Letter to Annette

Here's a letter that I wrote to Annette.  It gets a little morbid at the end but that was only because I was planning on killing myself after I delivered it.

Annette,
     I'm sorry.  You were a good friend to me.  And I cared about you greatly.  It meant a lot to me that you tried to save my life.  And it meant even more that you visited me when I was in the hospital.  You were my best friend.  I'm sorry that I threatened you.  You should know that I would never hurt you.  Or anyone else for that matter except for maybe myself.  I can't believe you called the police on me.
     However, whatever your reasons were they were your own and I will not fault you for doing what you thought was right.  And I forgive you.  It was my fault not yours.  Do not blame yourself.  Be strong and continue with your life.  And to help you I'm leaving you my college fund which contains $25,000 and my Sweeney Todd movie.  I'm sorry it had to end this way.

Suspicious Moving

I moved my TV today.  I didn’t think about how suspicious I probably looked hauling a large TV out of the house at 11:30 at night until I was putting it in the car.  If anyone was watching they either recognized me or didn’t care because the police didn’t show up.  Only got my bed left to move.  I can’t wait.

Worst Time to Get Arrested

I moved my dresser today.  Only things left in my room are my bed and my TV.  It's like my room is naked.  I'm moving the bed and stuff on Monday.  I can't fucking wait.

I saw David the other day.  It was March 25th at exactly 9:46PM.  I was sitting at an intersection waiting to turn and he drove by with his wife.  At least he didn't see me.  I think Easter would be like the 8th worst time to get arrested.  I would say it maps out like:
1st - Wedding
2nd - Birth of Child
3rd - Christmas
4th -Halloween
5th - Graduation
6th- Birthday
7th - Anniversary
8th - Easter
9th - Thanksgiving
10th - Fourth of July

Moving House

I am currently in the process of moving.  The only things I have left to transport is my bed, dresser and, TV.  And my clothes.  Not looking forward to that part.  I have about ten loads of laundry to do before I can pack it up.  I fucking hate laundry.  On a positive note my godbaby turned one month old today.

Voloyda’s Craziness

I’m at the library. Voloyda is hiding in the bushes across the street taking pictures of me.  What the fuck! Even when I was following David I didn’t do that.  Some guy just came out of the building.  He’s looking at the bush.  He’s walking over to the bush.  He’s dragging Voloyda out of the bush.  Looks like he’s yelling at him.  Voloyda is pointing and waving at me.  Great.  He’s getting into his car… and he’s driving away.  What the fuck was that about.  I should change the name of the blog from ‘Stalking My Ex-Boss’ to ‘Getting Stalked By My Ex-Fiancé.’

Godson

My godbaby is going to be one month old tomorrow.  Due to an obscure Russian custom I got to name him.  His name is Darrien Howard Thomas Aksin Stalin.  I named him after my ex-boss.  The name is sort of long and I loathe the name Howard but I think it’s okay.  It sounds better than his sister’s name, Natasha Lada Anastasia Yakobova Stalin.  I know it’s Russian custom but why the fuck did she have to put the name Jacob in there.  Yakobova?  Really?  It’s not even really Russian.

Restraining Order Kitty

I'm going to have this picture printed onto a cake and have the cake delivered to David when the restraining order expires.  That would be fucking hilarious.

Letter to David

Here’s one of the letters I wrote to David.  This was the first letter I wrote him, it was written about three-and-a-half weeks ago.  It was the one I was trying to deliver by getting him to hit me with his car.  This is probably the most pleasant of the letters I’ve written him; things went a tad bit downhill after the restraining order.  It was probably for the best it didn’t get delivered.  I had my friend “Theo” read it and he said I sounded like I was completely nuts.  Though that may have been because I said I was going to kill myself after I delivered it.  Well, here’s the letter:

      I am so sorry.  For everything.  I’m sorry for my behavior.  It was inappropriate and creepy.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  It won’t happen again.  I hope I didn’t cause you any problems with your wife.  Though if you had addressed the problem sooner instead of leading me on, it would not have progressed as far as it did.  “Stacy” told you I wanted you.  You asked me if I was stalking you.  I showed up at The Store and flirted with you all the time even after you fired me.  If you weren’t interested you had dozens of opportunities to tell me.
      I am also sorry about my ex-boyfriend.  He’s a little crazy.  I hope he didn’t cause you any trouble.  I am sorry about the messages he sent you on Facebook and that he followed you to your house.  He shouldn’t be bothering you anymore as he has been arrested.
      Thank you for saving my life.  Stacy may have been the one to pull me from the road but it was what you said that stopped me from jumping in front of the next car that came by.  I am eternally grateful.  I know you don’t believe me but I did name my godson after you.  It was the highest honor I could think of to give you.  Thank you for saving me.
      Please look after Annette.  Keep her strong.  Keep her together.  Don’t let her fall apart.
      I am so sorry for everything.  I hope you can forgive me.

