Showing posts with label LGBTQ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LGBTQ. Show all posts

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Do Be You

And here is the sister poem to Don't Be. This one is called Do Be You. 

It is possible
To be who you are
And stay the same
Even if you have to change 
To be you
You may
Cut your hair
Or grow it out
You may
Stop shaving
Or start
You may 
Buy a packer
Or a gaff
You may
Start on T
Or E
You may
Change your clothes
Change your name
Change your pronouns
Change your body
If you want
And you should
Do what you want
Do what makes you happy
Do be you

Don't Be

As I've mentioned pretty much every year since I started this blog, April is National Poetry Month and as per the norm I shall be posting a few of my poems.

Here's a poem I wrote last month for trans days of visibility.  Which I stopped doing (obviously) as I kind of got distracted by putting together my own campaign (which I shall be adding soon) but I may go still do some of the prompts and back date them, of which I will make a note if I do.  Anyway here's my poem, I titled it Don't Be. 

This body I am in
Is not my own
It does not belong to me
There has been
A horrible mistake
And because of this mistake
I must endure
People thinking of me
And referring to me
As something I am not
It saddens me
And it angers me
And I want to scream
But I don't
I don't do anything
Don't draw attention
Don't correct people
Don't cause a scene
Don't be different
Don't make people uncomfortable
Don't be yourself
All these rules
Needed to survive
Seem to say
Don't be happy

Friday, April 7, 2017

30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 7

Talk about community. How are you treated by your local community? Do you participate in any online communities? How have they reacted to you being autistic?

I guess my local community is okay. Generally I don’t leave the house unless I have to. I only go out for specific reasons and don’t really enjoy ambling about. On average I’d say the local population is decent, there’s always a few creeps and weirdos but generally they’re okay. I don’t really do much in person interaction outside of my family. The only in person communities I regularly interact with is the occasional atheist or LGBT meetups. I suppose school would count as a community but I don’t really talk to people and I don’t hang around there longer than I have to.

The vast majority of my social interaction is done online. I’m in groups for pretty much everything I am. There are plenty of autism, trans/queer, atheist, communities available online. It’s nice to be able to interact with people who are like me. I also participate in groups relating to my hobbies and special interests. I’m lucky that my interests are fairly common, should I desire interaction, there’s usually always someone willing to discuss things.

While I am out as autistic it’s not exactly something that comes up very often. People’s reactions are usually okay. Occasionally I’ll get some ableist comments but I’d say the vast majority of people are decent.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

TDoV Day 14

Day 14: Talk about traditional media. Have you been influenced by trans themes in the media? Have you had to correct misinformation about trans people that others got from the media?

In regards to trans people, the media is wrong 97% of the time.  It’s astounding the number of people who think there are only trans women, when I say I’m trans many people assume I’m mtf and I always have to correct them and say ‘No I’m actually female to male.’  It can be annoying.   With the exception of Boys Don’t Cry, trans men are hardly ever mentioned.  We have next to no awareness.  It’s frustrating. 

And there’s always the misinformation about surgery and your body.  People say all kinds of rude stuff about trans bodies and surgery.  A couple common ones:
“You have to have surgery to be trans.” Or “When are you having surgery?” You do not have to have surgery.  There is no right or wrong way to be trans.  Plus it’s rude to ask people about any medical procedures they may have had/will have.
“Have you had ‘the’ surgery?”  Which surgery are you referring to?  There is no one surgery.  For ftms there’s top surgery and a multitude of bottom surgeries. Which one are you referring to?
“Do you have a penis? Do you still have boobs?  What genitals do you have?”  Rude.  You shouldn’t be asking this to anyone but your sexual partner.  

Monday, March 13, 2017

TDoV Day 13

Day 13: Talk about music, art, writing, and other forms of creativity. What do you create? Do you include trans themes in your creations? Does your creativity help you with any trans issues?

