Family Reunion 2017 - The Ride Down

Mom, Dad, Grandma, and I packed up and left Saturday morning, stayed the night in Lebanon, Missouri and reached our destination at 5pm Sunday.  We had a long but interesting drive down.

We drove past the Gateway Arch in St. Luis.  Which I had apparently been to before but I don't remember so it was basically my first time seeing it.

We stopped off at the interesting attraction/shop.  We'd been seeing the billboards for miles and were intrigued.  I bought some fudge and they got some moonshine and a t-shirt for my uncle.  If you're ever in the area, it's worth a quick stop, only about 5 minutes off the highway.

I sent this photo to my friend Theo and he thought it was fake.  Not fake, just hilarious.  

My Cousin The Juvenile Delinquent

A basic introduction to my aunt's family.  My aunt 'Katie' is a lesbian who has been with her partner 'Dina' for 16 years.  They have my cousin Ryker who I've mentioned before and they also adopted two boys.  'Dan' is eleven and has foetal alcohol syndrome and an intellectual disability, pretty much the nicest kid you'll ever meet.  'Don' is ten and has foetal alcohol exposure, prenatal cocaine exposure, ADHD, ODD, and some other things that have yet to be diagnosed.  So suffice to say, he has some problems.  Don is such a handful that I'm one of the only people that will child-mind for them anymore.

Well yesterday I was over there childminding and Don asked if he could go out and play with his friends, I said yes but to come back in an hour to check in and then he'd be able to go back out if he wants.  So he comes back an hour later, I say he can go out for another hour and then he's in for the night.  He leaves and two minutes later, Dan comes and gets me saying Don is in my aunts car.  I go out there and he has indeed locked himself in the car.  I tried talking him out but he wouldn't so I go back in to grab my mobile and phone my aunt, they say they're close and they'll be back in 10ish minutes.  I go back out and tell Don he'd better get in the house before they get back or he'll be in worse trouble.  He then decides he's going to DRIVE THE CAR.  

He backs it up and over a bush right next to the house.  Keeps going back and forth in the driveway for like 5 minutes.  I'm on the phone again to my aunt (freaking out) 'he's driving the car you need to get home RIGHT NOW!'  He stops the car pretty much in the middle of the driveway.  I again try to get him out, telling him his parents are on the way and it'd be easier for him if he just out out now.  He starts wailing 'don't call don't call,' and starts driving again.  Ends up crashing into the garage door, leaving a big dent.  The car is now in roughly the position it started in.  He finally gets out of the car.  Does a hulk like pose and screams "I just drove a car!"  

I drag him into the house, make him hand over the keys and then try to get him to his room.  Again I tell him he'd best listen and his parents are on the way and he'd better be in his room when they get back.  He starts screaming and runs to the phone to try and call them.  They don't answer, he tries two more times and then shoves the phone off the counter.  Starts running all over the place.  My aunts finally get back.  He runs out and meets them in the driveway.  My aunt is looking over her car, it's all scratched up, the bumper in loose.  "Don what happened?!"  "I didn't do anything.  It was already like that."  Cause she's going to believe that.  "Get. In The. House. Now."  He hops on his bike and rides off.  Dina jumps into the van and takes off after him.  My aunt has Dan fetch Don's new PS3 controller and smashes apart with a hammer.  We go into the house and I tell her what happened.  Dina shows back up saying she couldn't find him.  They discuss calling the police and eventually decide to go back out and look for him.  So they leave, Dan and I are hanging out seeing if Don'll come back to the house.

Ten minutes later my aunt comes in dragging Don by his neck/shirt.  I stand there awkwardly there while she spanks him and then puts him on the couch.  I say I'm gonna go and my aunt asks how much she owes me.  I say don't worry about it and leave.  I go outside and Dina is sitting on their front lawn.  WTF.  I ask what's going on and she explains that Don knocked her over.  I help her up and she asked if I was paid.  I say no but it was fine and not to worry about it.  She insists on paying me the $10.  I go home and tell my parents about my exciting evening.  

So yeah, I certainly had an interesting time yesterday.  I don't know what they're going to do with him.  He's always in trouble, always.  Ten years old he's been expelled from 5 different schools, keeps sneaking out at night, already tried to set the house on fire.  They keep having to call the police.  Police don't do anything, his doctors don't do anything it's only a matter of time before he ends up in juvenile hall.  

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 23

Talk about your living situation. Where do you live? Do you live alone or with other people? Are you happy with your current living arrangements?

