30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 16

Talk about treatment.  Have you been through any therapies?  What ones did you like?  Which ones didn’t you like?  Do you think autistic people need therapy for their autism?

As I was only diagnosed in 2014, I have not had and therapy specifically for my autism. I have been in therapy/treatment since the age of four when I got my ADHD diagnosis.  Since then a string of other disorders has been diagnosed, some of which I’m still being treated for.  I’ll talk more about my other diagnoses on the 21st.

I’m currently in counselling, which I like.  It’s nice to be able to talk to someone about my problems.  My therapist is good though I’m still not really used to her.  My previous therapist left about a year ago, I was with her for 10 years.  It was upsetting and I’ve still not really adjusted to this new person.  She’s good though, helping me work through some issues I have with my anxiety/depression and transness.  I also see a psychiatrist, who prescribes meds for dealing with my depression and anxiety.

When I was younger I had both play and art therapy, which I think were okay.  I’m not sure how much they helped but I didn’t have any negative experiences with it and it didn’t really feel like therapy, so I guess that’s good.  When I was in my early teens I went through a several sessions of group therapy for social skills training.  I don’t really remember much about it and I doubt it increased my social skills but it wasn’t bad or anything.  Right before I received my autism diagnosis I also attended I think like 2 sessions with a psychologist which I quickly realized was not for me.  All kinds of weird questions about how I was feeling and what made me sad.  It was pretty much the classic ‘and how does that make you feel’ situation.  I just found the whole thing kind of bizarre and didn’t go back.  

Overall I don’t really think autistic people need therapy for being autistic, we may however benefit from therapy for certain symptoms of our autism e.g. speech or occupational therapy.  Any therapy we get should be with the goal of helping us learn coping skills and how to succeed; therapy should not be forced assimilation to the neurotypical world such as with ABA.

General Update - February 2017

I know I haven't updated in literally forever I've just been kind of lazy I guess.  I'll make an effort to update a bit more regularly.  For now since so much time has passed I'm just going to do a sort of short general post about the major stuff that has happened and may do some other updates about specific incidents if I can recall enough info.

• My depression has been a lot better since my med change.  No not nearly as many suicidal thoughts and my anxiety has improved as well. 
• I'm adjusting to my new therapist.  She's okay but she's not the same as Rachel and it still just feels kind of off.
• School is going well.  Passed my classes from last semester with A's and I'm doing well this semester.  I'm taking Multicultural Lit and my second remedial algebra class.  Thankfully after I finish this math class I only need one college algebra credit for my major.
• I won second place in my schools writing contest which my current Lit professor embarrassed me about by announcing it in front of the entire class.  I hadn't even known I'd come in second so that was really fucking awkward.
• I had a good Thanksgiving and Christmas.
• There's still been no news about my father's estate which I'm quite pissed off about at this point as it should have been settled a year ago.
• My stepfather has been having some medical issues lately.  Two weeks ago his tongue swelled up and then today he had some sort of seizure/fainting spell.
• My current special interest is the Lion Guard and I'm super excited for the final episode of the first season this Friday.
• I absolutely love the Fantastic Beasts movie and cant wait to get it when it comes out.  If you haven't seen it I strongly recommend it.  My favorite character is Credence.
• My friend/ex-boyfriend just revealed to me that he is sexually attracted to children, which really fucking grosses me out. He says he's not done anything but I reported it to the police just in case. I don't want to feel responsible if something happens.  I have enough shit of my own going on. I'm really unclear as to what I'm going to do about that situation.
• Alan Rickman's birthday is today and as per tradition I have binge watched Alan Rickman movies and baked a cake (which is technically for my grandmother's birthday tomorrow.)
• Voloyda is doing fine.  We've hung out a few times but he's not done anything noteworthy 

That's about it.  All I can think of at the moment anyway.  I may expand on some of the things listed above in their own posts if I feel inclined or if there's something specific you want to hear more about leave a comment and I'll make sure to expand on it.

General Update

All of these things happened between July 18th and September 1st.

Had a little bit of a rough patch about a month and a half ago.  My step dad and I sometimes don't get along well and we clashed a bit.  He was screaming that I needed to  move out and I was screaming that I wasn't going anywhere and that I'd rather die than be homeless.  And he was going on and on about how it's his house, and I'm driving him crazy and I ruined his marriage.  And I'm freaking out because I don't have anywhere else to go.   So I grabbed this knife and said if he wanted me out of his life that bad I'd stab myself in the throat and he'd never have to deal with me again.  And Mom's crying and telling me that I didn't ruin their marriage and I didn't have to go anywhere and trying to get the knife away from me and yelling at him to shut up.  I was totally freaking out.  I really probably should have gone into the hospital but after I calmed down I was mostly okay and didn't end up going.