As you know, writing is my artistic talent.  I write poems and short stories.  I even enjoy writing research type papers if it's about something I'm passionate about.  I have yet to write anything trans related (other than a research paper for school) but I shall endeavor to write at least a couple of trans related poems for next month.  So be on the lookout for them come April.  Writing is a good form of therapy for me, I can’t say whether it helps me with trans issues in particular but it does help with my overall mental well-being.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

TDoV Day 11

Day 11: Talk about expression and presentation. Do you present as your identified gender? Do you use cosmetics? Do you use scented products? Do you wear jewelry or other accessories? Which rack do most of your clothes come off of? Do you take any special measures with regard to body, facial, or head hair? Have you faced any particular challenges related to your gender expression or presentation?

I present as a man.  I wear men’s clothes and shoes.  I use men’s toiletries.  I was never really into makeup, occasionally I’ll use some to darken my eyebrows but that’s about it.  I don’t wear a whole lot of jewelry.  Sometimes I wear my Batman watch or a chewie necklace but that’s it; I don’t like the sensation of jewelry on my body.  I like non-jewelry accessories though.  Even before I came out as trans I loved to wear ties, I have a whole bunch that I occasionally wear.  I like to wear snapback hats, I have several but mostly wear my galaxy print one, the others are pop culture based and only work with certain clothes (Pokémon, Batman, Slytherin, Zelda).  I also have a cheap pair of batman sunglasses I wear all the time.  All of my clothes come from the men’s department with the exception of socks which I get from boys (one of the few benefits of having smaller feet is that I can get 10 pairs of socks for $7).  I have a masculine haircut, it’s currently a fade, though I’ve previously had a Mohawk, fauxhawk, and buzz cut.  I don’t really have any particular challenges with my expression; mostly I just dress/express how I want to.  

Thursday, March 9, 2017

TDoV Day 9

Day 9: Talk about community. How are you treated by your local community? Do you participate in any online communities? How have they reacted to you being trans?

Online communities are the best.  I get way more support there than I’ve ever gotten in person.  Mostly I participate in autism, atheist, harry potter, and trans groups.  For the most part they have been overwhelmingly supportive.  There’s always going to be some assholes but for me at least online was the way to go support wise.  Shout out to all my great internet friends: You’re awesome.  

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

TDoV Day 8

Day 8: Talk about support. Who in your life has helped you? Have medical and mental health providers served your needs? Have lawmakers in your jurisdiction worked to protect you?

I don’t have much support from my family.  My mom doesn’t have a problem with me wearing men’s clothing or having a men’s haircut and stuff but she freaks out about me identifying as a man.  I don’t know.  It’s been like two years I thought she’d have gotten used to it by now.  But Theo is great about it and my friends online.  My aunt calls me by my chosen name even if she messes up the pronouns sometimes.  Both my past and current therapists are really good.  Ohio is about one of the worst states for trans rights.   

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

TDoV Day 7

Day 7: Talk about children. Do you have any? Do you want to be a parent? Do you face any challenges to your desire or lack of desire for children? How have you worked against those challenges?
I do hope to have a child at some point, though definitely not anytime soon.  I've got so much shit going on I need to get myself together first.  I don't see there being any challenges to having a child, at least not now.  I suppose it will depend on if I end up in a relationship with a man or woman or other who I could have biological children with.  It's not really something I'm concerned about at this point in my life.  

Monday, March 6, 2017

TDoV Day 6

Day 6: Talk about relationships. Do you have anyone special in your life? Have your relationships been affected by your being trans?
I'm not seeing anyone and not really interested in dating at this point.  My depression has been kind of bad lately and I'm trying to get myself more stable before bringing someone else into my life.  I would imagine it will be more difficult to find someone okay with my gender identity.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

TDoV Day 5

Day 5: Talk about dysphoria. Do you experience dysphoria? How does it affect you? What things do you do to cope with it?
I have a great deal of dysphoria about my chest.  I wear a binder when I can handle it but it's uncomfortable and not exactly sensory-friendly and with my autism it just makes me more agitated about everything.  Also I'm kind of wary about accidentally injuring myself again.  Binders can cause long term/permanent damage to the body that can make top surgery more difficult when I have it done in the future.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

TDoV Day 4

Day 4: Talk about transition. Do you want to? What kind of progress have you made? How has the process affected your day to day life? Do you feel your transition is complete?
I'm still unsure of the path I wish to take to transition.  The only medical process I know I want for sure is top surgery.  I have no desire for bottom surgery at all and am undecided as to whether I want to go on testosterone.  I am hoping to be able to do a name and gender-maker change as some point in the semi-near future.  At this point I'm content to wait a while before furthering my transition.