I currently live at home with my mother and stepfather. It’s the classic 25-year-old nerdy, socially inept person living in the basement scenario. I can’t do anything about my living situation now, but when I’m financially stable I’d like to move out. Either into a group home or with a roommate. I don’t think I would cope very well living completely on my own. I’m too forgetful and easily overwhelmed. I think things would be okay at first and then quickly go downhill to a point where it would just be a very unhealthy/unproductive situation.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 13

Talk about something funny.  Has anything humorous or ironic ever happened to you because you were autistic?

Not really all that funny but since it’s kind of poking fun at a rude NT I find it rather amusing.  This was just the other day actually.  She had commented on an autism related video on Facebook about how autism is a horrible disorder.  And I replied that it wasn’t and if that was how she felt, she was part of the problem. Her response was to ask me if I’d ever actually interacted with a person with autism because if I had, I’d know what she was talking about because apparently we’re really difficult.  I of course replied that I am autistic.  And interestingly enough, when I went back a few minutes later to see if she had responded, she had deleted the entire conversation.  I guess she didn’t want to look like a fool.  

Here’s another story from when I was little, I had apparently never heard the term punching so I came up with my own term ‘hand-kicking’ which my parents found adorable and didn’t correct me on.  I think it wasn’t until the second or third grade that I found out hand-kicking isn’t a thing.  

I personally am partial to dry humor.  For my jokes I usually rely on wordplay or I often make blunt statement that can be somewhat amusing (though I often don’t immediately get why).  Some recent interactions include:

Grandma (who is legally blind): These windows are filthy. I can’t see a thing out of them.
Me: Well you can’t really see anything to begin with so…

A while ago, basically my entire family was out for my cousin’s birthday.  We had already been there for two hours and by that point I and very restless to leave, I semi-quietly announced to my grandmother and aunt that we had to leave because my dad was ‘having some problems with his bowels’ (note that he wasn’t at the time though it’s common for him to announce his toileting habits so a statement like this wouldn’t be out of the norm). Dad found this hilarious but also told me to never say this again.  This has kind of become our go to phrase for when we want to get out of something.  ‘Sorry I can’t help you with those dishes Ma, I’m having some problems with my bowels.’

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 4

Talk about your family and support. Who in your life has helped you? Have medical and mental health providers served your needs? Do you feel like your family is supportive of you being autistic?

Generally my family is pretty supportive. They accepted my diagnosis very well and none of them have claimed that I can’t be autistic. They respect that I don’t really like people, or going out, or large groups and they usually let me skip out completely on busy-ish events (weddings, graduations, dinners with extended family). For events hosted at the house, they encourage me to make an appearance, even if only for 15 minutes or so, and then they’re fine with me hiding out in my room. Usually they’re cool with my stimming unless I’m making a lot of noise. The exception is my constant rocking which my mom says ‘drives her up the wall.’

Sometimes my parents get irritated with me about things that I really can’t help. I’m often berated about how I take things too literally or nitpick their use of language. And my mom frequently says things like ‘think!’ or ‘use your brain’ when I ask questions about things they think should be obvious. With me you have to be specific and they still don’t seem to understand that I need specific instructions. Vague statements like ‘the garbage is full’ don’t register with me as a task needing to be done. This is a very common interacton:
Mom: The garbage is full
Me: okay
Mom later: why haven’t you taken out the garbage like I asked?
Me: *confusion ??? Because you never asked me to.
I can’t tell you how long it took me to grasp that this was an instruction and not just an observation. Still, if I’m not really focusing on what they’re saying I’ll miss the hints about things.

Obviously, by the fact that I wasn’t diagnosed until I pushed for it at 22, there has been some oversight by the plethora of doctors and therapists I’ve seen been seeing since I was three. I attribute this partly due to me being AFAB and the reluctance of doctors to diagnosis autism in girls. However, other than my lack of diagnosis my therapists and doctors have been remarkably competent and helpful. I’ll talk more about my therapists/therapy on the 16th and perhaps 21st.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 3

Talk about relationships, both platonic and romantic. Do you have anyone special in your life? Have your relationships been affected by your being autistic? Have you found it hard to make and maintain friendships? Do you have a lot of friends or very few?

For someone my age, I believe I’ve had fewer romantic relationships than is common. With the exception of Voloyda, the majority of my romantic relationships have ended because my datemates think I’m strange, which I suppose I am. People say that I’m weird and I like to state that I’m perfectly normal for an autistic person. I’ve not seriously dated anyone since I received my diagnosis, but I’m thinking that when I do start dating again it might go a bit easier now that I was an explanation for my odd behaviors.

I’ve never really been able to make and maintain friendships. Especially when I was little, I just never really fit in and the other kids thought I was weird. As I got older and my social anxiety worsened, I stopped trying. By the time I got to high school, I didn’t talk to any of my classmates. It was to the point where I was talking to my teacher and a girl I had been in classes with for two years told me that up until that point she thought I was mute because she had literally never heard me say anything.

