End of Semester/Beginning of Summer Holiday

I did fine in my classes from last semester.  Maths was a bitch but I did okay.  My Lit course was interesting, we read some cool stuff.  American Multicultural lit, we read a bunch of different stuff: Arab, Asian, African, Hispanic, Native, and LGBTQ.  Introduced me to some cool authors.  I successfully did a presentation.  Ten minutes on any artist/author/musician in a way that relates to multiculturalism.  My presentation focused on autism/neurodiversity as demonstrated by John Elder Robison in his memoirs/autobiographies “Look Me in the Eye” and “Be Different.”  I do not like presentations but this one wasn’t that bad.  I wrote down exactly what I was going to say and was just able to read it off.  I got 100% on my presentation so not bad for my first successful presentation. 

School let out a month ago and I’ve elected to not take any summer classes as it would clash with the family reunion this year which is taking place in Branson, Missouri.  So, I get a nice enjoyable 3-month long holiday.  I’ve just been hanging out a home, reading, playing video games, donating plasma (that will be my next post), helping out my grandmother.  On Sunday, I have to go over and paint her front door and maybe the door to her garage.  But mostly I’m just relaxing at home and doing some fun day trips.  My parents and I went to Sandusky to pick some stuff up and we visited my great aunt for a bit.  Yesterday we, along with my sister and nephew went to Sauder’s Village (interactive museum about live in the 1800’s) for the day.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 30

Talk with pride. Are you proud to be autistic? How do you show the world your pride?

I am not proud to be autistic. Not because I’m ashamed or anything but because I take issue with the concept of pride itself. I have a bit of an issue with being proud of things that are outside of my control. How can someone be proud of something they didn’t accomplish? It just strikes me as kind of odd. I think in order to have pride for something, it has to be something you have accomplished or played a role in. I’m not proud to be trans or white or autistic, it’s just who I am. While I wouldn’t say I’m proud to be autistic I’m definitely not ashamed of it. I quite like being autistic; it’s who I am. I certainly would not want to be anyone else. Autism provides so many great experiences that typical people don’t get to have. So while I am not proud to be autistic I am quite happy being so and would not wish to change it.

I don’t show pride so much as I show my experience and thoughts, both with this campaign and year round. I’ve not been as forthright in the past, particularly with the people I am close to but I’ve not really held anything back in this campaign. Several of my family have approached me and said they understand me much better now and that’s really what I was hoping for. For people to understand the autistic though process and how we experience things on a day to day basis. I think I’ve definitely made a good start though this campaign and I will hopefully continue to be able to put my story out there.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 29

Talk about executive functioning. Do you experience executive dysfunction? How do you deal with it?

The formal definition of executive functions is: 'a set of processes that all have to do with managing oneself and one's resources in order to achieve a goal. It is an umbrella term for the neurologically-based skills involving mental control and self-regulation'. Executive functions are the skills that everyone uses to organize and follow through with information and instructions. This includes planning, working memory, attention, problem solving, verbal reasoning, inhibition, cognitive flexibility and, initiation of actions. People with autism often have deficits with executive functioning.

I have so many problems with executive dysfunction which my parents usually attribute to laziness or procrastination. They don’t seem to realize that I’m (usually) not being lazy I just don’t know where to start. The best way I’ve found to deal with executive dysfunction are lists, getting into a routine, clear instructions and, timers. For important tasks, I make a list with clear and detailed instructions and I set times for how long I have to work. Frequent breaks help to keep me from getting overwhelmed. I’ve found that this is the best way to get me to function, though it doesn’t always work.

One of the biggest things I have trouble with is lack of clarity in instructions. This is especially noticeable in schoolwork that has non-detailed instructions. I become stressed, panicky and, unable to start on projects that are not clearly detailed which often results in me leaving it to the last minute and then having to rush to finish it. I just had a presentation I had to do and the instructions included a list of questions we were supposed to think about but it also said not to answer all of them or use them as a way to organize the presentation. If we weren’t supposed to use them then why the fuck were they included? It also told us to have a handout or PowerPoint but didn’t actually say what we were supposed to include on it, how long it was supposed to be, or how we should format it. She didn’t tell us what the grading criteria was. The whole thing was so confusing and stressful.