Coping Skills

When I was in the psychiatric hospital I was taught coping skills.  One of the skills I was taught was writing.  That writing is a good, healthy way to express your emotions.  I have always been a strong writer and this particular skill has been of great use to me.  That’s why I started this blog.  I have also been writing letters.  I have found it quite helpful in writing down the things I wish I could say to people.  I can tell them how I feel and what I’m thinking; something I was never very good at doing in person.  I have no intention of delivering the letters but it was really helpful to write them.  Maybe I’ll post some of them on here.

Meeting Voloyda

I talked with Voloyda today.  He propositioned me the entire time with his eight-year-old brothers sitting right there.  He said he would leave David alone.  I don’t believe that for a second.  Voloyda has been known to lie when it serves him.  And there’s also the fact that he’s moved into David’s apartment building.  And he said his new plan is to seduce David’s wife.  If seducing “Briar Rose” is Voloyda’s ‘new’ plan, what the hell was his old plan and did he manage to accomplish it?  It doesn’t exactly sound like he’s planning on leaving these people alone.  This concerns me.

ex's

I have way too many ex's: ex-boyfriend, ex-fiancé, ex-boss, ex-job, ex-best friend, ex-house.  My life is falling apart.

Making Plans

I’m going to meet with Voloyda tomorrow.  Try to talk some sense into him.  See if I can get him to stop following David.  The only reason Voloyda’s following him is because he thinks I’m sleeping with the man.  Voloyda’s ‘proof’ that I’m sleeping with David?  I named my godson, Voloyda’s godson and nephew, after David.  (Some sort of obscure Russian custom.)  The baby’s name is Darrien Howard Thomas Aksin Stalin.  I named the baby after David because he saved my life.  Not because I’m sleeping with the man.  Voloyda needs to fucking pull it together.  He’s starting to sound crazier than me.

Conversation with Voloyda

This is a conversation I had with Voloyda today on Facebook.  I took it down right away.

V: You were rite. He does look like Allen Rickman.
O: What? Who looks like Alan Rickman?
V: That guy. David
O: You best be fucking kidding. Leave him alone.
V: He lives rite by the Valentines theater
O: I don't care. Leave him alone. Leave me alone.
V: Your sleeping with him arnt you
O: The man has a restraining order against me. I can honestly say there is absolutely nothing going on between us.
O: Please leave the both of us alone before you do something stupid like last time.
V: That was an accident
O: It was not an accident. You don't accidentally beat someone with a bat.
V: It was an accident
O: Leave him alone
V: Whats in it for me
O: Staying out of jail?
V: How about a date
O: How about no
V: Not a date then. Just dinner
O: No
V: Coffee. We talk and i promise to stay away from him
O: In a public place. In the middle of the day. With my friend. And the twins.
V: Can we have sex
O: no
V: What about a blowjob
O: no
V: A kiss
O: no
V: A hug
O: no.
O: There will be NO physical contact. We will talk and then you will get out of my life.
O: And if you continue to harass me, I will call the police.
V: The police wont do anything
O: I'm sure they would if I told them how you tried to break into my house. And you beat up my ex with a bat. And you've been following my ex-boss. And you stole my car.
V: I didn't steal your car I borrowed it
O: At 330 in the morning? Without my permission. That's stealing.
V: I brought it back
O: I don't care. Coffee Monday at 430 at the Tim Hortons on Glendale. With the twins.
V: Hey are you wearing your slytherin jacket and like a pink hat and your at the library
O: Why?
V: Because I'm out front and I can see you
V: What r you leaving for
V: Come back
V: I love you
V: Stupid bitch

I packed up my stuff and left like right away and he tried to follow me home.  He sounds like a deranged psychopath.  I don't think Voloyda would ever physically harm me but he did attack my ex with a bat.  And I fear he may try to do something similar to David. 