I don’t have many friends, I’m friendly with a few people online but my only in person friends are Theo and Voloyda. Theo’s been my BFF ever since we met in the seventh grade. We were attending a school for kids with ADHD and Asperger’s and we clicked right away. I’ve known Voloyda since I was 15, it’s kind of been the ten-year on-again-off-again relationship. He’s a good friend, for the most part, and he was a good partner when we dated. I had friends from work but those kind of tapered off after I got fired. I’ve never really been one to ‘keep in touch’ and it felt awkward trying to keep it going after everything that happened.

Though I don’t have many friends, I wouldn’t really say I’m lonely; I like being alone. I do wish I had a few more people to hang out with but for the most part I’m pretty content. People don’t get me and it kind of seems like a waste of time to expend energy trying to achieve and maintain friendships that will most likely end when the person deems me ‘too weird or boring.’

General Update - February 2017

I know I haven't updated in literally forever I've just been kind of lazy I guess.  I'll make an effort to update a bit more regularly.  For now since so much time has passed I'm just going to do a sort of short general post about the major stuff that has happened and may do some other updates about specific incidents if I can recall enough info.

• My depression has been a lot better since my med change.  No not nearly as many suicidal thoughts and my anxiety has improved as well. 
• I'm adjusting to my new therapist.  She's okay but she's not the same as Rachel and it still just feels kind of off.
• School is going well.  Passed my classes from last semester with A's and I'm doing well this semester.  I'm taking Multicultural Lit and my second remedial algebra class.  Thankfully after I finish this math class I only need one college algebra credit for my major.
• I won second place in my schools writing contest which my current Lit professor embarrassed me about by announcing it in front of the entire class.  I hadn't even known I'd come in second so that was really fucking awkward.
• I had a good Thanksgiving and Christmas.
• There's still been no news about my father's estate which I'm quite pissed off about at this point as it should have been settled a year ago.
• My stepfather has been having some medical issues lately.  Two weeks ago his tongue swelled up and then today he had some sort of seizure/fainting spell.
• My current special interest is the Lion Guard and I'm super excited for the final episode of the first season this Friday.
• I absolutely love the Fantastic Beasts movie and cant wait to get it when it comes out.  If you haven't seen it I strongly recommend it.  My favorite character is Credence.
• My friend/ex-boyfriend just revealed to me that he is sexually attracted to children, which really fucking grosses me out. He says he's not done anything but I reported it to the police just in case. I don't want to feel responsible if something happens.  I have enough shit of my own going on. I'm really unclear as to what I'm going to do about that situation.
• Alan Rickman's birthday is today and as per tradition I have binge watched Alan Rickman movies and baked a cake (which is technically for my grandmother's birthday tomorrow.)
• Voloyda is doing fine.  We've hung out a few times but he's not done anything noteworthy 

That's about it.  All I can think of at the moment anyway.  I may expand on some of the things listed above in their own posts if I feel inclined or if there's something specific you want to hear more about leave a comment and I'll make sure to expand on it.

Bad Time

I've been having a rough time lately.  The doctor upped my meds but it doesn't seem to be helping much plus the side effects are awful.  My father is driving me insane.  All he does is complain about every single thing.  "I walk up the stairs too loudly.  He can hear my TV at night.  There are bubbles left in the sink after I do the dishes.  I'm lazy.  I ask annoying questions.  I spend my money on stupid things.  I'm incompetent.  I need to get my life together.  He can't wait for me to move out.  I make him miserable.  I think everything is a fucking joke."  It sure does wonders for my mental health.  And my mother doesn't take it seriously.  She thinks I'm doing better.  I'm fucking doing worse.  Every day I think of suicide.

Bad Day/Epipen Adventure

Sorry I didn't post this last week.  I had it typed up and thought I posted it but I didn't.  My bad.

I was having a rather bad day and spent most of it crying in my car in the hospital parking lot.  My father and I had an argument and he said something along the lines of how I make him and mom miserable and he wished I would leave.  So I left and spent the day crying in my car at the hospital.  I really should have gone in but my mother says I'm not allowed as they charge so much for a stay and I could just imagine getting released and her kicking me out of the house for costing her so much money. I should probably discus that with her.  I called the suicide prevention and everything, which is rather amazing in itself because I hate making phone calls.  I wasn't planning on coming home for at least a few days but it was really hot yesterday and I didn't want to sleep in the car so I came home at around 5AM.