This part is kind of gross so if you're squeamish you may want to skip to the next paragraph.  A few days after the above incident I went upstairs at 11;30 to find my mother sobbing in the kitchen.  The end of her finger was completely black and swollen so I ended up taking her to the emergency room.  The doctor numbed it up and then sliced the skin open right above her finger nail and all kinds caramel colored pus and blood shot out.  It was awesome.  Mom's really not into stuff like that and covered her face the entire time so she wouldn't have to see.  The doctor said if I liked stuff like that I should consider going into the medical field.  I took her to her GP the next day and they ran some blood work and it turns out she has MRSA.

My grandmother has diabetes and lately her blood sugar has been bottoming out.  The day after all of the above happened with mom I had to spend the night at grandma's because her sugar bottomed out and the paramedics wouldn't let her stay home unless someone came over.  Well I was the lucky person that gave up my evening to go over there.  Normally I would have been happy to do so but it was Thursday night and ten minutes before Impractical Jokers came on.  I watch one show on TV and somehow it always gets interrupted.  So she calls me and asks if I can come over I said I would but could she wait an hour so I could watch my show first and the paramedics said no.  I drove all the way over there missing my show and the pie I had made, and had to sleep in the uncomfortable bed and then she bitched about taking me out to breakfast the next morning.  Ungrateful much?  I ended up watching the episode on iTunes the next day while eating my special peanut butter pie but it was still an inconvenience.  When I told my therapist the above happening she both laughed and said it was inconsiderate of me to have asked if I could watch my show before going over.  

On a more positive note (or would it be negative?) it has yet to be seen how it plays out long term, but Voloyda and I have mutually decided on a platonic relationship.  We decided to separate two months ago with no hard feeling on either side and it has gone quite well.  We still hang out occasionally as friends and there have been no issues, apparently he's been seeing someone new.  I've also been going out with a new partner.  I met them (preferred pronoun they/them/their) online in a genderfluid group and found out they live in my city so we've been out several times.  I shall call them 'S' for simplicity.  We attended Pride together which was fun and I learned how to drive a stick shift after S got too buzzed to drive us back to my house.

I am quite happy to say that I am officially over David as my special interest.  I thought Impractical Jokers would replace him but it hasn't and now I've been special interest-less and it's so boring.  What the hell am I supposed to do all day without a special interest to occupy me?  I've been looking into things but so far nothing has stuck.  Hopefully I'll find something soon because life is rather boring with only my minor special interests to occupy me.

It Wasn't Domestic Violence

It feels like I haven't updated in forever.  Not really been much going on with me lately.  My parents arrived home yesterday.  My father's memorial service is the 7th, so I'll probably post about that next week.  At least my mom is home and she said she'd go with me.

The past few days have been spent panicking over how to explain the bruise on my face to my parents, should they ask about it.  Voloyda and I have started dating again (you can yell at me in the comments if you like, I realize it's not exactly the best idea.)  He's living with his brother, Dima, so I've been hanging out with them a lot.  Well Thursday, Voloyda accidentally punched me in the face and it left a nice bruise.  Apparently Dima had slapped him the day before and Vova's revenge was to hide and then pop out and punch him in the chest.  It worked great other than the fact that I stumbled across him before his brother did and got socked right in the cheek.

I had therapy that evening and between my bruised face and a large scrape on the back of my wrist (inflicted by the carpet when I pitched face-first onto the floor and tried to save my phone by curling my hand around it and to my chest instead of bracing myself) she asked if someone was beating me.  And then when I told her what happened she didn't believe me and kept asking if Voloyda had injured my wrist as well.  Basically the exact scenario I wanted to avoid with my parents.  In an effort to avoid a huge issue I decided to tell them that Voloyda had hit me while LARPing.  When my mother asked me about my face (I had already told her about my wrist) I didn't even have a chance to respond before she said "LARPing?  Don't expect me to pay your medical bills."  I didn't even have to lie.  Everything when better than expected.

