I went back to my theater and when I told Theo what happened he laughed at me.  That’s not even the worst part the guy is like a manager at the theater.  I’ll bet he’s there every time I go to see a movie from now on.

Getting to Know Greg

Days until restraining order is lifted: 284

Well, I haven’t updated in a few days.  I have a wicked bad cold; fever, cough, runny rose, headache.  It fucking sucks.  Who the hell gets sick in the summer anyway?  Lucky me.

Greg and I continue to talk.  We might go out again next week.  He totally noticed Theo following us.  (Dammit Theo!  Way to be stealthy!)  I guess Greg wasn’t as unobservant I as thought.  Good for him.  It’s nice to be talking to a guy who actually pays attention to what’s going on around him.

My step-father is having surgery and I have to be home to take care of him.  Yay me!  I’m so excited!  Not.  Why he couldn’t have had this surgery before my mother went back to work I have no idea.  She was off for 10 months.  He couldn’t have done it then?  Of course not, he gets scheduled four days after she returns to work.  What the bloody fucking hell?

Some asshole backed up into my car and bent the shit out of my license plate.  It pissed me off.  At least it was only the license plate.  I should be able to straighten it out.  Now where did I put that hammer?  LOL

Date with Greg Part 2

Days until restraining order is lifted: 288

Well Greg and I went on our date yesterday.  I had Theo follow us to make sure the man didn’t kill me.  Theo had on this super bright blue and purple shirt.  Does he not know how to be inconspicuous?  Men, they have no sense of stealth.  It didn’t help that Greg held the door open for him when we left the restaurant.  Fortunately, Greg like most men was remarkably unobservant.  LOL.

So Theo and I arrived at the restaurant 30 minutes early and explained the situation to the hostess

H: So table for two?

T: Well kind of

O: There’s three of us but we need to be at different tables

T: She has a date. But hasn’t met the man so I’m here to make sure she’s safe

O: So if we could get tables near each other so he could see what’s going on

H: So you want it to be like secret

T: Yes

H: How about a table separated by a wall

O: That would be perfect

So Theo was seated in a two person booth on one side of the wall and I was seated in a booth on the other.  Our waitresses were so funny they kept coming over and talking to us.  Telling us about similar situations they had.  And when Greg got there they kept coming over and asking how everything was. 

That dinner was the most awkward meal I have ever experienced.  We don’t really have anything in common and I had no idea what to talk about.  It didn’t help that he lied about how many children he has.  When we were texting he said he had 2 children but, at dinner he said he had three.  And one of his daughters is named “October” as well.  That’s weird I didn’t really think my name was that common.  After we ate we decided to go over to the mall and see a movie (the mall was right across the street).  We were walking out and Theo was right behind us.  Greg ended up holding the door open for him.  Theo said later that they made direct eye-contact. 

Theo started walking over to the mall and Greg was ahead of me so I picked Theo up.  He jumped out when we got to the mall and agreed to meet in the food court.  I went and parked and met him there, Greg arrived a few minutes later.  Theo went up to the theater while Greg ran to the bathroom.  Greg and I went up and bought our tickets.  Greg and I sat in the middle of the last row and Theo sat the row in front of us to the right.  We watched the movie.  When it was over we left the theater and once again Greg ended up holding the door for Theo.  How he didn’t notice it was the same man from the restaurant I have no idea.  Men are so unperceptive.  I always notice when people are following me, though that may be because with Voloyda I’m used to having to watch out for people.  The man has me paranoid.

Overall the date was awkward but what first date isn’t awkward?  It was awkward but not necessarily bad.  But I don't think I'll go out with him again.  We don't really have anything in common.  I’ll probably text him tomorrow.   

I had to get up at 6:30 today to help with our garage sale and I am so tired.  I never get up that early.  On the plus side I made $56.  And my psychiatrist finally agreed to change my meds.  I am so happy about that.  The stuff I’ve been taking does not work.  I’ve been begging her to change them for months.  Goodbye Prozac, Hello Effexor.  Hope these new pills work.  Keeping my fingers crossed.

