Conversation with Voloyda 13

Days until restraining order is lifted: 250

Convo I just had with Voloyda.  He’s just as crazy as usual.

V: Why didn’t you meet me today?

O: Because I didn’t feel like it.

V: You said that you would.

O: Yeah, well, I lied.

V: Why you always lie to me?

O: Why are you always following me?

V: Because I can.

O: The same can be said of me then.  I lie to you 'because I can.'  And as long as you insist on following me around I will continue to lie and make demands of you.
V: Think one of the things you demand of me could be sex?
O: Sex is the last thing I want from you.
V: You know what they say crazy people have the best sex. 
O: Must not be true then.
V: Why not?
O: Well everyone knows you’re completely nuts.  By your reasoning you should be amazing in bed.  Guess that theory isn’t as true as you think.
V: That was mean.  You didn’t have to say that.
O: Well you didn't have to follow me. You didn't have to try to kidnap me.  You didn’t have to follow David to his house and try to assault him.  You didn't have to do any of those things yet you did them all anyway.
V: It would have gone okay if you hadn’t showed up and stopped me.
O: What would you have me do?  I wasn’t about to just stand around and let you beat him.

V: Was stopping me worth the restraining order? 

V: You do realize that if you hadn’t showed up at his apartment building the restraining order would not have been filed.  
O: Yes.  It was worth it.  And I would do it again.
V: What?  Why?
O: Because he did nothing wrong and does not deserve to be assaulted.
V: He fired you.
O: He was doing his job.  It’s my fault I got fired not his.  I’ll not fault the man for doing his job.

V: I don’t understand you at all.

O: Yeah, most people don’t.  I’m used to it by now.

Things I Would Say to Annette

Days until restraining order is lifted: 252

Things I would say to Annette:

·         I’m sorry.

·         If I die I’m leaving you my college fund which contains $25,000 and my Sweeney Todd movie.

·         If I ever have a daughter I still plan on naming her Bellatrix Sophia Annette.

·         I wish we could be friends again.

·         Thank you for visiting me when I was in the hospital.

Things I Would Say To David

Days until restraining order is lifted: 254

Things I would say to David if I could:

·         I’m sorry.

·         Thank you for filling the restraining order.  My inability to purchase a gun has kept my alive thus far. 

·         You really are attractive for an older guy and you do look like Alan Rickman.

·         I knew nothing would happen between us but it was fun flirting with you.

·         The only reason I followed you to your house was because I was bored and because I was trying to deliver a letter.

·         The rose that you found tucked under your windshield wiper was left there not by me but by my ex.

·         If you and your wife get another divorce give me a call.

·         My ex is living in your building so he can better stalk you and your wife and your children.

·         My ex has been going through your garbage.

Voloyda’s Craziness Part 15

Days until restraining order is lifted: 256

Voloyda’s ‘malicious’ plans seem to be more comical than dangerous.  For example:

·         Kidnapping

o   The Plan:

§  Follow her with the car

§  Pull up in front of her

§  Park

§  Drag her into the vehicle

§  Drive away

o   How it Went Wrong:

§  I saw you following me

§  I knew it was you

§  It was broad daylight

§  You were driving a hot pink car that has your name emblazoned on the side in black and silver (I’d post a pic but it would ruin his alias. It really is an awesome car.)

§  When you tried to pull in front of me you nearly ran me over

§  There was a large group of people less than 20 yards away

§  When attempting to drag me into the car you seemed more concerned about making sure you didn’t stretch out my jacket than at actually getting me in the vehicle

§  You asked me  how I was doing

§  When I told you to let me go you did

§  You tried to start a conversation with me

o   How To Improve:

§  Do it at night

§  Bring a friend along to drive the car

§  Use a nondescript vehicle

§  Bring a weapon

§  Make sure no one else is around

§  Don’t be concerned about stretching the persons clothing

§  Don’t try to start a conversation with the person

This took place a couple of weeks ago.  Up until this point I haven’t posted about any of his illegal activity because I don’t feel like dealing with the police.  But considering it was against me and I’m not pressing charges, why the hell not?  This plan went so hilariously wrong I laughed for days.  What on earth would possess him to try to kidnap me?  I’ve told everyone he’s following me.  They would know it was him.  And to try to strike up a conversation with the person you're trying to drag into your car?  I don’t even know what to say.  The man is an idiot. 