I think there needs to be a determination about whether being able to do something, but not actually doing it/being able to do it some or the majority of the time actually counts as being able to do something. For example, when doing laundry, I know how to fold and put away my clothes and I’m physically capable of doing so but when it comes to actually doing it there seems to be a disconnect. Most of the times my clothes end up folded or unfolded and placed in a pile on the chair or floor. In the process of doing the task my brain just kind of stops halfway though and things remain undone.

It can depend on what I’m doing but I often have a hard time moving from one task to another. It’s like I get stuck and just can’t move on or stop what I’m doing. Even if it’s something I want to do. One of the most common situations this happens in is when I’m in the car; I will arrive someplace but be unable to make myself get out of the car. This also seems to happen a lot when I’m at my grandmothers and trying to leave, I’ll be sitting there and say, ‘I’m leaving now’ but be unable to actually leave. Sometimes I end up stuck there for over an hour continually saying I’m leaving but unable to actually get out of the door.

Another way I’ve found to stave off executive dysfunction is getting into a routine. Like when I first started cleaning the house, my tasks were out of order, half of the things didn’t get done, it took forever as I jumped from task to task. Now that I’ve gotten a routine down, I do things in the exact same order every time and it goes much more smoothly. Unless for some reason I can’t stick to my routine and then I become stressed out and irritable. This can often lead to the unfortunate occurrence of an argument on cleaning day when people are over and my parents try to reorganize how I clean. My parents don’t seem to understand that I need to do things in a certain order.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 28

Talk about autism as a disability. Do you think autism is a disability or a difference? Or both? Do you feel more disabled by society than by your autism?

I would definitely say autism is both a disability and a difference. Some aspects are positive while others can be disabling. I believe that I am more disabled by society’s lack of accommodations than by being autistic. My behaviors and social skills are not wrong they are just different and if it weren’t for NTs being so particular about the proper way to behave, I would not be disabled, or at least not to the extant that I am. However, even if the barrier of having to present in a typical way was removed I would still have a lot of trouble with things and I would still class myself as being disabled.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 27

Talk about eye-contact. Do you make eye-contact? Why or why not? Does it make you uncomfortable?

I don’t make a lot of eye contact. It makes me really uncomfortable and when I am doing it, it takes up all of my attention. So, I can either be looking into someone’s eyes or I can be listening to what they’re saying. I will do brief glancing eye-contact with the people I’m really comfortable with, but the neurotypical brand of eye-contact is outside of my capabilities. I don’t really catch or understand the little micro expressions people do so it seems kind of pointless to make eye-contact when I don’t get anything out of it and it stresses me out. I usually use vocal tone to figure out their emotions which seems to work well for me.

In school and out in public I usually wear sunglasses. They serve 2 purposes: to block out the fluorescent lighting that most places seem to have and to hide my lack of eye-contact. In cases without the sunglasses I typically look at the ground or off to the side, though sometimes I attempt to appear like I’m looking them in the eye and I look at their forehead. But for the most part I don’t really care, most people know I’m autistic so it seems like a waste of time trying to blend in when it really serves no purpose.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 26

Talk about echolalia and scripting. Do you use echolalia? What about scripting?

Echolalia is defined as the meaningless repetition of another person's spoken words. I don't really agree with this. Just because echolalia is a different way to communicate does not mean it's wrong or meaningless. Scripting is a form of echolalia.

I don’t do much verbal echolalia. At least not in conversation, I do seem to have a lot of echolalial stims. I’ve mentioned my ‘Nicky Nicky Nicky’ that I used to do as well as ‘Bah bah bah bah bologna.’ The majority of my echolalia seems to be sort of mental repetition. I’ll say or hear something and end up repeating it in my head for ages and ages. And it usually has a progression to it. Something like ‘I went to the store’ will eventually become either just ‘store store store’ or me spelling it out over and over. Sometimes I do catch myself saying it out loud but usually it’s just in my head.

A lot of my verbal communication is scripting. I do have a semi-functional collection of phrases to get me though the most common social scenarios. My mother has commented that I don’t have a conversation so much as make statements, which makes sense if I’m scripting a lot. The downside of scripting is that its only really useful for basic small talk and very common interactions. Anything more intensive than asking and responding about the weather or how I am today actually requires a thought-out response, which is unfortunate and can make me seem somewhat laggy. I’m sure my interactions get boring as well if I’m always saying the same responses. I do try to kind of alternate my phrases every once in a while so conversations with me aren’t quite so monotonous but I’m not sure how well I actually accomplish that.

