TDoV Day 1

I know my updating has been rather dismal lately and I am going to change it with the 31 Days of Trans Visibility.  The original idea is located here: Trans Days of Visibility.  Basically the idea is to answer the prompt everyday to raise awareness.  I'm probably not going to do everyday but I promise I will do at least half of them even if it's only a few lines.

Day 1: Make yourself known. Tell the world your name, age, and how you identify. Post a picture of yourself.

I do wish to remain anonymous both for my safety and the safety of the people I've mentioned on here.  Being trans and atheist isn't exactly the most accepted thing and I do worry about my safety sometimes.  As you know I prefer to go by Oliver.  I'm 24.  I currently identify as a trans man.

General Update - February 2017

I know I haven't updated in literally forever I've just been kind of lazy I guess.  I'll make an effort to update a bit more regularly.  For now since so much time has passed I'm just going to do a sort of short general post about the major stuff that has happened and may do some other updates about specific incidents if I can recall enough info.

• My depression has been a lot better since my med change.  No not nearly as many suicidal thoughts and my anxiety has improved as well. 
• I'm adjusting to my new therapist.  She's okay but she's not the same as Rachel and it still just feels kind of off.
• School is going well.  Passed my classes from last semester with A's and I'm doing well this semester.  I'm taking Multicultural Lit and my second remedial algebra class.  Thankfully after I finish this math class I only need one college algebra credit for my major.
• I won second place in my schools writing contest which my current Lit professor embarrassed me about by announcing it in front of the entire class.  I hadn't even known I'd come in second so that was really fucking awkward.
• I had a good Thanksgiving and Christmas.
• There's still been no news about my father's estate which I'm quite pissed off about at this point as it should have been settled a year ago.
• My stepfather has been having some medical issues lately.  Two weeks ago his tongue swelled up and then today he had some sort of seizure/fainting spell.
• My current special interest is the Lion Guard and I'm super excited for the final episode of the first season this Friday.
• I absolutely love the Fantastic Beasts movie and cant wait to get it when it comes out.  If you haven't seen it I strongly recommend it.  My favorite character is Credence.
• My friend/ex-boyfriend just revealed to me that he is sexually attracted to children, which really fucking grosses me out. He says he's not done anything but I reported it to the police just in case. I don't want to feel responsible if something happens.  I have enough shit of my own going on. I'm really unclear as to what I'm going to do about that situation.
• Alan Rickman's birthday is today and as per tradition I have binge watched Alan Rickman movies and baked a cake (which is technically for my grandmother's birthday tomorrow.)
• Voloyda is doing fine.  We've hung out a few times but he's not done anything noteworthy 

That's about it.  All I can think of at the moment anyway.  I may expand on some of the things listed above in their own posts if I feel inclined or if there's something specific you want to hear more about leave a comment and I'll make sure to expand on it.

General Update - October 2016

Hi friends, there's not really been a whole lot going on so this is just a brief, very basic update.  I'm doing a little better, not a whole lot but I finally had my psychiatrist and she changed my meds.  Now that I've quit the Effexor my headaches, sweatiness and sleep problems have gone away.  So that's good.  Unfortunately my car tire fucked up again.  My dad managed to find a used one at the junkyard so it was only $50 for the replacement.  School's going okay.  Over halfway through the semester now.  I'm passing both of my classes.  Generally everything seems to be going okay.

Bad Time 2

Had a bit of an episode today.  A huge meltdown and crying fit along with some serious suicide contemplation.  I really don't think my med change is helping at all.  I don't know why I'm so miserable.  I'm doing okay in school and I don't really have anything to be that stressed out about but I always feel like I'm two seconds away from a complete breakdown.  My depression hasn't been this bad since The Incident.  I really think it's only a matter of time before I end up back in the hospital.  I think if I have another breakdown like today I'm going to have to go because I really can't handle it anymore.  I'm so miserable and unhappy.

Bad Time

I've been having a rough time lately.  The doctor upped my meds but it doesn't seem to be helping much plus the side effects are awful.  My father is driving me insane.  All he does is complain about every single thing.  "I walk up the stairs too loudly.  He can hear my TV at night.  There are bubbles left in the sink after I do the dishes.  I'm lazy.  I ask annoying questions.  I spend my money on stupid things.  I'm incompetent.  I need to get my life together.  He can't wait for me to move out.  I make him miserable.  I think everything is a fucking joke."  It sure does wonders for my mental health.  And my mother doesn't take it seriously.  She thinks I'm doing better.  I'm fucking doing worse.  Every day I think of suicide.

Bad Day/Epipen Adventure

Sorry I didn't post this last week.  I had it typed up and thought I posted it but I didn't.  My bad.