Friday, March 3, 2017

TDoV Day 3

Day 3: Talk about coming out. Are you out? Who did you come out to first? How did people in your life react?
I am out as ftm and have been since October of 2015, I think?  I'm not sure of the specific dates and I came out to different people at different times and I didn't post it on here right away so I'm a little unsure as the the exact time but I believe it was around October of 2015.  I am out to my friends and family and mostly out at school.  The first person I told was my BFF Theo as of this point he is the only one who really accepts me.  My aunts are okay and my therapist is cool about it but that's it.  My parents refuse to even acknowledge it and change the subject whenever I bring it up.  My sister treats it as a joke and says she doesn't believe I'm trans.  My grandmother yells at me when I bring it up.  So I'm not exactly in the most supportive situation.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

TDoV Day 2

Day 2: Talk about your process of discovery and realization. How did you come to understand yourself to be trans?
I never really felt particularly feminine.  I don't like girly stuff, I don't like particularly manly stuff either but whatever.  I've never really felt comfortable with myself or my body.  It's been a journey discovering and coming to terms with my gender identity and expression.  If you've been following the blog you know I first came out as genderfluid and then more recently came out as ftm.  I know I've said I'm ftm but honestly I'm still a little unsure.  But I have definitely narrowed it down between trans man and masculine agender.  At this point I'm not really too stressed about working out which.  And i really don't want to have to come out again.  Especially if I am ftm I'd hate to come out as agender and be wrong yet again.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

TDoV Day 1

I know my updating has been rather dismal lately and I am going to change it with the 31 Days of Trans Visibility.  The original idea is located here: Trans Days of Visibility.  Basically the idea is to answer the prompt everyday to raise awareness.  I'm probably not going to do everyday but I promise I will do at least half of them even if it's only a few lines.
Day 1: Make yourself known. Tell the world your name, age, and how you identify. Post a picture of yourself.
I do wish to remain anonymous both for my safety and the safety of the people I've mentioned on here.  Being trans and atheist isn't exactly the most accepted thing and I do worry about my safety sometimes.  As you know I prefer to go by Oliver.  I'm 24.  I currently identify as a trans man.

Saturday, April 2, 2016

24th Birthday/General Update

I know it's been a while since I updated (my finished essay about transgenderism was posted earlier) I've been busy with school, the anniversary of my father's death, my birthday,  my disability hearing, Easter, and my cousin Ryker's birthday was today.

My birthday was the 16th.  My parents were in Florida, as they were last year as well, so I went out with my grandmother and my aunt and her family.  They gave me some money which went into my vacation fund.  I went out to eat with my parents and sister after they came back.  My mother got me a men's watch; it's batman themed.  Plus she paid for my license tag.  I'd picked out my own birthday card a while ago because she had a coupon at hallmark.  It was blue with a dog and was addresses 'to my son.'  She of course forgot it when they went on vacation and instead sent me a pink, flowery, glittery card addressed 'to my daughter.'  It upset me greatly and when I brought it up to her after she got back she said she only chose it because of the message inside.  I'm sure there was a son card with a similar message but whatever.  She did give me the men's batman watch and the son card I'd picked out but I think it was only because I was near tears when I was talking about the daughter one.

School is going well, only four weeks left to the semester, I have one big paper due for comp2, which I'm already half finished with, and a bunch of math stuff, which I'm not really finished with.  Currently getting A's in both the classed so let's hope I finish out the semester well.  I'm registered for summer and fall classes.  I'm taking sociology this summer, which I think will be interesting.  For fall I've signed up for American multicultural lit and American history, so those should be fun.