He said he wasn’t trying to kidnap me he was trying to “Give me a ride because it was supposed to rain.”  In his defense it did start raining like ten minutes later.  Voloyda is a psychopathic idiot but I don't think he would ever actually hurt me.  At least not on purpose anyway.

English History

Days until restraining order is lifted: 258

I went to the library yesterday and checked out several books on English history.  The librarian was all “So are you doing a report on England or something?”  Me: “No.  I just think English history is fascinating.”  She gave me a strange look.  What?  Is it that unusual for someone to want to educate themself?  I don’t get it.  Well anyway the one book was absolutely fascinating.  I now know what it was like to be a peasant in the middle ages.  It could come in handy one day. 

Conversation with Voloyda 12

Days until restraining order is lifted: 262

So Voloyda was bothering me on Facebook in his usual manner.  We had this lovely conversation:

V: You know that lady you worked with?

O: No.  And I don’t wish to.
V: Please it’s important.
O: Fine.  What?
V: Who’s that lady you worked with?
O: I worked with many ladies.  You’ll have to be a bit more specific.
V: The one that you know has the hair.
O: You are the most non-descriptive person I’ve ever met.

V: Come on.

O: Minerva?
V: No
O: Victoria?
V: No
O: Stacy?

V: No

O: Annette?
V: Yes Annette!
O: What about Annette?
V: I totally know where she lives
O: This conversation is over.  Do not incriminate yourself any further.  If the police question me I will turn you in.
V: No it’s totally valid.  I looked it up online.
O: I suppose that makes it slightly less creepy.

O: You know talking to you cheers me up almost every time.

V: Why?

O: Because for once I know I’m not the craziest person around. 

V: Bitch

I never really hear other people use the word valid in that tense.  Maybe I’m not as odd as I thought.  Then again it is Voloyda and everyone knows he’s nuttier than a squirrel.  Oh well.

Danny

Days until restraining order is lifted: 267

My sunburn is finally going away but now it’s all blistered.  Ouch.  At least it doesn’t sting anymore.

I’ve been talking to this guy from Craigslist named “Danny.”  He has piercings and tattoos.  It’s not very often you see older guys with piercings.  That’s totally hot.

Cedar Point

Days until restraining order is lifted: 270

Bonnie and I went to Cedar Point yesterday.  It was so much fun.  It was ridiculously hot and sunny.  At least until it started raining which lasted about half an hour and really cooled it down.  I got a horrible sunburn.  And of course there was no aloe.  I could not sleep last night.  Every time I fell asleep I would roll over onto my sunburn and wake up.

Baseball Game

Days until restraining order is lifted: 272

I went to a baseball game today with Bonnie and my mother.  It was so fucking hot.  Bonnie and I are going to Cedar Point tomorrow.  I'm so excited.  I haven't been to Cedar Point in a few years.  I hope it doesn't rain.

Family Reunion

Days until restraining order is lifted: 273

Three months down, nine to go. 

Today was our family reunion.  It was at my aunt’s house.  There were about 40 people in attendance.  We had some lovely conversations involving such topics as ‘butt-chugging,’ vodka tampons, dead relatives, creepy sex jokes, and past reunions.  There was no beat-down this year, a nice little break in tradition.  Two years ago there was a fistfight and last year someone got smacked with a cooler. 

The big surprise was my uncle showing up from Kansas.  Him, his wife, and his two youngest kids came.  My mother was the only one who knew they were coming.  They popped by the house yesterday and surprised Bonnie, Cal, and I.  My mother made us swear not to say anything.  It was funny, everyone was all like ‘what are you doing here?’ and ‘why didn’t you tell anyone you were coming?’

We played some games; family bingo, family trivia, some game involving 27 plastic flamingos, white elephant.  I ended up with a couple of books.  It was fun. 

It was also ungodly hot, until it started raining.  It was absolutely pouring and then came the thunder, lightning, and hail.  And then the power went out.  A bunch of people left when it began raining so the rest of us, about 20 people, were crowded into the living room in the dark.  It was so fucking loud in there, you couldn’t hear yourself think.