I know I said a while ago that I was genderfluid but I don't really think that describes me correctly so I now identify as non-binary trans or just trans. I present as masculine all of the time and have chosen a new guy name for myself. I try to keep this blog as anonymous as possible so I won't be sharing my chosen name but know it shares the same initial as my birth name and I quite like it. I've chosen a new middle name for myself as well which does not have the same initial as my birth name but I'm still working on that one and may switch it yet. My original middle name was Marie after my grandmother and I've been looking for another M name but haven't found anything yet. I was thinking of doing Michael which was my father and grandfathers name but I don't really like it and it feels weird because we weren't close. Anyway I chose the middle name Oliver and from now on I will be referring to myself as such on here.
This seems like a good time to bring up my mother's confusing behavior. So I started making changes to my appearance and hinting that I wasn't a woman 7/8 months ago and came out as trans* 5 months ago and my mother has been mostly okay with it. I say mostly because sometimes she's on board and then other times not so much. It just really makes me wonder what she's thinking.
6 months ago she paid for me to get a manly haircut
2 1/2 months ago she let me order a binder on her credit card until I could pay her back
Last month she made no comment when I ordered some packers and told my dad not to say anything when I made my packer STP in the kitchen
Last night she bought me more guy clothes and a men's toiletry kit
Yet last week when I asked her to call me Oliver (not name I requested) and use male pronouns she flat out refused. And the week before she said she wished I would be a girl again. WTF mom.
Friday, November 27, 2015
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Dad's House
As you know my father passed away in March and one of his assets was a house. It was actually his girlfriend's house and they weren't living there (and you'll see why) but for whatever reason it was in his name. Here is the wonderful house my sister and I have to find a way to get rid of.
We had called a locksmith out to get us into the house as we didn't have a key only for him to show up and push the door open. The front door wasn't even locked. All the floors had been stripped and had severe water damage and rotting to the point that you could feel the floor bending when you walked across it. There was a second floor that we didn't go up to due to the stairs being on the side of the house where the wall had caved in. Who knows what was up there.
If anyone's looking for a place to live, I'll sell it to you real cheap. For real the house needs to be condemned. How on earth do you let a house get to that condition. I don't even know. Now we're trying to sign it over to the city for the taxes owed on it. I hope they take it as I don't want to be stuck with it.
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| Right inside the front door. There were piles of trash like this throughout the house. |
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| The nicest part of the house. Notice the odd dirty patches on the walls. |
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| The side door in the kitchen. As you can see it's very beat up. The duct tape is covering a large split in the door and it had been kicked in so many times all the wood along the door frame had been broken off so it was impossible to lock. |
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| The kitchen. The pipes under the sink weren't even connected to anything and all the tiles had been stripped from the floor. I think the oddest part about the kitchen was that while the house was nearly completely empty there was a full set of dishes in one of the cabinets. |
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| Standing in the kitchen looking into the basement. Take note of how light it is for being the basement of a house with no electricity. |
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| Another shot leading into the basement. |
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| You can't really tell in the picture but there were all kinds of loose pipes hanging from the ceiling like someone had tried to rip them out before deciding it was too much trouble. |
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| More rubbish. |
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| And this is why it was so light down there. The entire wall had caved in and led directly into the garage. |
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| All the junk inside the garage. The roof of the garage had fallen in as well so you could actually stand in the basement and see the sky outside through the roof of the garage. |
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| Noticed this as we were walking out. What the fuck. You're gonna need more than some DIY books to fix this place up. |
If anyone's looking for a place to live, I'll sell it to you real cheap. For real the house needs to be condemned. How on earth do you let a house get to that condition. I don't even know. Now we're trying to sign it over to the city for the taxes owed on it. I hope they take it as I don't want to be stuck with it.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Masculine Presentation
I'm going to be talking about trans gear and trans related topics in this post. Including binders, fake penises, and stories about standing to pee. If you don't want to hear about any of that I suggest you skip this post.