My stepsister and her annoying family came down for Easter.  It went about as well as it usually does, which is to say that I don't like annoying children in my house and I couldn't wait for them to leave.  Everyone was there on Saturday including my sister's family, my aunt's family, and my grandmother.  As is typical in that situation we ran out of chairs and I ate my dinner on the kitchen floor.

It is now April which of course means it is national poetry month.  I will as usual be posting several of my poems, starting tomorrow, maybe, if I remember.  April is also national autism month which I generally do not participate in due to the loathing I posess for Autism $peaks.  Look at this site, http://www.boycottautismspeaks.com/, to find out more about why that is.  I did do the 'light it up gold' thing last year which I didn't hear anything about this year but I did find out about the #REDinstead campaign.  Last year it was called 'Walk in Red.'  That site can be found here: http://walkinred.weebly.com/about.html

Friday, March 4, 2016

Transgenderism: A Mental Condition or Normal Human Variance

I don't really have anything interesting going on so I figured I would post my essay that I'm working on.  It's not totally done, I'm going to add some personal stuff (which I'll add into this one when I finish), but I think it's pretty good so far.  Sorry for the weird formatting I copy and pasted it over.
UPDATE: Here is my finished essay.  I did very well on it and got a 97%.  Only one paper left to do this semester.  I'm almost done with that one.  I chose how harmful certain autism therapies are as my topic.  It's coming along nicely.
Transgenderism: A Mental Condition or Normal Human Variance