Things were kinda rough this morning but overall the day wasn't that bad.  I only cried some.  I would have stayed in bed all day except we had company over and mom my kind of forced me to get up.  I'm glad she did, it was better than laying in bed and crying/sleeping all day.  Plus I got to stab her with an Epipen.  My mother is allergic to bees pretty bad.  Not to the point where she almost dies but she gets this rather large rash and usually has to go to the hospital.  So we're outside playing cards against humanity and she gets stung.  And of course she starts freaking out.  I'll point out that she's rather squeemish about things and has never injected herself with the epipen and she asked me (who has never done it either) to inject her.  I get the pen, read the directions; 'pull of blue safety cap and swing into upper thigh.'  Sounds easy enough.  I pull off the cap and stab her in the leg.  Except I didn't give her any warning and she was mad because she still had her pants on.  There was nothing on the directions said you needed to take off your pants.  So she's just kind of standing there in shock and goes 'what the fuck.'   And I'm just like 'did I do this right?  Did I get you?'  'I don't know?'  Apparently I did okay if she didn't even feel it.  So we're all just standing there and she goes 'I feel like there's blood running down my leg.'  She takes her pants off and there is indeed a rather large amount of blood.  So then I had to go and clean her pants.

2016 Reunion/General Update

Greetings people.  I really am sorry I haven't updated in so long.  My depression has been kinda bad lately and I haven't really had the energy to write anything.  I can't remember if I mentioned it before or not (and I really can't be bothered to look right now) but my therapist, that I was seeing for years and who I really liked, quit and I've been having some issues adjusting to the new person.  She's not bad or anything, seems decent enough, but I don't really like her all that much.  I missed my last appointment and haven't rescheduled so it's been like a month and a half.  There have been a few incidents and I've been having some suicidal thoughts lately so I should probably make a new appointment.  But it's been forever since I went and so now I'm all stressed out about calling.  I don't handle phone calls well under the best of circumstances.  I need to discuss changing or adding my anxiety meds when I see my psychiatrist in September.

On a more positive note I did quite well in my sociology class this summer and passed with an A.  School starts back up for fall semester on Monday.  I was supposed to be taking history and English Lit but my English course got cancelled, which I was quite pissed about because as an English Lit major I need like 4 Lit classes and they waited until ten days before the semester starts to cancel it so the available class options were pretty slim.  I signed up for a psychology course as my replacement though and once I finish that I'll be done with all my social/behavioral credits.

We had the family reunion at the end of July.  It was a lot of fun.  Bonnie came but the only other relative I get along with well couldn't make it.  We had my step-father's annoying family down as well to come to the reunion.  Which I don't understand and didn't like because they are not part of the 'Cronwell' family.  It's a family reunion, and they are not part of that family, I don't know why my mother invited them.  And dad pitched a fit because he didn't want Bonnie, who admittedly is a little weird, around his precious daughter and granddaughters.  Because his family came down, especially because they brought an extra person without telling us before hand, we were short 2 beds.  We were already going to be short one but I had volunteered mine to Bonnie so she could stay with us and slept in my closet.  I don't like people to begin with and because of my autism I don't like change or unexpected things happening so it was just really stressful for me when everyone was in the house.

Bonnie and I went to the Zoo on Friday morning as she hadn't gone since she was a kid.  They updated the aquarium in 2015 and I've been to the zoo since then but there was always a huge line to go though the aquarium so I hadn't been through yet.  It's pretty cool.  By the time we were mostly done at the zoo my mother was calling and nagging me about when we were getting back to the house as we told her we would go and help her set up.  It was only like 1:30 and we said we'd be back around 2ish so I don't know what she was complaining about but whatever.  We went out and set up and spent a few hours hanging out in the pool before going back home.  Because we'd gone to the zoo, the cookies I was supposed to make got pushed to kinda the last minute and we ended up baking until like 11:30 that night.  Got them done though and people enjoyed them.

The reunion was great.  We had it at my mother's friends "John and Michelle's."  We've had it there before, I believe this was the third time though it could be the fourth, I had my graduation party there.  They live a bit out in the country and have a large pool, hot tub and pond with a paddle-boat.  Since I don't really like that many people and crowds stress me out, I spent most of the day swimming and taking with my aunt, grandmother, mother, Michelle, and Bonnie.  There were a few games, a pinata, the white elephant.  My cousin 'Bob' got stuck with this horrid unicorn plaque thing that I found at The Store for $4.  It was the ugliest thing I could find.  I'll see if we took a picture.  It was truly awful.  He said he was going to use it as a boat anchor.

The first week of August was spent watching my aunts' house as they went on holiday to Florida.  Eight whole days of hanging out with Titus and being away from my father.  It was nice.  (Plus I got paid $100 of which half went into my Christmas fund and the other half, because I'm terrible at managing money, was spent on buying a bunch of video games off of eBay.)  The first four days were spent studying (and by studying I mean mostly playing Skyrim and reading books with only a minimal amount of time spent actually studying) for my final exam in sociology but after that it was quite relaxing.  I love hanging out with Titus, almost as much as I loved Nicky.  Only thing I don't really like about him is that he snores like a fucking hippo and as soon as you make even the slightest movement like you're getting up in the morning, even if you're still asleep, he gets super hyper and starts racing around the room and jumping on you.  Can't say how many times I've been woken up by his feet jabbing into my kidneys.  Other than that though he's great, a big baby.