I was having a rather bad day and spent most of it crying in my car in the hospital parking lot.  My father and I had an argument and he said something along the lines of how I make him and mom miserable and he wished I would leave.  So I left and spent the day crying in my car at the hospital.  I really should have gone in but my mother says I'm not allowed as they charge so much for a stay and I could just imagine getting released and her kicking me out of the house for costing her so much money. I should probably discus that with her.  I called the suicide prevention and everything, which is rather amazing in itself because I hate making phone calls.  I wasn't planning on coming home for at least a few days but it was really hot yesterday and I didn't want to sleep in the car so I came home at around 5AM.

Things were kinda rough this morning but overall the day wasn't that bad.  I only cried some.  I would have stayed in bed all day except we had company over and mom my kind of forced me to get up.  I'm glad she did, it was better than laying in bed and crying/sleeping all day.  Plus I got to stab her with an Epipen.  My mother is allergic to bees pretty bad.  Not to the point where she almost dies but she gets this rather large rash and usually has to go to the hospital.  So we're outside playing cards against humanity and she gets stung.  And of course she starts freaking out.  I'll point out that she's rather squeemish about things and has never injected herself with the epipen and she asked me (who has never done it either) to inject her.  I get the pen, read the directions; 'pull of blue safety cap and swing into upper thigh.'  Sounds easy enough.  I pull off the cap and stab her in the leg.  Except I didn't give her any warning and she was mad because she still had her pants on.  There was nothing on the directions said you needed to take off your pants.  So she's just kind of standing there in shock and goes 'what the fuck.'   And I'm just like 'did I do this right?  Did I get you?'  'I don't know?'  Apparently I did okay if she didn't even feel it.  So we're all just standing there and she goes 'I feel like there's blood running down my leg.'  She takes her pants off and there is indeed a rather large amount of blood.  So then I had to go and clean her pants.

Not Quitting the Blog

If you follow me on Facebook you would have seen my post yesterday saying it would be my last post.  It's (obviously) not.  I was having quite a bad day yesterday, with suicidal thoughts and such but I had said in the past that I would give you people a heads up if I was going to quit the blog.  I'll update you on what happened tomorrow but it's late and I don't really feel like typing it all up at the moment.

2016 Reunion/General Update

Greetings people.  I really am sorry I haven't updated in so long.  My depression has been kinda bad lately and I haven't really had the energy to write anything.  I can't remember if I mentioned it before or not (and I really can't be bothered to look right now) but my therapist, that I was seeing for years and who I really liked, quit and I've been having some issues adjusting to the new person.  She's not bad or anything, seems decent enough, but I don't really like her all that much.  I missed my last appointment and haven't rescheduled so it's been like a month and a half.  There have been a few incidents and I've been having some suicidal thoughts lately so I should probably make a new appointment.  But it's been forever since I went and so now I'm all stressed out about calling.  I don't handle phone calls well under the best of circumstances.  I need to discuss changing or adding my anxiety meds when I see my psychiatrist in September.

On a more positive note I did quite well in my sociology class this summer and passed with an A.  School starts back up for fall semester on Monday.  I was supposed to be taking history and English Lit but my English course got cancelled, which I was quite pissed about because as an English Lit major I need like 4 Lit classes and they waited until ten days before the semester starts to cancel it so the available class options were pretty slim.  I signed up for a psychology course as my replacement though and once I finish that I'll be done with all my social/behavioral credits.

We had the family reunion at the end of July.  It was a lot of fun.  Bonnie came but the only other relative I get along with well couldn't make it.  We had my step-father's annoying family down as well to come to the reunion.  Which I don't understand and didn't like because they are not part of the 'Cronwell' family.  It's a family reunion, and they are not part of that family, I don't know why my mother invited them.  And dad pitched a fit because he didn't want Bonnie, who admittedly is a little weird, around his precious daughter and granddaughters.  Because his family came down, especially because they brought an extra person without telling us before hand, we were short 2 beds.  We were already going to be short one but I had volunteered mine to Bonnie so she could stay with us and slept in my closet.  I don't like people to begin with and because of my autism I don't like change or unexpected things happening so it was just really stressful for me when everyone was in the house.

Bonnie and I went to the Zoo on Friday morning as she hadn't gone since she was a kid.  They updated the aquarium in 2015 and I've been to the zoo since then but there was always a huge line to go though the aquarium so I hadn't been through yet.  It's pretty cool.  By the time we were mostly done at the zoo my mother was calling and nagging me about when we were getting back to the house as we told her we would go and help her set up.  It was only like 1:30 and we said we'd be back around 2ish so I don't know what she was complaining about but whatever.  We went out and set up and spent a few hours hanging out in the pool before going back home.  Because we'd gone to the zoo, the cookies I was supposed to make got pushed to kinda the last minute and we ended up baking until like 11:30 that night.  Got them done though and people enjoyed them.