       Transgender is an umbrella term denoting people who identify themselves to be of a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth.  For instance, a female identified person may feel like she was born in a wrong body because her feelings, behavior, clothing, body characteristics, voice, and hairstyles are those of a male. Most transgender people go through hormone replacement therapy in which they are given either estrogen or testosterone in accordance with their gender identity.  Sometimes transgender people go to the extent of having surgeries to change their appearance and their sexual organs to align with their gender identity.  Transgender people try to make their expression of gender align with the gender they identify with internally.  According to recent American polls, quite a few people understand what to be a transgender person means.  Many people throughout the world overly discriminate and harass transgender people not knowing that transgenderism is not a mental condition but rather a normal human variant.
       As a mentally ill transgender person I know a fair bit about both.  Along with being a transgender male I also have depression, anxiety, and autism.  To me, being transgender does not in any way feel like a mental disorder.  My mental disabilities bleed into every aspect of my life, preventing me from going out, from talking to people, from doing the things that normal people can do without issue.  Being transgender does not negatively impact a person from within in the same way as a mental illness.  Rather it is society that places undue hardships onto transgender people.  Most of my family does not acknowledge that I am transgender; every time I bring it up they pointedly ignore it and change the subject.  When I do push them about it, they insist that I am a woman that I will never be a man.  This is hurtful and it’s not much better out of the house and amongst strangers.  I have had people call me offensive names, I have had people move as if they were going to assault me, and I have had people yell at me for trying to go into the bathroom.  When out in public I fear for my safety.  Transgender people have a one in twelve chance of being murdered solely for being trans and the people who kill us get away with it by claiming they were so shocked about us being trans that they could not help it.  This is unacceptable.  Transgenderism is not a mental illness; we are not sick, or crazy, or dangerous, we are just people trying to get by the same as everyone else.
       Several questions have been raised as to whether being a transgender person is a mental disorder.   The American Psychological Association recently argued that being a transgender person is not a mental illness.  The association made these changes to its manual known as DSM-5 and instead focused on the people who are usually distressed by their gender identity (Basu).  This idea is re-emphasized by Dr. Johanna Olson in an interview with ABC News.  He says that doctors, therapists and psychiatrists who have treated transgender people do not align it as a mental disorder.  They believe that it is a normal variation of gender identity that causes little distress to a person who does not know how to deal with the world anymore (Burke). 
       Many experiences such as discrimination, assault and being outcasted are the ones that cause the transgender population to suffer from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts or actions and other common mental health disorders.  At a rate of ten times the national average an estimated 41% of transgender people will attempt suicide at some point in their life.  
               Because mental illness as well as gender non-conformity is still 
               stigmatized in our society, many transgender individuals suffering with 
               depression are in the unfortunate position of having to contend with two 
               stigmas, which in turn can exacerbate their mental health problems. 
               When a people who identifies as trans has internalized society's negative 
               view of them, it is often the case that they do not seek out the treatment 
               they need (Scutti).
The APA argued that according to the analytical and statistical guide of mental disorders, those who go through complex gender incongruence are normally given the diagnosis of gender dysphoria.  Ariel Williams, who is a writer-artist and also a transgender person, concurs with this argument, saying that some people explain the diagnosis inappropriately as pathologies gender non-congruence and that it should be removed.  He goes ahead to say that they are convinced that it is an essential to hold on the diagnosis to ensure easy accessibility to care.  He identifies the international classification of diseases (ICD) in undergoing revision, and changes might occur to the current classification of stubborn, persistent incongruence. (Steinmetz)
       During the 1990s, the transgender population faced social stigma from society and were placed in the same category as pedophiles.  Williams explains the reason as to why people call transgender people mentally ill is because before a person can receive hormone replacement therapy or get surgery, they must receive at least two years of treatment from a psychologist or therapist to prove that they are not mentally ill.  This means that before conducting a surgery the doctor must assure them that they are not suffering from delusions that could be causing the difference in their gender identity.  Williams thinks that these issues are the ones that contribute to the society’s wrong thinking about the transgender.  He further believes that it could be very easy if people took the matter as easier to understand.  Dr. Dana Beyer, LGBT civil rights describe a similar situation, restating that the new development outlines a clear understanding of transgender people and will help bring an end to the stigmatization and discrimination with the rest of the community (Basu).
       It is not known why transgenderism occurs.  According to the American Psychological Association, transgender people do not choose to be born transgender but rather face a situation where their gender identity is not the same as their birth sex.  An article by Time magazine outlines that a lot should be done about the transgender rights.  If nothing is done, our cultures may as well disappear into discrimination and segregation.  The transgender population should be given the right to do whatever they want, including using the restrooms of what they feel they are, male or female.  For them having a comfortable and safe place to go to and people to talk to, transgender people could feel at home and not feel like strangers when around people.  The Center for American Progress also shares similar views, arguing that a time had come to embrace change and treat everyone equally, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.  In a recent article, the issue was revisited by the Center for American Progress:
               State and local governments should put into place policies and practices 
               that treat all workers the same, regardless of sexual orientation or gender 
               identity. These policies are good for gay and transgender workers.  They are 
               good for efficient and effective government.  And they are good for the 
               American taxpayer.  The time to act is now.  (Burns, Graham and 
               Menefee-Libey 37)
However, as of today, the debate still continues, and not all scholars and psychiatrists believe that being transgender is not a mental condition.  Dr. Paul R. McHugh, who is the current Distinguished Service Professor of Psychiatry at John Hopkins Hospital, differs sharply with the APA, arguing that indeed transgenderism qualifies as a mental disorder.  He continues to explain that the condition should be treated rather than pursuing alternatives such as sex change, which according to him is biologically impossible.  McHugh emphasizes that the idea of promoting surgeries aimed at sexual reassignment among transgender people only results in more harm and promotes a mental disorder.  Jim Goad, author and publisher, makes a similar point, arguing that undergoing surgery to change a person’s sex is not the solution for transgender people.  He continues to explain that transgender people suffer a disorder of “assumption” and that this is similar to other mental disorders (“If We Can Be”).
       Society should learn to accept the transgender population as people.  Reading of books so as to understand them much better can help to change people’s views.  Language also matters most to the transgender population. Certain phrases and words should be avoided when talking to transgender people so as to not say something offensive or transphobic.  The entire community should embrace the transgender community so as to move forward in building our nation's awareness. Therefore, transgender people deserve equality, and they should not be discriminated or harassed because of their gender identity but rather the society should accept that every person is different in their unique way.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

School/Christmas Update

What's up people?  Sorry it's been ages since my last update.  Between school and the holidays I've been pretty busy.  I've been busy but not a whole lot of interesting stuff has been going on so I expect this to be a rather boring update.  