Attack of Paranoia

Today I had a complete meltdown (probably the one of the worst I've ever had) because I thought someone was following me.  They (most likely) weren't.  I just freaked out for no reason.  On the way home from my grandmother's I stopped at the store to get some groceries.  I pull into the parking lot and a guy pulls in right next to me, for whatever reason this caused an immediate sense of dread even though I did not know this person and he had done absolutely nothing wrong.  So I go in and shop and when I come out he's standing between our cars, which I thought was rather odd but didn't think too much about it.  He get's back in his car, I load my groceries and get into mine and pull out.  He follows me out of the parking lot and down a couple side streets that lead toward my house.  I freak out and call my dad and ask if he thinks I should call the police.  The guy turns and goes another way.  I still freak out.  I randomly drive around for another 15 minutes before going home.

I arrive home, unload my groceries, lock all the doors and, still can't calm down.  I look out the window and think I see him drive by my house so I call the police.  They talked to me a bit and tried to calm me down (which didn't work) and said they would increase their patrol of the area.  I was still freaking out, by this point it was like a full blown anxiety attack.  I'm usually not the paranoid type but I kept thinking this guy would come back and break into my house.  I called Voloyda but couldn't bring myself to say what was going on because I knew he'd freak out and I didn't really want him at my house.  I called my BFF Theo and asked if he would come over and stay the night.  He said no because he had laundry and stuff and school tomorrow.  I begged him to come over and said he could do his laundry here and I would take him to school tomorrow.  He asked me what was going on and when I told him, he agreed to come over.  He said he was at school but his mom would be picking him up at 9 and he would call me when they got back home to come and get him.  

At this point it was around 8 o'clock so I had about an hour and a half  before he would call.  I tried to use my anxiety room but it didn't work (mostly due to the fact that a closet with no escape route isn't exactly the best place to be if someone breaks into your house).  I also didn't want to take my shoes off or set down my keys or bag in the event that I had to flee the house.  So I'm pacing around the living room, peering out the windows, when I decide I can't be in the house anymore and figure I should go for a drive instead.  I grab a knife (you know, just in case) and go out to my car and drive off.  I drove around a bit before I decided that it wasn't really helping and that I should stop somewhere.  I went and stopped in a parking lot.  I was still really pumped up at this point, it hadn't really gone down any and I was debating cancelling with Theo and just going to the hospital.  I didn't really want to go to the hospital but I would have felt safer there.  I ended up going back home and texting the crisis center, thinking maybe they could help me calm down a bit.  I texted with them for 30 minutes and it helped quite a bit but I still wanted to have Theo over.  Even though I wasn't freaking out anymore I knew I wouldn't sleep at all if I was alone in the house.

By now it was about 9:15ish and I decided to go out driving again, since Theo would be calling me soon anyway.  I was out for a bit, drove into the neighboring township (about 5 minutes away) and they he called and I went and picked him up.  We went back to my house, hung out a bit, made chili cheese fries, I did my homework, and he went to bed.  That about sums it up.

I'm not generally a paranoid person, I don't react to things that way, I have no idea what set me off.  I do have panic attacks but they're always about talking to people or getting stuff done on time or leaving the house.  I freak out about stuff like that, not some guy breaking into my house. 

*I will say that CrisisLink is a fantastic service.  I've used them on several occasions and they work wonderfully.  They'll talk with you about whatever you're struggling with, not just suicide.  And unlike most crisis prevention they have a texting service which is great if you're someone like me who has trouble with phone calls.  Texting number: 703-940-0888

Vehicular Issues

I haven't been having a particularly good week.

Last Friday my parents left for Florida without me.  They get to relax in eighty degree weather for two months while I'm stuck here where it's so cold my car door is frozen shut.  Every time they go on an extended vacation I have some kind of car malfunction and this time was no different.

I've been having some problems with my tire.  It had a slow leak and I've been having to put air in every week.  So on Tuesday I had to go out and the tire looked pretty low so I drove down to the petrol station 3 blocks away to fill it up.  Only when I got there, the tire completely detached from the rim.  I've never heard of that happening before.  So my car is broke, I have no money, and my parents are 1000 miles away.  I, of course freaked out.  My dad made some calls but couldn't find anyone to help me until later so I walked home.  About 20 minutes later I get a call back from my dad saying he got our postman to come and help.  Postman come and picks me up from the house and goes to the gas station where he and his brother put the donut on my car.  Then I had to drive across the street to the auto shop and buy a new tire.  Cost me 93$.  And I had to borrow 100$ from my grandmother so I can eat for the rest of the month.  Worked off 10$ already by shoveling her walkway.  Dad says when they get back from vacation they'll buy me a proper spare tire, so as to avoid these types of situations in the future.