The reunion was great.  We had it at my mother's friends "John and Michelle's."  We've had it there before, I believe this was the third time though it could be the fourth, I had my graduation party there.  They live a bit out in the country and have a large pool, hot tub and pond with a paddle-boat.  Since I don't really like that many people and crowds stress me out, I spent most of the day swimming and taking with my aunt, grandmother, mother, Michelle, and Bonnie.  There were a few games, a pinata, the white elephant.  My cousin 'Bob' got stuck with this horrid unicorn plaque thing that I found at The Store for $4.  It was the ugliest thing I could find.  I'll see if we took a picture.  It was truly awful.  He said he was going to use it as a boat anchor.

The first week of August was spent watching my aunts' house as they went on holiday to Florida.  Eight whole days of hanging out with Titus and being away from my father.  It was nice.  (Plus I got paid $100 of which half went into my Christmas fund and the other half, because I'm terrible at managing money, was spent on buying a bunch of video games off of eBay.)  The first four days were spent studying (and by studying I mean mostly playing Skyrim and reading books with only a minimal amount of time spent actually studying) for my final exam in sociology but after that it was quite relaxing.  I love hanging out with Titus, almost as much as I loved Nicky.  Only thing I don't really like about him is that he snores like a fucking hippo and as soon as you make even the slightest movement like you're getting up in the morning, even if you're still asleep, he gets super hyper and starts racing around the room and jumping on you.  Can't say how many times I've been woken up by his feet jabbing into my kidneys.  Other than that though he's great, a big baby.

That's pretty much all that I've been doing.  I bought a new computer as my old one was purchased in 2011 and I really think it was about to fall apart.  My hermit crabs are doing well.  I've got a new one I named Merlin.  I wanted to get three more and name them Porthos, Athos and, Aramis but I went to four different shops and they either had giant ones or none at all and the last place had one and it was the right size so Merlin became a part of the colony.  I may still get three more and name them after the musketeers.  I'll try to update withing the next couple of weeks.  

Sorry I haven't updated in so long.  I've been busy and my depression has been pretty bad lately.  I'll update soon

Beginning of Summer Holiday/Myrtle Beach

What's up my loyal followers.  I've been having a good time lately.  I've done well in school, had a good holiday, and got some good news about my father's estate.  Things are going pretty well for me at the moment.  

I got an A on my autism paper and passed both of my classes with A's so that that's good.  I'm signed up for a summer class, which I'm not too thrilled about but I suppose it'll give me something to do.  It doesn't start till the 13th of June so I have another month before I have to go back.

I got some good news from my sister regarding my father's estate.  We've been kinda freaking out about what we were going to do with the oh so lovely house he left us but the city is going to take it back for us.  It will take some extra time, I was told an additional six to nine months, but at least we don't have to worry about it anymore.  Plus without having to take care of the house there should be some money left over for us.

I got back on Sunday from a week in Myrtle Beach.  I went down there with my parents and my sister and her husband and son.  It was a fun week.  We stayed at the Oceans 22 resort which was pretty cool.  We had an awesome suite with a great view of the city and the ocean.  Hung out at the beach, which was too cold to go swimming in but I went swimming in the pool.  My mother and I went to the Hopsewee plantation.  I thought it was really interesting but my mother didn't really like it all that much, she's not into history like I am though so whatever.  We walked down and took a ride on the SkyWheel which I pressured my parents into doing with me, though I don't know why as I'm terrified of heights and it really freaked me out.  It was a great view though.  We were in a pretty central place so we walked pretty much everywhere.  I did sprain my ankle the second day almost immediately at the beginning of a mile long walk to the boardwalk, it was of course right in front of my parents and this random woman who proceeded to laugh at me, so there was that to deal with all week.  It's still pretty sore.  We did a lot of shopping.  The boardwalk has this shop called the Gay Dolphin which had the most random collection of stuff.  We went to Ripley's Aquarium and I got to pet a stingray.  They're just a rubbery and slimy as I remember; I got to pet them before when I went to the Cayman Islands.  We went and seen the Pirates Voyage show dinner thing which was totally awesome, and if you get the change I would definitely recommend it. We went to Broadway at the Beach which was cool.  There's all kinds of fun shops there.  I found some new fidgety toys, a box (I collect wooden boxes), and some other little stuff like magnets and buttons.  There were several retro/pop culture shops that were really cool.  Mostly I bought postcards, my big purchase was a myrtle beach jacket.  

I also bought some hermit crabs.  And spent most of my money on putting together a crabitat.  It cost me over a hundred dollars and I still have stuff left to buy.  I didn't realize hermit crabs were so expensive and if I'd known how hard they are to take care of I probably wouldn't have bought them.  My sister and I had some when she was living here but I don't remember having all this stuff.  Please research your pets before you buy them.  They are pretty interesting though.  And they're nocturnal so I get to watch them crawl all over when I'm up watching movies at 3am.