That's pretty much all that I've been doing.  I bought a new computer as my old one was purchased in 2011 and I really think it was about to fall apart.  My hermit crabs are doing well.  I've got a new one I named Merlin.  I wanted to get three more and name them Porthos, Athos and, Aramis but I went to four different shops and they either had giant ones or none at all and the last place had one and it was the right size so Merlin became a part of the colony.  I may still get three more and name them after the musketeers.  I'll try to update withing the next couple of weeks.  

Beginning of Summer Holiday/Myrtle Beach

What's up my loyal followers.  I've been having a good time lately.  I've done well in school, had a good holiday, and got some good news about my father's estate.  Things are going pretty well for me at the moment.  

I got an A on my autism paper and passed both of my classes with A's so that that's good.  I'm signed up for a summer class, which I'm not too thrilled about but I suppose it'll give me something to do.  It doesn't start till the 13th of June so I have another month before I have to go back.

I got some good news from my sister regarding my father's estate.  We've been kinda freaking out about what we were going to do with the oh so lovely house he left us but the city is going to take it back for us.  It will take some extra time, I was told an additional six to nine months, but at least we don't have to worry about it anymore.  Plus without having to take care of the house there should be some money left over for us.

I got back on Sunday from a week in Myrtle Beach.  I went down there with my parents and my sister and her husband and son.  It was a fun week.  We stayed at the Oceans 22 resort which was pretty cool.  We had an awesome suite with a great view of the city and the ocean.  Hung out at the beach, which was too cold to go swimming in but I went swimming in the pool.  My mother and I went to the Hopsewee plantation.  I thought it was really interesting but my mother didn't really like it all that much, she's not into history like I am though so whatever.  We walked down and took a ride on the SkyWheel which I pressured my parents into doing with me, though I don't know why as I'm terrified of heights and it really freaked me out.  It was a great view though.  We were in a pretty central place so we walked pretty much everywhere.  I did sprain my ankle the second day almost immediately at the beginning of a mile long walk to the boardwalk, it was of course right in front of my parents and this random woman who proceeded to laugh at me, so there was that to deal with all week.  It's still pretty sore.  We did a lot of shopping.  The boardwalk has this shop called the Gay Dolphin which had the most random collection of stuff.  We went to Ripley's Aquarium and I got to pet a stingray.  They're just a rubbery and slimy as I remember; I got to pet them before when I went to the Cayman Islands.  We went and seen the Pirates Voyage show dinner thing which was totally awesome, and if you get the change I would definitely recommend it. We went to Broadway at the Beach which was cool.  There's all kinds of fun shops there.  I found some new fidgety toys, a box (I collect wooden boxes), and some other little stuff like magnets and buttons.  There were several retro/pop culture shops that were really cool.  Mostly I bought postcards, my big purchase was a myrtle beach jacket.  

I also bought some hermit crabs.  And spent most of my money on putting together a crabitat.  It cost me over a hundred dollars and I still have stuff left to buy.  I didn't realize hermit crabs were so expensive and if I'd known how hard they are to take care of I probably wouldn't have bought them.  My sister and I had some when she was living here but I don't remember having all this stuff.  Please research your pets before you buy them.  They are pretty interesting though.  And they're nocturnal so I get to watch them crawl all over when I'm up watching movies at 3am.  

24th Birthday/General Update

I know it's been a while since I updated (my finished essay about transgenderism was posted earlier) I've been busy with school, the anniversary of my father's death, my birthday,  my disability hearing, Easter, and my cousin Ryker's birthday was today.

My birthday was the 16th.  My parents were in Florida, as they were last year as well, so I went out with my grandmother and my aunt and her family.  They gave me some money which went into my vacation fund.  I went out to eat with my parents and sister after they came back.  My mother got me a men's watch; it's batman themed.  Plus she paid for my license tag.  I'd picked out my own birthday card a while ago because she had a coupon at hallmark.  It was blue with a dog and was addresses 'to my son.'  She of course forgot it when they went on vacation and instead sent me a pink, flowery, glittery card addressed 'to my daughter.'  It upset me greatly and when I brought it up to her after she got back she said she only chose it because of the message inside.  I'm sure there was a son card with a similar message but whatever.  She did give me the men's batman watch and the son card I'd picked out but I think it was only because I was near tears when I was talking about the daughter one.