So then Tuesday night I had therapy which because of my tire got canceled and then un-canceled twice that day.  We just had a big snowstorm the other day, there's about 18 inches of snow but by that point the roads weren't bad.  So I'm driving home from therapy and the guy behind me is right on top of me the entire way down my street.  So my driveway's coming up, and I put my blinker on about 4 houses earlier than normal to give the guy time to back off a bit.  I go to turn into my driveway.  He fucking hit me.  I pull into my driveway thinking he would follow me in, you know, like you're supposed to if you hit someone.  Nope.  He just drove off.  What the fuck man?  I will say that he it my very lightly and there doesn't appear to be any new damage to my car but still.  The legal consequences of a hit-and-run are far greater than the consequences of an accident.  It seems like the logical step would be to stop.  He's lucky I decided not to file a report.

Vloyda's Craziness Part 20: David's Softball

There hasn't really been a whole lot going on with me.  I saw my new therapist, started a new medication, my mother was in the hospital again, Voloyda tried to trick me into running into David.  Actually now that I typed it all out I guess quite a bit has been going on.

I saw my new psychiatrist for the first time and she started me on a new medication.  It's called clomipramine and it's supposed to help me with my depression and anxiety.  I've been on it for a week and haven't noticed any improvement but it can take a few weeks to get into my system.  I'm hoping that as I get acclimated to the pills the side effects will lessen.  The side effects are pretty mellow but it has been messing with my sleeping and it's totally sapped my appetite.  Since I started on these pills I've lost 8 pounds. 

My mother was in the hospital again last week for three days.  The doctors still don't really know what's wrong with her. 

Voloyda hasn't really been bothering me about David and I thought he had finally given up pestering me until his brother Dima told me Voloyda was up to something and to be on guard with him.  And of course Voloyda proceeded to invite me somewhere.  Voloyda invited me to a park to watch his little brothers play lacrosse.  Seems innocent enough, right?  Wrong!  I googled the name of the park, I'll call it "Park Park" for simplicity, and while looking around the site I discovered a link to a different site.  Again for simplicity I'll call this new site "Senior Softball."  Do you see the problem?  Voloyda's invitation was not an innocent attempt to get me interested in what I'm sure is the exciting world of elementary age lacrosse but a conniving plan to get me to run into David!  The fiend!  Well it's almost over with anyway, David plays softball for another two weeks and then that's it.  I have no intention of going to either of those games and I don't know where David has moved to or where he works.  After he finishes softball I'll have no idea where he is.  Isn't that great?  I'll never know where he is again... unless he plays softball again next year.  Either way, I won't have to worry about it for a year.

Not a Very Good Week

This week has so far been rather bad.  I've been involved in a car accident, had a complete meltdown over Silas, almost been forcibly committed into the psychiatric hospital by my therapist and, been told by my mother to get out of the house.

So on Monday when I was heading over to see Silas, there was a wicked storm going on and all the traffic lights were out.  It was totally awesome; I love thunderstorms.  So the traffic lights came back on just before I crossed the bridge.  I get to the other side and get stopped by the light and BOOM.  The lady behind me smashed right into me and I in turn hit the person in front of me.  My front bumper was totally fine as was the car in front of me but my back bumper is like fucked up.  And the car of the person who hit me was trashed.  Her hood was folded in like an accordion.  It looked bad.  No one was injured though so the police didn't come.  It didn't set in right away but I have a wicked case of Whiplash.  My neck fucking hurts.  I can't turn it to the right at all.  Oh well, I'm not overly concerned about it.  It'll heal up.

So I finally meet up with Silas and went out to eat, played Frisbee, went to his house, watched Netflix, went to my house, made some cookies, I had a meltdown.  He did something and then I got upset and then he got upset and I started crying and then he started crying.  And I got mad that he was crying.  And then we stopped crying and watched Mulan and he went home.  So that happened.

Tuesday I had therapy and my therapist said I seemed 'off' and kept asking me if I was suicidal.  I sort of am but not enough to actually kill myself or anything.  There's a difference between wanting to die and not wanting to live.  So then she called my mother and told her to keep an eye on me and make sure I didn't kill myself.

So then yesterday my mother responded to my therapist's advice to watch me by telling me I need to get out of the house.  So last night I left.

Overall not a very good week.  I just don't feel like dealing with this shit anymore.