My language is already odd, it’s stiff and more formal and my terminology is a bit different from the typical person my age. As I’ve mentioned before Britain is a special interest of mine and I’ve picked up a bunch of British terminology which has worked its way into my scripts. I’m sure this comes across as even more odd as the typical American doesn’t go around saying things like ‘this needs to be put in the post,’ or ‘mind the lorry’ or ‘I have chocolate digestive biscuits.’ I should probably make it more of a priority to learn some new and more common scripts but as I can usually communicate okay it’s not something I’m too chuffed about.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 25

Talk about meltdowns/shutdowns. Do you have them? How often? What are your triggers?

I have both meltdowns and shutdowns. The frequency really depends on what exactly is going on in my life both in general and on a day to day basis. On a large scale, if it’s during the school semester or while preparing for some sort of big change or a holiday when people invade the house it makes the threshold lower and I meltdown/shutdown more often. While during more sedate times, I’m usually better able to cope, they occur less frequently. Depending on the situation I can have them every few days to every month.

I think I’m more prone to shutdowns than meltdowns, though they both occur with some regularity. I don’t always notice I’m close to meltdown/shutdown but when I do it’s usually that I notice I’m very irritable but not really sure why. In cases where I notice I’m close to meltdown I can sometimes head it off by retreating to my room and watching a movie or sleeping.

During a meltdown, I usually end up shouting, pacing, crying, banging my head, acting illogically, my responses get shorter and more snarky, sometimes I just really want to scream and pound on the floor (I usually don’t do this anymore). Some of my common triggers are change of plans, doing too much socializing, lack of clarity in instructions, prolonged stress, sensory overload, being tired. Now I can usually handle these things happening individually or in pairs but if I’m already stressed out or if too many of them happen it can cause a melt/shutdown.

One of my biggest triggers is when things don’t go according to plan or don’t work properly. Obviously, most people get upset when things don’t work as they should but in my case, it seems to affect me more profoundly. I’m easily frustrated and not very patient. Something will go wrong and I kind of spaz out and usually end up lying on the floor for a while unable to move or think. I guess it I would describe it as a meltdown, followed by a shutdown. I get so agitated and upset, I usually pace or rock or cry and then that becomes too much to handle and I go into shutdown and end up lying face down on the floor or bed.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 24

Talk about the stereotypes and misconceptions that neurotypicals and allistics have. What stereotypes have you heard about autism? How do you respond to people who have incorrect stereotypes about autism? What kind of things should people not say to autistic people? What’s something you wish NTs/allistics knew about autism?

Some of the most common stereotypes I’ve come across are the following and to be clear all of them are complete rubbish: 

• ‘Autistic people are like children/have the mind of a child.’ A lot of us go to university, get married, work, have children of our own. That doesn’t sound like a child. And even for the people that can’t manage to do those things it doesn’t make them a child, it means they may require a bit more support but they are not children. There is no one way to be an adult. You don’t get to dismiss someone’s adulthood because they do things differently than how you would like. 
• ‘Autistic people are all intellectually disabled.’ Most autistic people have average to above average intelligence and even for those that don’t it’s not a reason to treat them like a child. Intelligence is not the most important thing in the world. 
• ‘Autism is something that only effects children/something we grow out of.’ You can’t grow out of a neurotype. Autistic people are born autistic and we will die autistic, it’s not something we grow out of. 
• ‘Autistic people don’t have emotions.’ We may not be able to show them as much but we definitely have emotions. Just because they don’t always present in the typical way doesn’t mean they are not there.
• ‘Vaccines cause autism.’ This is by far one of the most idiotic things I’ve ever heard and despite all the evidence to the contrary some people really believe this. There is no arguing with these people.

Though it can depend on the situation I usually tell people, with documentation and examples, as to why their opinion is a load of crap (I word it a bit more tactfully). I’m not really sure how well this approach works. Most people seem unwilling to change their opinion even when presented with factual information to the contrary. Though a couple weeks ago I did manage to successfully convince someone that autism speaks is awful so I guess it works sometimes.

What not to say to autistic people has already been partially covered on day 12 in the discussion about ableism so I don’t have too much to add. Along with the above statements you shouldn’t say anything about how we don’t seem/look autistic, don’t say we’re high functioning, don’t compare us to your young child, don’t ask us to act more neurotypical.