I passed my fall semester with two B's so that's pretty good.  I would have done better but I couldn't be bothered to go to class everyday.  I wrote some decent papers which I may post on here at a later date.  Three weeks into the current semester and everything is going well.  I'm taking Composition 2 which I have no concerns about; I love writing.  I am also taking algebra which I am concerned about.  I suck at maths.  However I've got 19.75 out of 20 points so far in the class and aced my first test in there so hopefully I'll do okay.  I sent my professors an email beforehand letting them know I'm autistic and trans and my preferred name.  For the most part it's been okay.  They both asked about any accommodations for my autism and there have only been two name slip-ups.  They haven't messed up my pronouns at all so that's good.  

I watched my aunts' house over the holidays and as usual spoiled their dog.  I got and gave some cool stuff for Christmas.  Some books and some tv series relating to my new special interest of Britain.  My most useless but also one of my favorite gifts was a cardboard cutout of Severus Snape.  It's awesome.  I thought for sure it would freak me out in the morning to wake up and see someone standing there but it's been fine.  I'm very upset that Alan Rickman has died.  A large portion of my Christmas money has gone to purchasing 8 new Alan Rickman movies.  I also bought this shirt: http://www.teeturtle.com/products/always which is awesome.  And like 20% of the cost went to the Cancer Research Institute.  

Great news in that I finally, after over two years of waiting, have got a date for my disability hearing.  So hopefully that'll go through and I'll get some money.

That's about it.  As I said nothing very exciting has happened lately.  I'll update again soon, promise I won't go another two months without updating.

Friday, November 27, 2015

Trans Name

I know I said a while ago that I was genderfluid but I don't really think that describes me correctly so I now identify as non-binary trans or just trans.  I present as masculine all of the time and have chosen a new guy name for myself.  I try to keep this blog as anonymous as possible so I won't be sharing my chosen name but know it shares the same initial as my birth name and I quite like it.  I've chosen a new middle name for myself as well which does not have the same initial as my birth name but I'm still working on that one and may switch it yet.  My original middle name was Marie after my grandmother and I've been looking for another M name but haven't found anything yet.  I was thinking of doing Michael which was my father and grandfathers name but I don't really like it and it feels weird because we weren't close.  Anyway I chose the middle name Oliver and from now on I will be referring to myself as such on here.

This seems like a good time to bring up my mother's confusing behavior.  So I started making changes to my appearance and hinting that I wasn't a woman 7/8 months ago and came out as trans* 5 months ago and my mother has been mostly okay with it.  I say mostly because sometimes she's on board and then other times not so much.  It just really makes me wonder what she's thinking.

6 months ago she paid for me to get a manly haircut
2 1/2 months ago she let me order a binder on her credit card until I could pay her back
Last month she made no comment when I ordered some packers and told my dad not to say anything when I made my packer STP in the kitchen
Last night she bought me more guy clothes and a men's toiletry kit
Yet last week when I asked her to call me Oliver (not name I requested) and use male pronouns she flat out refused.  And the week before she said she wished I would be a girl again.  WTF mom.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Masculine Presentation

I'm going to be talking about trans gear and trans related topics in this post.  Including binders, fake penises, and stories about standing to pee.  If you don't want to hear about any of that I suggest you skip this post.

OMG!  Where did my boobs go? 

I got my binder six weeks ago from GC2B.  I got the black half tank and it cost $37 with shipping and it took three days to arrive.  I'd heard they were hard to get into the first few times until you get the hang of it and it stretches out a bit, the first time I tried to put it on I couldn't get it on all the way and I nearly killed myself by getting it caught around my neck when I tried to take it off.  I stretched it out over a pile of books overnight and also found it easier to put it on over a t-shirt.  Now I can throw it on and off really easily and it flattens my chest quite well.  It's way more comfortable than I thought it would be as well, a bit like a hug.