School is going well, only four weeks left to the semester, I have one big paper due for comp2, which I'm already half finished with, and a bunch of math stuff, which I'm not really finished with.  Currently getting A's in both the classed so let's hope I finish out the semester well.  I'm registered for summer and fall classes.  I'm taking sociology this summer, which I think will be interesting.  For fall I've signed up for American multicultural lit and American history, so those should be fun.

My stepsister and her annoying family came down for Easter.  It went about as well as it usually does, which is to say that I don't like annoying children in my house and I couldn't wait for them to leave.  Everyone was there on Saturday including my sister's family, my aunt's family, and my grandmother.  As is typical in that situation we ran out of chairs and I ate my dinner on the kitchen floor.

It is now April which of course means it is national poetry month.  I will as usual be posting several of my poems, starting tomorrow, maybe, if I remember.  April is also national autism month which I generally do not participate in due to the loathing I posess for Autism $peaks.  Look at this site, http://www.boycottautismspeaks.com/, to find out more about why that is.  I did do the 'light it up gold' thing last year which I didn't hear anything about this year but I did find out about the #REDinstead campaign.  Last year it was called 'Walk in Red.'  That site can be found here: http://walkinred.weebly.com/about.html. 

Christmas 2015

Markus, my favorite and I think only reader, asked what I got for Christmas.  Now Christmas was two months ago and I'm having a hard time remembering everything so I'm going to do a list format for each person/group.

Mom
She got me: sheets, a coloring book, a robe, socks, pajama pants, a sweater, thermals, 2 t-shirts, a bread knife, an iTunes card, Funko Pop Snape, 3 books on England, portable charger, Mr. Bean DVD set, Cards Against Humanity, slippers, men's toiletry kit,
I got her: a pan, pillowcases, a portable charger, 12 books, a blow-dryer and diffuser, a meat tenderizer, Curly Wurly chocolate bars (which are no longer sold in the US and I had to special order from the UK)

Dad
He got me: $200
I got him: a t-shirt, two pairs or track pants, a set of candles, a bottle of vodka

Grandma
She got me: sheets, 2 body pillows
I got her: socks, recipe card dividers and box, a purse

My aunts' family
They got me: my Snape cutout, an amazon gift card, a red lobster gift card
I got my aunts: movie gift cards
Ryker: an adipose plushie, Dr. Who car sticker, steam card, dalek figurine, Dr. Who t-shirt
Little Cousin 1: 2 animal themed DUPLO sets
Little Cousin 2: 2 Star Wars action figures, a fidget set

My sister and nephew
She got me: $50, measuring spoons, a 13x9 pan, a baking sheet
I got her: a roasting set, a gift card for a pedicure
Nephew: the book mr. grumpy's outing (my favorite when I was little), a wooden train with stack-able blocks

My step-sister's daughters 
They got me: an iTunes gift card
I got both of them: boots

Theo
He got me: new Apple earpods
I got him: Scott Pilgrim vs, the World, 3rd Cards against Humanity expansion, a little Baymax plushie, British sweets

My aunts dog Titus: 2 dumbbells (1 spikey 1 squeeky), 2 tubes of tennis balls, a large bone, a loofa dog, treats, some holiday themed rawhides

I also got a $50 gift card from my other step sister

I think that's everything.  I'll update it if I remember anything else (which I just did actually).

And here's the picture of Snape he asked for:

And this other one I took yesterday:

Snape is ready for the Slytherin Quidditch game.

School/Christmas Update

What's up people?  Sorry it's been ages since my last update.  Between school and the holidays I've been pretty busy.  I've been busy but not a whole lot of interesting stuff has been going on so I expect this to be a rather boring update.  

I passed my fall semester with two B's so that's pretty good.  I would have done better but I couldn't be bothered to go to class everyday.  I wrote some decent papers which I may post on here at a later date.  Three weeks into the current semester and everything is going well.  I'm taking Composition 2 which I have no concerns about; I love writing.  I am also taking algebra which I am concerned about.  I suck at maths.  However I've got 19.75 out of 20 points so far in the class and aced my first test in there so hopefully I'll do okay.  I sent my professors an email beforehand letting them know I'm autistic and trans and my preferred name.  For the most part it's been okay.  They both asked about any accommodations for my autism and there have only been two name slip-ups.  They haven't messed up my pronouns at all so that's good.  

I watched my aunts' house over the holidays and as usual spoiled their dog.  I got and gave some cool stuff for Christmas.  Some books and some tv series relating to my new special interest of Britain.  My most useless but also one of my favorite gifts was a cardboard cutout of Severus Snape.  It's awesome.  I thought for sure it would freak me out in the morning to wake up and see someone standing there but it's been fine.  I'm very upset that Alan Rickman has died.  A large portion of my Christmas money has gone to purchasing 8 new Alan Rickman movies.  I also bought this shirt: http://www.teeturtle.com/products/always which is awesome.  And like 20% of the cost went to the Cancer Research Institute.  