The Hospital

Days until restraining order is lifted: 21

When I got to the hospital I had to change out of my clothes and into scrubs.  They had to check my clothes to make sure I didn't have anything that could be used as a weapon or to hurt myself.  Later they gave me most of my clothes back for me to wear but kept my shoes and belt.  Apparently everyone is supposed to be 'wanded' with the metal detector thing but for whatever reason I was not.  My guess is that it's because the police brought me in and they assumed he had already searched me, which he hadn't.  After I changed I was taken into a separate room where I had to answer yet more questions and fill out all kinds of paperwork.  They said that I couldn't keep my phone with me and had to have it checked in but that I could copy down any numbers that I wanted off of it before they took it.  I had to sign off on all of the stuff that I wasn't allowed to keep with me like my phone and money and I.D. cards.  After the paperwork was done they showed me to my room.  They showed me where everything was and explained the rules.  Basic stuff like: no touching the other patients, lights out at 11, try to limit phone calls to 15 minutes at a time, when visiting hours were, that group was three times a day and you're encouraged but not mandated to attend.  Stuff like that.

They said I could make any calls I needed to.  I also had to give them a password for the phone should anyone call for me they would need to know the password to be put through.  My password was Alan Rickman.  I called a bunch of people, my mom and grandmother and told them what was going on.  And my sister and asked her if she could bring me some clothes and my pillow and stuff.  And Annette and Minerva and told them I was okay.  Andie came to visit me the first night (and every night after up until I was released) and brought me some stuff.  Annette and Minerva came and saw me on my third day there.  And Theo came on my fourth.

Being in the hospital was not actually that bad.  You hear all kinds of horror stories about what happens in mental wards but my stay was okay.  You have no responsibilities.  Nothing you need to be doing.  You get three hot meals a day, plus all the cereal and cookies and ice cream and fruit that you want.  Everything you need is provided for you.  You can sleep as much as you want.  You can wear your own clothes and people can bring you things from home.  The only thing I really missed was internet access.  But my sister brought me some books and I caught up on a lot of reading.  I was in there for four-and-a-half days and I think I read five books.  It was a stress free environment in which I was able to wind down and pull myself back together.

I met with a doctor every day for an evaluation and talked with a social worker.  How long you're there really depends on you.  If you do nothing but sit in your bed and cry and don't eat and don't talk to anyone and don't attend any of the groups they're not going to let you out.  I went to most of the groups, participated in the art therapy sessions and socialized with the other patients.  There were people who had been in there for weeks.  I was in there for four-and-a-half days.  When I met with the doctor on the fourth day he told me that he thought I was well enough to leave if I wanted to, but that I didn't have to if I didn't think I was ready.  I said I wanted to leave.  They filled out the paperwork, made sure I had a follow-up appointment in place with my psychiatrist, and my sister was able to take me home that night.  I was brought in around 5:30PM on the 17th and was released at 8PM on the 21st.

Anniversary

Days until restraining order is lifted: 33

Today marks the one year anniversary of my termination from The Store and my subsequent suicide attempt.  It marks the anniversary of the day that my life fell apart.  I enjoyed working at The Store and I miss it sometimes, but I've come to the conclusion that getting fired may have been the best thing for me.  It allowed me to get the help that I so desperately needed.  And without the constant pressure and stress that I was under when I was working there my health, both mental and physical, have greatly improved.  Since I was fired my anxiety and panic attacks have been greatly reduced.  And my fainting spells have almost completely disappeared.  When I was working at The Store I usually fainted at least once a week, but since my termination a year ago I have fainted only twice.  And both were in times of great stress.

I do not regret my being fired, nor do I regret attempting suicide.  But what I do regret is the stress and panic and sadness that I caused my family and friends during that time.  I am sorry for the pain I caused them and would like to thank them again for sticking by me in my time of need.  Especially my sister Andie who visited me in the hospital every day and, my friends Theo, Annette and, Minerva.  And David for saving my life.  They helped me through the most difficult time in my life and for that I am forever grateful. 

Conversation with Voloyda 9

Days until restraining order is lifted: 304

I ran into Voloyda today as I was leaving my psychiatrist.  Why he was there I have no idea.  Someone as crazy as him has obviously not been receiving the help of a therapist or psychiatrist.  Or if he has it’s not working, he’s still as crazy as ever.  Here’s the conversation we had:

V: OMG. What a surprise running into you here.

O: What the hell are you doing?

V: Well, ya know I was in the neighborhood…

O: and decided to hang out at my psychiatrists?