Something allistics/NTs need to remember is that autism is a huge spectrum with lots of variation in how it presents, no two autistic people are the same. We have a saying: If you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person. We are all different. So don’t go comparing us to anyone else, I can assure we are not all the same.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 23

Talk about your living situation. Where do you live? Do you live alone or with other people? Are you happy with your current living arrangements?

I currently live at home with my mother and stepfather. It’s the classic 25-year-old nerdy, socially inept person living in the basement scenario. I can’t do anything about my living situation now, but when I’m financially stable I’d like to move out. Either into a group home or with a roommate. I don’t think I would cope very well living completely on my own. I’m too forgetful and easily overwhelmed. I think things would be okay at first and then quickly go downhill to a point where it would just be a very unhealthy/unproductive situation.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 22

Talk about autism parents. How do you feel about this section of the community? Do you feel as if they speak over you? Do you find the term ‘autism parent’ rude or offensive?

I find the term ‘autism parent’ rude and misleading. There is no such thing as an autism parent, you cannot parent a neurotype. The proper term would be parent to an autistic child. I’ve tried to argue my point about this but the majority of ‘autism parents’ don’t listen.

I’m kind of iffy about whether these people even belong in the community. They are not autistic themselves so they can’t and shouldn’t be speaking for us. I guess I would class them more as sort of visitor. They are welcome to come and observe and interact with us and to gather information or advice but they shouldn’t be inserting their opinion about what’s best for us or how we should behave. They’re a tourist not a resident, they don’t get to speak as to the autistic experience.

A common situation I’ve come across with these people is that they ask for advice and then jump all over when you say something they don’t like. ‘Why is my child doing this?’ and then when I try to explain the autistic thought process behind why their child may be doing it, they tell me I couldn’t possibly understand. Or that ‘my child is nothing like you’ ‘I know my child better than you; how can you say that’s what he’s thinking.’ While obviously, I don’t know the exact situation and I’ll never know as much about a child as the parent, I do know what it’s like to be autistic and the thought process behind our actions. Some of the stuff they ask about is stuff that I’ve done but when I try to tell them they ignore it or tell me I don’t understand. It’s incredibly rude. I’ve come to the conclusion that 95% of the time when they’re asking for advice what they really want is either pity or admiration.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 21

Talk about comorbid conditions. Do you have any other disorders commonly related to autism? Were you misdiagnosed as something else first?

I’ve been seeing doctors/psychiatrists since I was 3 when my mom took me to the doctor because I was ridiculously hyper. They like to tell the story of me literally climbing up the wall and then running around the room on the little edge/crowning thing that was midway up the wall. And that was when I received my first diagnosis: ADHD. Over the next 20 years I received or had been tested for a multitude of things. The diagnoses I received were ADHD, ODD, depression/dysthymia, GAD, social phobias and panic disorder. At one point I was also tested for OCD and bipolar disorder but they were inclusive.

I would agree with all of my diagnoses except perhaps ODD. I think a lot of the behavior that was interpreted as defiance could have been symptoms of my autism. Looking at the symptoms of ODD a lot of them overlap. Things like refusal to comply with instructions may have been me misunderstanding the directions. Or being deliberately annoying could be explained by my lack of social skills, I may not have even known what I was doing was bothering them, or if I did register they were irritated I wouldn’t have known why or how to modify my behavior. Stubbornness/inability to compromise can be summed up by my inability to adapt to change. I need to do things my way, it’s not just a want or me being difficult; I become agitated and confused when presented with an alternate instruction or change of plans.

I wouldn’t for sure say I was misdiagnosed with anything but I think it obvious that the doctors didn’t do as well as they could have in trying to categorize all my symptoms. With the diagnoses, I had before I got my autism diagnosis, yes some of the symptoms do overlap but there are quite a few that don’t and no one really tried to find something that would cover all of them. One would think with all the people I saw and was evaluated by someone would have suggested autism but apparently not. If I hadn’t pushed for a diagnosis I doubt anyone else would have brought it up as a possibility.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance Day 20

Talk about communication.  Are you verbal? Nonverbal? Partially verbal?  How do you usually communicate?

I was a late talker; my mother says I didn’t start speaking until I was four but that once I started I spoke normally and never stopped.  From what she described I’ve come to the realization that I must have had, at least briefly, some sort of impediment regarding certain sounds.  Specifically, those with the ‘or’ sound which I would pronounce as ‘air’.  So morning was mair-ning, door was dair, four was fair.  Apparently I would have arguments with my grandfather to shut the dair and that I was fair years old while he would argue the correct pronunciation.