OMG! Where did my boobs go?
I got my binder six weeks ago from GC2B. I got the black half tank and it cost $37 with shipping and it took three days to arrive. I'd heard they were hard to get into the first few times until you get the hang of it and it stretches out a bit, the first time I tried to put it on I couldn't get it on all the way and I nearly killed myself by getting it caught around my neck when I tried to take it off. I stretched it out over a pile of books overnight and also found it easier to put it on over a t-shirt. Now I can throw it on and off really easily and it flattens my chest quite well. It's way more comfortable than I thought it would be as well, a bit like a hug.
I've got a cock, bro.
I have currently have three packers that I ordered online. One by Doc Johnson, PackerGear and, Mr. Limpy. Here's a basic run down of the packers.
STP means Stand-to-Pee
If you don't want to hear about toileting accidents I suggest you skip this part. A while ago I wanted to learn to STP so I made one. I used the medicine spoon method which let me say was a complete disaster. I tried for a week and just ended up covered with piss every time, it just didn't fucking work. It's a good idea to practice in the shower and I'm quite happy I listened to that advice. The spoon really wasn't working and after looking around online I came across a bottle nipple type contraption with tubing. I didn't have tubing but I did manage to attach a nipple to the medicine spoon and use it far more successfully in both the shower and at the toilet. So successfully in fact that I decided I was ready to try without removing all of my clothing which as you can imagine ended badly because why would I expect anything different? There was urine everywhere and my mother was all pissed off because she had just replaced the rugs in the bathroom.
It was at that point I decided to order a proper STP tubing and packer, I got my STP tubing and nipple apparatus already assembled from Tranzwear for $12, you could buy them individually for cheaper and assemble them yourself but I figured since I didn't know what I was doing best to leave it to them. You could also get an already assembled STP but it was a bit more expensive and I figured how hard could it be to shove a hole in a fake dick. So it took about 3 weeks to arrive, there is a 7-10 business day processing time. I saw some videos on how to do it and it didn't look that hard (but of course it was). Basically you heat up a metal poker and then shove it through the packer so you can put the tubing in. What could possibly go wrong? Well the first time I shoved it through it went in crooked, came out the side and I burnt the fuck out of my fingertips. It went in straight on the next try but it took forever to get the tubing through. You're supposed to pull the stick out, spread the packer open and run water through it so the hole doesn't seal up. I don't know if I was doing it wrong or what but it took fucking forever. It actually turned out pretty well though and I can pee out of it way better than my medicine spoon contraption. Still working on mastering it, so for now I've been doing it in the shower.
I'll be right with you, sir.
Which is what the cashier at the dollar store said to me three weeks ago as I was waiting to check out. First time anyone ever addressed me as a male and it made me super happy. I'm sure I was smiling like an idiot. Then over the past week a man at the Anderson's addressed me as 'young man' and when I took my grandmother to the casino the checker almost didn't let me in because I look nothing like my ID and he didn't believe I was the same person. I don't generally use public bathrooms but yesterday I was sent to the store by my mother and ended up touching a gross thing and needed to wash my hands. I went to the women's bathroom because I've only been out for a while and I don't pass as a man. So I'm washing my hands and a woman comes out of the stall. She looked at me for a second and told me I was in the wrong bathroom and I didn't belong in there. lol. I guess I pass better than I think.
Links for everything mentioned
Binder: gc2b.co
Packers and STP tubing: tranzwear.com
All about STP's: http://transguys.com/features/stp
Do-it-yourself STP tutorial (not exactly how I made mine but similar): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4ut1o1rKvE
This last link is to my packers so if you don't want to see my junk I suggest you leave: http://imgur.com/a/Livdr
OMG! Where did my boobs go?