Great news in that I finally, after over two years of waiting, have got a date for my disability hearing.  So hopefully that'll go through and I'll get some money.

That's about it.  As I said nothing very exciting has happened lately.  I'll update again soon, promise I won't go another two months without updating.

Trans Name

I know I said a while ago that I was genderfluid but I don't really think that describes me correctly so I now identify as non-binary trans or just trans.  I present as masculine all of the time and have chosen a new guy name for myself.  I try to keep this blog as anonymous as possible so I won't be sharing my chosen name but know it shares the same initial as my birth name and I quite like it.  I've chosen a new middle name for myself as well which does not have the same initial as my birth name but I'm still working on that one and may switch it yet.  My original middle name was Marie after my grandmother and I've been looking for another M name but haven't found anything yet.  I was thinking of doing Michael which was my father and grandfathers name but I don't really like it and it feels weird because we weren't close.  Anyway I chose the middle name Oliver and from now on I will be referring to myself as such on here.

This seems like a good time to bring up my mother's confusing behavior.  So I started making changes to my appearance and hinting that I wasn't a woman 7/8 months ago and came out as trans* 5 months ago and my mother has been mostly okay with it.  I say mostly because sometimes she's on board and then other times not so much.  It just really makes me wonder what she's thinking.
6 months ago she paid for me to get a manly haircut
2 1/2 months ago she let me order a binder on her credit card until I could pay her back
Last month she made no comment when I ordered some packers and told my dad not to say anything when I made my packer STP in the kitchen
Last night she bought me more guy clothes and a men's toiletry kit
Yet last week when I asked her to call me Oliver (not name I requested) and use male pronouns she flat out refused.  And the week before she said she wished I would be a girl again.  WTF mom.

Dad's House

As you know my father passed away in March and one of his assets was a house.  It was actually his girlfriend's house and they weren't living there (and you'll see why) but for whatever reason it was in his name.  Here is the wonderful house my sister and I have to find a way to get rid of.

Right inside the front door.  There were piles of trash like this throughout the house.

The nicest part of the house.  Notice the odd dirty patches on the walls.

The side door in the kitchen.  As you can see it's very beat up.  The duct tape is covering a large split in the door and it had been kicked in so many times all the wood along the door frame had been broken off so it was impossible to lock.

The kitchen.  The pipes under the sink weren't even connected to anything and all the tiles had been stripped from the floor.  I think the oddest part about the kitchen was that while the house was nearly completely empty there was a full set of dishes in one of the cabinets.

Standing in the kitchen looking into the basement.  Take note of how light it is for being the basement of a house with no electricity.

Another shot leading into the basement.

You can't really tell in the picture but there were all kinds of loose pipes hanging from the ceiling like someone had tried to rip them out before deciding it was too much trouble.

More rubbish.

And this is why it was so light down there.  The entire wall had caved in and led directly into the garage.

All the junk inside the garage.  The roof of the garage had fallen in as well so you could actually stand in the basement and see the sky outside through the roof of the garage.

Noticed this as we were walking out.  What the fuck.  You're gonna need more than some DIY books to fix this place up.

We had called a locksmith out to get us into the house as we didn't have a key only for him to show up and push the door open.  The front door wasn't even locked.  All the floors had been stripped and had severe water damage and rotting to the point that you could feel the floor bending when you walked across it.  There was a second floor that we didn't go up to due to the stairs being on the side of the house where the wall had caved in.  Who knows what was up there.  

If anyone's looking for a place to live, I'll sell it to you real cheap. For real the house needs to be condemned.  How on earth do you let a house get to that condition.  I don't even know.  Now we're trying to sign it over to the city for the taxes owed on it.  I hope they take it as I don't want to be stuck with it.

General Update

All of these things happened between July 18th and September 1st.

Had a little bit of a rough patch about a month and a half ago.  My step dad and I sometimes don't get along well and we clashed a bit.  He was screaming that I needed to  move out and I was screaming that I wasn't going anywhere and that I'd rather die than be homeless.  And he was going on and on about how it's his house, and I'm driving him crazy and I ruined his marriage.  And I'm freaking out because I don't have anywhere else to go.   So I grabbed this knife and said if he wanted me out of his life that bad I'd stab myself in the throat and he'd never have to deal with me again.  And Mom's crying and telling me that I didn't ruin their marriage and I didn't have to go anywhere and trying to get the knife away from me and yelling at him to shut up.  I was totally freaking out.  I really probably should have gone into the hospital but after I calmed down I was mostly okay and didn't end up going.