For the most part I am verbal and don’t generally have any trouble communicating through speech.  However, on some occasions, usually when I’m really stressed, I cannot talk.  It’s like the words are there but I can’t get my mouth to cooperate enough to say them.  I guess I could classify these instances as nonverbal episodes though I’m inclined to believe they are tied more into my social anxiety than my autism.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance Day 19

Talk about your struggles and strengths.  What things are difficult for you because you are autistic?  What are the positives of being autistic?  Do you have a special skill or talent?

I would say that for me, social interaction is definitely the thing I struggle with most in regards to my autism.  I’ve still not totally got the hang of how to be social and often have trouble with conversations, even with my parents and close relatives.  My mother says that it feels as if I don’t have I conversation so much as make statements.  I can never think of what to talk about and essentially end up repeating the same scripts every day.  It’s also really hard when things go off schedule, I don’t exactly have a set schedule but plans changing at the last minute or being told to do things in a different way is incredibly stressful.

The sensory processing issues I have are, I suppose, both a positive and negative.  It sucks to have such strong aversions to things but at the same times the good sensory input is amazing.  So maybe I’ll never be able to prepare raw chicken by myself but the joy I get from touching soft things and burrowing under my weighted blanket kind of makes up for.  It seems that NTs don’t get to experience things as intensely as we do, I think that’s kind of sad. 

Positives are being able to experience the world in a different way, it’s cool to be able to experience the world in a way outside of the norm.  It actually seems like it’d be quite boring to be NT.  I can’t imagine it would be enjoyable having to conform in the way that they do, at least with being autistic I have a reason for being odd.  Special interests are definitely a positive (provided they are something appropriate). It’s so easy for me to absorb all the information about a special interest, like you can be an overnight ‘expert’ on whatever you’re into which is pretty cool.  I don’t really think NTs have the same ability to do that, at least not to the extent that autistic people can.

I don’t really have a special talent per se, but I do seem to be an exceptionally strong writer.  Most of my talent seems to be centered around language/linguistics.  I excel at word based subjects such as English and history and I love reading.  

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 18

Talk about functioning labels. What is your opinion about functioning labels? Where are you on the spectrum? If you don’t like functioning labels how would you describe your functioning ability?

I think functioning labels are rude and inaccurate. They are a way to dismiss the needs of the ‘high functioning’ and dismiss the abilities of the ‘low functioning.’ Saying a person is high or low functioning doesn’t actually provide any information as every person has a mix of functioning ability that could vary depending on the day or task.

As a whole, I’m pretty functional. I can speak verbally and have mastered all the basic selfcare skills such as washing, eating, dressing. But just because I can do these things most of the time doesn’t mean I can do them all of the time, or in every situation. At home I can speak easily and coherently to my parents and close relatives, while to other people or out in public I may not be able to talk at all or I may be less articulate. And while most of the time I don’t have any problem showering or making something to eat there are other times when I can’t manage to take a shower properly if at all or I will sit there and be hungry because I can’t make myself something to eat. There are days when I’m not able to leave the house (at least not in a presentable manner) because I haven’t been able to wash my clothes. So, while I am capable of doing these simple tasks I cannot always do them in a reliable manner and this excludes me, at least at the present time, from living independently.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 17

Talk about empathy. Many people think autistics do not have empathy. What’s your experience with empathy? Are you hyper empathic or not empathic at all?

I feel that I’m both hyper and hypo empathetic, or perhaps just appear to be hypo empathetic. It really depends on the situation. I’m pretty high on emotional empathy while low on cognitive empathy.
I am more hypo empathetic in the context of cognitive empathy. I never really got the whole seeing something from someone else’s perspective. I’m not them, how am I supposed to know how someone else feels in regards to a situation. If they explain it, I can usually understand on a logical level why they are upset but I don’t really feel any emotion towards it.

Regarding emotional empathy I’m hyper empathetic to the things I’m passionate about but I don’t or can’t feel much empathy towards other things. I can register on a logical level that something is sad or upsetting but I don’t have much emotion for it. I think part of it is that I can’t/don’t allow myself to feel the emotions. It takes too much of a toll to let myself feel too many things and I have to sort of filter out what I can’t deal with. I believe this is why I can be super upset and crying over a fictional book/show I’m invested in but have nearly no reaction to hearing about a real world bombing or shooting. I kind of keep myself together by shutting out the things I can’t deal with, which is why I can appear cold and emotionless. I do have a lot of empathy towards things but I can’t allow myself to feel it or I would be perpetually upset.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 16

Talk about treatment.  Have you been through any therapies?  What ones did you like?  Which ones didn’t you like?  Do you think autistic people need therapy for their autism?