I got my binder six weeks ago from GC2B. I got the black half tank and it cost $37 with shipping and it took three days to arrive. I'd heard they were hard to get into the first few times until you get the hang of it and it stretches out a bit, the first time I tried to put it on I couldn't get it on all the way and I nearly killed myself by getting it caught around my neck when I tried to take it off. I stretched it out over a pile of books overnight and also found it easier to put it on over a t-shirt. Now I can throw it on and off really easily and it flattens my chest quite well. It's way more comfortable than I thought it would be as well, a bit like a hug.
I've got a cock, bro.
I have currently have three packers that I ordered online. One by Doc Johnson, PackerGear and, Mr. Limpy. Here's a basic run down of the packers.
Brand
|
Type
|
Bought From
|
Price
|
Notes
|
Doc Johnson
|
Lite
4 inch
Vanilla
|
Amazon
|
$14
|
|
PackerGear
|
4 inch
Vanilla
|
Tranzwear
|
$9.50
|
|
Mr. Limpy
|
5.5 inch
Vanilla
|
Tranzwear
|
$10.50
|
|
STP means Stand-to-Pee
If you don't want to hear about toileting accidents I suggest you skip this part. A while ago I wanted to learn to STP so I made one. I used the medicine spoon method which let me say was a complete disaster. I tried for a week and just ended up covered with piss every time, it just didn't fucking work. It's a good idea to practice in the shower and I'm quite happy I listened to that advice. The spoon really wasn't working and after looking around online I came across a bottle nipple type contraption with tubing. I didn't have tubing but I did manage to attach a nipple to the medicine spoon and use it far more successfully in both the shower and at the toilet. So successfully in fact that I decided I was ready to try without removing all of my clothing which as you can imagine ended badly because why would I expect anything different? There was urine everywhere and my mother was all pissed off because she had just replaced the rugs in the bathroom.
It was at that point I decided to order a proper STP tubing and packer, I got my STP tubing and nipple apparatus already assembled from Tranzwear for $12, you could buy them individually for cheaper and assemble them yourself but I figured since I didn't know what I was doing best to leave it to them. You could also get an already assembled STP but it was a bit more expensive and I figured how hard could it be to shove a hole in a fake dick. So it took about 3 weeks to arrive, there is a 7-10 business day processing time. I saw some videos on how to do it and it didn't look that hard (but of course it was). Basically you heat up a metal poker and then shove it through the packer so you can put the tubing in. What could possibly go wrong? Well the first time I shoved it through it went in crooked, came out the side and I burnt the fuck out of my fingertips. It went in straight on the next try but it took forever to get the tubing through. You're supposed to pull the stick out, spread the packer open and run water through it so the hole doesn't seal up. I don't know if I was doing it wrong or what but it took fucking forever. It actually turned out pretty well though and I can pee out of it way better than my medicine spoon contraption. Still working on mastering it, so for now I've been doing it in the shower.
I'll be right with you, sir.
Which is what the cashier at the dollar store said to me three weeks ago as I was waiting to check out. First time anyone ever addressed me as a male and it made me super happy. I'm sure I was smiling like an idiot. Then over the past week a man at the Anderson's addressed me as 'young man' and when I took my grandmother to the casino the checker almost didn't let me in because I look nothing like my ID and he didn't believe I was the same person. I don't generally use public bathrooms but yesterday I was sent to the store by my mother and ended up touching a gross thing and needed to wash my hands. I went to the women's bathroom because I've only been out for a while and I don't pass as a man. So I'm washing my hands and a woman comes out of the stall. She looked at me for a second and told me I was in the wrong bathroom and I didn't belong in there. lol. I guess I pass better than I think.
Links for everything mentioned
Binder: gc2b.co
Packers and STP tubing: tranzwear.com
All about STP's: http://transguys.com/features/stp
Do-it-yourself STP tutorial (not exactly how I made mine but similar): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4ut1o1rKvE
This last link is to my packers so if you don't want to see my junk I suggest you leave: http://imgur.com/a/Livdr
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