This part is kind of gross so if you're squeamish you may want to skip to the next paragraph.  A few days after the above incident I went upstairs at 11;30 to find my mother sobbing in the kitchen.  The end of her finger was completely black and swollen so I ended up taking her to the emergency room.  The doctor numbed it up and then sliced the skin open right above her finger nail and all kinds caramel colored pus and blood shot out.  It was awesome.  Mom's really not into stuff like that and covered her face the entire time so she wouldn't have to see.  The doctor said if I liked stuff like that I should consider going into the medical field.  I took her to her GP the next day and they ran some blood work and it turns out she has MRSA.

My grandmother has diabetes and lately her blood sugar has been bottoming out.  The day after all of the above happened with mom I had to spend the night at grandma's because her sugar bottomed out and the paramedics wouldn't let her stay home unless someone came over.  Well I was the lucky person that gave up my evening to go over there.  Normally I would have been happy to do so but it was Thursday night and ten minutes before Impractical Jokers came on.  I watch one show on TV and somehow it always gets interrupted.  So she calls me and asks if I can come over I said I would but could she wait an hour so I could watch my show first and the paramedics said no.  I drove all the way over there missing my show and the pie I had made, and had to sleep in the uncomfortable bed and then she bitched about taking me out to breakfast the next morning.  Ungrateful much?  I ended up watching the episode on iTunes the next day while eating my special peanut butter pie but it was still an inconvenience.  When I told my therapist the above happening she both laughed and said it was inconsiderate of me to have asked if I could watch my show before going over.  

On a more positive note (or would it be negative?) it has yet to be seen how it plays out long term, but Voloyda and I have mutually decided on a platonic relationship.  We decided to separate two months ago with no hard feeling on either side and it has gone quite well.  We still hang out occasionally as friends and there have been no issues, apparently he's been seeing someone new.  I've also been going out with a new partner.  I met them (preferred pronoun they/them/their) online in a genderfluid group and found out they live in my city so we've been out several times.  I shall call them 'S' for simplicity.  We attended Pride together which was fun and I learned how to drive a stick shift after S got too buzzed to drive us back to my house.

I am quite happy to say that I am officially over David as my special interest.  I thought Impractical Jokers would replace him but it hasn't and now I've been special interest-less and it's so boring.  What the hell am I supposed to do all day without a special interest to occupy me?  I've been looking into things but so far nothing has stuck.  Hopefully I'll find something soon because life is rather boring with only my minor special interests to occupy me.

The Store 3

Today I again picked up Ryker from The Store, I picked him up at closing so I didn't end up going in but he tells me this was a conversation he had.  'Jack' used to work at the store when I did and then apparently left and just recently went back to work there.  When I picked Ryker up the other day, I saw him and made a comment to Ryker that 'why didn't you tell me Jack was still working here?' and he said he wasn't and had just started.  Well today they had something akin to this conversation:

J:  Today was an easy day... I used to work here and just came back.
R:  Yeah, my cousin told me that the other day.  You used to work with her, October.  October Evens.
J:  Oh I remember her, she was cool, I mean she sort of lost it at the end but up until that point she was fine.  Tell her I said 'hi.'

'Sort of lost it at the end.'  Just about sums it up, I've described it that way myself.  I thought it was pretty funny.  It's nice to know that (at least some people) think that I'm mostly fine and not just 'that crazy person.'  I wouldn't blame them if they did or anything, I know my behavior (towards the end) was far from average and at the time even I thought I was losing my mind.

The Store 2

I know I haven't updated in forever.  I do have sort of a mega post I'm working on about everything that's happened lately, I'v just been too lazy to type it all up and get it posted.  But anyway this happened today and I thought it was hilarious and figured I'd share it before I forget what happened.

I had to go to The Store today to pick up Ryker after his shift.  He was buying some stuff and we and a few employees were standing around.  I said to Ryker: "I should fill out an application.  You think they'd re-hire me?  They'd probably laugh me out the door."
One of the workers asked why and my reply was: "I used to work here for five years until I had a mental breakdown and tried to commit suicide.  Then I ended up stalking one of the managers.  Ryker tells me they've added no stalking to the employee handbook.  You should talk to Minerva, I'm sure she'd have some stories for you."  That woman gave me the most WTF expression I've ever seen in my life, it was absolutely hilarious.

The Store

My cousin Ryker got a job at The Store.  He got hired on about three weeks ago.  He says he really likes it.  I hope it goes well for him.  The Store really is an okay place to work as long as you're not mentally ill.

The other day I went to The Store for the first time since they threw me out two years ago.  It was surreal.  And I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack the entire time I was in there.  I didn't see anyone I knew.  Apparently the only person I know who's still there is Minerva.  Everyone else is gone.