As I was only diagnosed in 2014, I have not had and therapy specifically for my autism. I have been in therapy/treatment since the age of four when I got my ADHD diagnosis.  Since then a string of other disorders has been diagnosed, some of which I’m still being treated for.  I’ll talk more about my other diagnoses on the 21st.

I’m currently in counselling, which I like.  It’s nice to be able to talk to someone about my problems.  My therapist is good though I’m still not really used to her.  My previous therapist left about a year ago, I was with her for 10 years.  It was upsetting and I’ve still not really adjusted to this new person.  She’s good though, helping me work through some issues I have with my anxiety/depression and transness.  I also see a psychiatrist, who prescribes meds for dealing with my depression and anxiety.

When I was younger I had both play and art therapy, which I think were okay.  I’m not sure how much they helped but I didn’t have any negative experiences with it and it didn’t really feel like therapy, so I guess that’s good.  When I was in my early teens I went through a several sessions of group therapy for social skills training.  I don’t really remember much about it and I doubt it increased my social skills but it wasn’t bad or anything.  Right before I received my autism diagnosis I also attended I think like 2 sessions with a psychologist which I quickly realized was not for me.  All kinds of weird questions about how I was feeling and what made me sad.  It was pretty much the classic ‘and how does that make you feel’ situation.  I just found the whole thing kind of bizarre and didn’t go back.  

Overall I don’t really think autistic people need therapy for being autistic, we may however benefit from therapy for certain symptoms of our autism e.g. speech or occupational therapy.  Any therapy we get should be with the goal of helping us learn coping skills and how to succeed; therapy should not be forced assimilation to the neurotypical world such as with ABA.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 15

Talk about identity. How do you identify? Autistic? Asperger’s? Person with Autism? What’s your take on person/identity first language?

I identify as autistic, my official diagnosis is Autism Spectrum Disorder level 1/Asperger’s. For some reason both diagnoses are mentioned on my paperwork. And it’s even further confused by the fact that the doctor who evaluated me said if I had been diagnosed before the DSM5 I would most likely have been diagnosed with high functioning autism. I’m still not really clear on the distinction between Asperger’s and high functioning autism though I believe the only real difference was that HFA presents with a speech delay while Asperger’s doesn’t. I guess it’s kind of irrelevant now anyway since it’s all been combined. So yeah, I just identify as autistic.

I greatly prefer identity first language (IFL). My autism is a part of me; it’s not an accessory to be added or removed at will. Autism is a central part of my identity, it makes me who I am. It’s my neurology. Saying person with autism implies that the autism is somehow separate, that can be taken out, or that it’s temporary. I don’t like the similarity in phrasing to things like ‘I have a cold’ or ‘I have cancer.’ Autism is a harmless difference in the brain, not a disease. I am autistic, it is not a negative attribute, it’s a statement of fact. Autistic is something I am not something I have.

In my experience, the people who prefer person first are the people who view autism as something inherently negative. They’re also the people who use phrases like ‘suffers from autism.’ The argument for person first language (PFL) is to stress our humanity and that first and foremost we are people. But why do you need to remind yourself that we are people? Do you forget? Person first language isn’t used in reference to other things. Women are not people with femaleness. White people are not people with whiteness or people who are Caucasian. Redheads are not called people with hair that is red. So why do people refer to autism this way? And it’s not the autistic people who prefer this phrasing; it’s the parents. Because they want to think that somewhere hiding behind the autism is a typical child. That if they could take the autism out their child would be normal. Using PFL is a way to separate the autism from the person so that it becomes a theoretical concept. Which in turn opens the door to people saying things like ‘I love my son but I hate his autism.’ How exactly does that work? Your son is autistic, the autism shapes his behavior and who he is, there is no typical child underneath the autism.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 14

Talk about role models. Who are your role models? How have they influenced you?

A short post for today as I don’t really get the whole role model thing. I think John Elder Robison is an excellent autistic role model. His books ‘Look Me in the Eye’ and ‘Be Different’ were some of the first I read after I received my diagnosis. It kind of reinforced the idea that there’s nothing wrong with being autistic, I wasn’t broken or defective. He’s a strong autism advocate. Tried (unsuccessfully) to remodel autism speaks. He’s a pretty successful person; husband, father, owns his own business, published four books. I think that’s quite an accomplishment.