V: No.

O: *disbelieving look*

V: Whatever.  We should get back together.

O: You know sometimes I think that might not be such a bad idea.  I mean we did have a lot of fun when we were dating.  And then I remember how crazy you are and I’m like ‘nah.’

V: *dirty look*

It has been 61 days since the restraining order was issued.  61 days since I spoke to Annette. 

Well, two months down ten months to go.

Therapy

I had an appointment with my therapist today and on the way there Theo and I saw a homeless man with a “Will work 4 food” sign.  We were stopped at the intersection and the man was standing about three cars behind us.  I opened Theo’s window and shouted “Hey homeless guy.  Come here, I’ll give you a dollar.”  Theo handed the man the dollar and he walked away.  After we made it through the intersection Theo turned to me with a death glare and said “He touched me.”  I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard.

We got to my therapist’s 10 minutes early and were sitting in the waiting room.  She comes out “Hi! I’ll be with you in just a minute!”  Theo looks at me.  “That’s your therapist?  She needs a therapist.  She is like totally wired.”  I don’t know why I found that so hilarious but I couldn’t stop laughing.  And then the session started and she got me all depressed about my dead dog.  Dammit.  I was actually happy and then she had to go and ruin it. 

Letter to Annette

Here's a letter that I wrote to Annette.  It gets a little morbid at the end but that was only because I was planning on killing myself after I delivered it.

Annette,
     I'm sorry.  You were a good friend to me.  And I cared about you greatly.  It meant a lot to me that you tried to save my life.  And it meant even more that you visited me when I was in the hospital.  You were my best friend.  I'm sorry that I threatened you.  You should know that I would never hurt you.  Or anyone else for that matter except for maybe myself.  I can't believe you called the police on me.
     However, whatever your reasons were they were your own and I will not fault you for doing what you thought was right.  And I forgive you.  It was my fault not yours.  Do not blame yourself.  Be strong and continue with your life.  And to help you I'm leaving you my college fund which contains $25,000 and my Sweeney Todd movie.  I'm sorry it had to end this way.

Letter to David

Here’s one of the letters I wrote to David.  This was the first letter I wrote him, it was written about three-and-a-half weeks ago.  It was the one I was trying to deliver by getting him to hit me with his car.  This is probably the most pleasant of the letters I’ve written him; things went a tad bit downhill after the restraining order.  It was probably for the best it didn’t get delivered.  I had my friend “Theo” read it and he said I sounded like I was completely nuts.  Though that may have been because I said I was going to kill myself after I delivered it.  Well, here’s the letter:

      I am so sorry.  For everything.  I’m sorry for my behavior.  It was inappropriate and creepy.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  It won’t happen again.  I hope I didn’t cause you any problems with your wife.  Though if you had addressed the problem sooner instead of leading me on, it would not have progressed as far as it did.  “Stacy” told you I wanted you.  You asked me if I was stalking you.  I showed up at The Store and flirted with you all the time even after you fired me.  If you weren’t interested you had dozens of opportunities to tell me.
      I am also sorry about my ex-boyfriend.  He’s a little crazy.  I hope he didn’t cause you any trouble.  I am sorry about the messages he sent you on Facebook and that he followed you to your house.  He shouldn’t be bothering you anymore as he has been arrested.
      Thank you for saving my life.  Stacy may have been the one to pull me from the road but it was what you said that stopped me from jumping in front of the next car that came by.  I am eternally grateful.  I know you don’t believe me but I did name my godson after you.  It was the highest honor I could think of to give you.  Thank you for saving me.
      Please look after Annette.  Keep her strong.  Keep her together.  Don’t let her fall apart.
      I am so sorry for everything.  I hope you can forgive me.

Coping Skills

When I was in the psychiatric hospital I was taught coping skills.  One of the skills I was taught was writing.  That writing is a good, healthy way to express your emotions.  I have always been a strong writer and this particular skill has been of great use to me.  That’s why I started this blog.  I have also been writing letters.  I have found it quite helpful in writing down the things I wish I could say to people.  I can tell them how I feel and what I’m thinking; something I was never very good at doing in person.  I have no intention of delivering the letters but it was really helpful to write them.  Maybe I’ll post some of them on here.

David’s Old House

You can see David’s old house from the office of my therapist.  In the restraining order it states that I have to keep a block away from anywhere David may be, this includes his home, his work and, his wife. Does that mean since my therapist is within a block of his old home, which has not yet been sold, that I have to get a new therapist?