Finding a Man

Days until restraining order is lifted: 297

Theo and I were at the mall yesterday people watching after we saw The Hangover III (which while not as good as the other two was still quite funny.)  I said how all the old men there were really unattractive.  And then I was like, “Where do old people go to hang out?”  Theo, “The country club?”  LOL.  That’s too much work, so I put an ad on Craigslist instead.  I didn’t think quite so many people would respond.  I got over 45 responses.

Minerva

Days until restraining order is lifted: 314

Still alive... For now.  After three days and twelve messages, Minerva finally called me back.  After I told her what was going on she told me I should still be in the psychiatric hospital.   Not exactly what I wanted to hear.  At least she called me back.   

Rabbit

Days until restraining order is lifted: 322

Theo and I were driving back to my home earlier and saw a woman walking a rabbit on a leash in her fenced in backyard.  First off whom the fuck walks a rabbit to begin with.  Second where the hell do you purchase a rabbit harness?  And lastly why walk it in your fenced backyard.  If you are going to walk your rabbit at least walk it down the street.  I found the entire situation to be quite funny.  I wish I had a rabbit.  Or a dog.  Mostly a dog.  I had a dog but he got sick and died.  It saddens me.

Therapy

I had an appointment with my therapist today and on the way there Theo and I saw a homeless man with a “Will work 4 food” sign.  We were stopped at the intersection and the man was standing about three cars behind us.  I opened Theo’s window and shouted “Hey homeless guy.  Come here, I’ll give you a dollar.”  Theo handed the man the dollar and he walked away.  After we made it through the intersection Theo turned to me with a death glare and said “He touched me.”  I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard.

We got to my therapist’s 10 minutes early and were sitting in the waiting room.  She comes out “Hi! I’ll be with you in just a minute!”  Theo looks at me.  “That’s your therapist?  She needs a therapist.  She is like totally wired.”  I don’t know why I found that so hilarious but I couldn’t stop laughing.  And then the session started and she got me all depressed about my dead dog.  Dammit.  I was actually happy and then she had to go and ruin it. 

Conversation with Voloyda 3

Days until restraining order is lifted: 336

I updated my Facebook status that I was ‘happy to be alive.’  Not even thirty seconds after posting it I received a call from Theo asking what was wrong and if I was going to kill myself.  Apparently he found my happiness very suspicious.  I was actually just happy.  That happiness lasted all of 23 minutes until Voloyda began posting shit.  Here is the conversation that ensued:

O: Happy to be alive.
V: Sorry for saying I was going to kill you
O: Um.  Thank you.  I guess.
V: Your not going to file a restraining order rite
O: No.
V: Why not
O: Because that would be rude.
V: Bet you wish David was of the same opinion
O: To be fair the man was being followed.
V: But not by you.
O: I know that.  You know that.  David does not know that.
V: You could’ve told him
O: He wouldn’t have believed me.  And it’s really not that hard to stay away from someone I have no interest in.
V: I guess
O: I do miss going to The Store though.  And Annette.

O: And the restraining order is the only thing that’s keeping me alive.
V: Why
O: Due to the restraining order I can’t purchase a gun

V: There are other ways to get a gun
O: Why so if I fail to die, I end up with a felony weapons violation.  I’m crazy not stupid.
V: Please don’t kill yourself
O: I have no intention of dying anytime soon
V: We should go on a date

O: NO

V: Fine be that way.  I hate you

There goes my good mood.  Every conversation we have ends with him either calling me a ‘stupid bitch’ or saying ‘Fine be that way.  I hate you.’  He’s like a fucking four-year-old who doesn’t get his way.  It’s irritating.

Voloyda’s Craziness Part 4

Days until restraining order is lifted: 343

I went bowling with Theo and his sister Matilda.  It was fun.  It probably would have been more fun if I didn't completely suck at bowling.  Oh well, I had a good time.

Voloyda continues to follow David and Briar Rose.  I don't really see him accomplishing anything from this except maybe ending up with some restraining orders or ending up in prison.  As of yet he hasn't said anything, to me anyway, about assaulting the man; though it's only a matter of time.  I don't know what the hell I should do.  Do I tell David and risk getting arrested for violating the restraining order or say nothing knowing it's only a matter of time before Voloyda goes after him?