Some other people I admire are Chase Ross, Laverne Cox, Temple Grandin, Emma Watson. I wouldn’t really say any of these people have influenced me though. I just think they’re decent people.

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 13

Talk about something funny.  Has anything humorous or ironic ever happened to you because you were autistic?

Not really all that funny but since it’s kind of poking fun at a rude NT I find it rather amusing.  This was just the other day actually.  She had commented on an autism related video on Facebook about how autism is a horrible disorder.  And I replied that it wasn’t and if that was how she felt, she was part of the problem. Her response was to ask me if I’d ever actually interacted with a person with autism because if I had, I’d know what she was talking about because apparently we’re really difficult.  I of course replied that I am autistic.  And interestingly enough, when I went back a few minutes later to see if she had responded, she had deleted the entire conversation.  I guess she didn’t want to look like a fool.  

Here’s another story from when I was little, I had apparently never heard the term punching so I came up with my own term ‘hand-kicking’ which my parents found adorable and didn’t correct me on.  I think it wasn’t until the second or third grade that I found out hand-kicking isn’t a thing.  

I personally am partial to dry humor.  For my jokes I usually rely on wordplay or I often make blunt statement that can be somewhat amusing (though I often don’t immediately get why).  Some recent interactions include:

Grandma (who is legally blind): These windows are filthy. I can’t see a thing out of them.
Me: Well you can’t really see anything to begin with so…

A while ago, basically my entire family was out for my cousin’s birthday.  We had already been there for two hours and by that point I and very restless to leave, I semi-quietly announced to my grandmother and aunt that we had to leave because my dad was ‘having some problems with his bowels’ (note that he wasn’t at the time though it’s common for him to announce his toileting habits so a statement like this wouldn’t be out of the norm). Dad found this hilarious but also told me to never say this again.  This has kind of become our go to phrase for when we want to get out of something.  ‘Sorry I can’t help you with those dishes Ma, I’m having some problems with my bowels.’

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 12

Talk about ableism. Have you experienced discrimination? Have you been the target of hate speech or slurs? Have you been a victim of abuse or violence? What’s the rudest thing someone has said to you about autism or you being autistic?

I’ve not really experienced any discrimination for being autistic (mostly my discrimination has been in reference to my gender or lack of religion) as until recently no one knew I was autistic. I can’t really recall any specific instances but looking back I certainly seemed to be treated differently or looked down upon for behaviors that I now realize are related to my autism. Thankfully I’ve not physically harassed or anything. Please don't ever say any of the following things to an autistic person.

I’ve received ableist comments online and in person when revealing that I’m autistic. Comments like:

• “No way you’re autistic, you’re nothing like my child.” Your child is four years old and I’m in my 20's so how do you know I wasn’t like that? You cannot base your very young child’s future ability based on their current functioning ability. 
• “Autistic? So that’s like retarded, right?” No, no it’s not and you shouldn’t really be saying that. 
• “You know you can cure that with (insert random diet or treatment).” Uh, no you can’t. And nor would I want to.
• “Where is your mommy or daddy?” I’m in my 20s, thanks. I don’t need my parents to go to the store; I’m quite capable of doing this task on my own.

And then there’s always the well-meaning but insulting comments:

• “You must be very high functioning.” Functioning labels are rude and inaccurate.
• “I’m sorry.” Why? I’m not. There’s nothing wrong with being autistic.
• “Oh really? You seem so normal. Are you sure?” Just because I don’t fit your very narrow definition of autism doesn’t mean I am not autistic.
• “Everyone is a little autistic.” No, they are not. Because if everyone was autistic, autism would not be a thing.

And then sometimes I get really weird or somewhat amusing comments:

• “Does this mean you’re really good at math?” No, in fact I’m in remedial math classes.
• “Can you have sex?” I don’t know what would possess someone to ask this to a person they’ve just met but it’s surprisingly common. When I get this question I usually just end the conversation. 
• “So, have you heard of Temple Grandin?” Yes, pretty much every time I tell people I’m autistic they bring this up.
• “Do you like the show Blue’s Clues?” Yeah, I used to when I was about 6. I’ve got this question a few times. I’m still not totally sure why people think because I’m autistic I must enjoy watching blue’s clues.