I've got a cock, bro.

I have currently have three packers that I ordered online.  One by Doc Johnson, PackerGear and, Mr. Limpy.  Here's a basic run down of the packers.
Brand
Type
Bought From
Price
Notes
Doc Johnson
Lite
4 inch
Vanilla
Amazon
$14
  • Firmest of the three
  • Smells like vanilla, it’s not unpleasant but will be noticeable if someone is close to your crotch
  • Shortest overall length
  • Sits well in pants, produces a small but noticeable bulge

PackerGear
4 inch
Vanilla
Tranzwear
$9.50
  • Shortest shaft length of the three
  • Most realistic shaft
  •  I’ve not yet used this to pack as I turned it into an STP and I haven’t mastered it yet
  • Squishiest of the three

Mr. Limpy
5.5 inch
Vanilla
Tranzwear
$10.50
  • Hangs down better than the others
  • Most realistic balls
  • Creates a noticeable but not obscene bulge
  • My current favorite to pack with


STP means Stand-to-Pee

If you don't want to hear about toileting accidents I suggest you skip this part.  A while ago I wanted to learn to STP so I made one.  I used the medicine spoon method which let me say was a complete disaster.  I tried for a week and just ended up covered with piss every time, it just didn't fucking work.  It's a good idea to practice in the shower and I'm quite happy I listened to that advice.  The spoon really wasn't working and after looking around online I came across a bottle nipple type contraption with tubing.  I didn't have tubing but I did manage to attach a nipple to the medicine spoon and use it far more successfully in both the shower and at the toilet.  So successfully in fact that I decided I was ready to try without removing all of my clothing which as you can imagine ended badly because why would I expect anything different?  There was urine everywhere and my mother was all pissed off because she had just replaced the rugs in the bathroom.   

It was at that point I decided to order a proper STP tubing and packer,  I got my STP tubing and nipple apparatus already assembled from Tranzwear for $12, you could buy them individually for cheaper and assemble them yourself but I figured since I didn't know what I was doing best to leave it to them.  You could also get an already assembled STP but it was a bit more expensive and I figured how hard could it be to shove a hole in a fake dick.  So it took about 3 weeks to arrive, there is a 7-10 business day processing time.  I saw some videos on how to do it and it didn't look that hard (but of course it was).  Basically you heat up a metal poker and then shove it through the packer so you can put the tubing in.  What could possibly go wrong?  Well the first time I shoved it through it went in crooked, came out the side and I burnt the fuck out of my fingertips.  It went in straight on the next try but it took forever to get the tubing through.  You're supposed to pull the stick out, spread the packer open and run water through it so the hole doesn't seal up.  I don't know if I was doing it wrong or what but it took fucking forever.  It actually turned out pretty well though and I can pee out of it way better than my medicine spoon contraption.  Still working on mastering it, so for now I've been doing it in the shower.  


I'll be right with you, sir.
Which is what the cashier at the dollar store said to me three weeks ago as I was waiting to check out.  First time anyone ever addressed me as a male and it made me super happy.  I'm sure I was smiling like an idiot.  Then over the past week a man at the Anderson's addressed me as 'young man' and when I took my grandmother to the casino the checker almost didn't let me in because I look nothing like my ID and he didn't believe I was the same person.  I don't generally use public bathrooms but yesterday I was sent to the store by my mother and ended up touching a gross thing and needed to wash my hands.  I went to the women's bathroom because I've only been out for a while and I don't pass as a man.  So I'm washing my hands and a woman comes out of the stall.  She looked at me for a second and told me I was in the wrong bathroom and I didn't belong in there.  lol.  I guess I pass better than I think.

Links for everything mentioned
Binder: gc2b.co
Packers and STP tubing: tranzwear.com
All about STP's: http://transguys.com/features/stp
Do-it-yourself STP tutorial (not exactly how I made mine but similar): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4ut1o1rKvE
This last link is to my packers so if you don't want to see my junk I suggest you leave: http://imgur.com/a/Livdr