The Hearing

I had my hearing.  I waived my right to fight the restraining order against David.  The restraining order will be in effect for one year.  I don’t care about that.  David can go and fuck himself.  The restraining order from Annette was dismissed.  I apologized for what happened between us and told her I would like to repair our friendship. She said she would call me when she’s ready to talk. 

Explaining

My hearing is in 12 hours.  I’m going to go and try to explain.  Maybe they’ll take my side.  I never actually threatened anyone.  And the only time I actually followed him to his house was to stop my ex from beating him up.  I hope Annette isn’t there.  I would have no problem with David there but Annette is another matter.  Let’s hope my Ativan and Prozac keep me together. 

Worrying

My hearing is on Friday.  I don’t think I’m going to go.  It doesn’t matter anymore.  I don’t care that David filed a restraining order against me.  I’m fine with that.  I need to stay away from him.  As far as I’m concerned he can go and fuck himself.  But Annette genuinely thinks I want to hurt her.  She actually thinks that I want her dead.  I could never hurt Annette.  She was my best friend.  I miss her.

David’s Old House

You can see David’s old house from the office of my therapist.  In the restraining order it states that I have to keep a block away from anywhere David may be, this includes his home, his work and, his wife. Does that mean since my therapist is within a block of his old home, which has not yet been sold, that I have to get a new therapist?

Unhelpful Ex

My hearing to fight the restraining order is the 22^nd and the only person who could help me has fled the country.  Voloyda said he would go and back me up that he was the one following David but he fled the country.  Fucking asshole.  What the hell am I going to do now? 

21st Birthday

Today is my 21st birthday.  My original plan was to invite David out for a drink with me and get him drunk.  Then take advantage of him.  Unfortunately I don't think that plan is going to work.  Oh, well.  Probably for the best.

Here's me at Olive Garden posing with my temporary restraining orders/hearing papers.

David’s View of Rape

Back when I was still working at The Store, I had a conversation with David about rape.  His response: “My mother was a nurse and I can find humor in almost any situation, like if it’s a man getting raped in prison, yeah I find that funny.”  Because when I think rape; I think hilarious.  That is not a normal response.  And it is just about the creepiest thing I have ever heard in my entire life.  So according to David, if some guy gets arrested for like wire fraud or some other non-violent crime and gets sent to prison and is raped; it would be funny.  I do not think so.  What the fuck is the matter with him?  That is totally bizarre and yet I'm the one that's weird.  The only situation in which I think rape would be funny was if the person being raped was a rapist.  They deserve it. 

Everyone Hates Me

Everyone hates me.  Annette has filed a restraining order against me and no one else at The Store will return my calls.  It would have been better if David let me be run over.  Instead he had to be a fucking hero and save my life.  I hate that man.  He should have just let me die.

Restraining Order

David has filed a restraining order against me.  He thinks I’m stalking him.  The police report states: “October has followed me home on two separate occasions. (2/28/13 and 3/11/13) As her employer, I have seen October act erratically and unpredictably on several occasions; which is what led to her termination.”  A couple months ago when I was still working at The Store, David told me that if I was stalking him, his wife would come after me with a machete.  David now believes me to be stalking him and yet, I have not been accosted by a machete wielding Filipino woman.  I’m actually kind of disappointed.  

Reaction

I wrote a poem about David.  It's called Reaction.

He stepped too close
And I panicked
And almost fell over
In my hurry
To get away
Now he looks
At me strangely
And I can't look
Him in the face

That actually happened at work one day.

Banned From the Store

I was banned from The Store because they think I followed David to his old house.  In actuality it was my crazy stalker ex-boyfriend, Voloyda, who followed David to his house.  I told my ex-best friend “Annette” who works at The Store that it was me because I didn’t want Voloyda getting arrested; which doesn’t matter anymore because he has since been arrested anyway.  Annette told David and the store manager and now I’ve been banned.  And Annette and I are no longer speaking.

Unsuccessful Plan

My plan to get David to hit me with his car was, unfortunately, unsuccessful.  Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

The Alleyway

I am currently waiting outside of David’s apartment.  He refuses to speak with me and I have been banned from The Store.  So running into him outside of work is basically the only chance I have to deliver the letter I wrote him.  My plan is to hide in the alleyway and jump out and try to get him to hit me with his car.  If he hits me he’ll have to get out and check if he killed me.  It's a win-win.  Either he hits me and I get to deliver the letter I wrote him or he hits me hard enough to kill me and I die and he would still get the letter eventually.  It’s a brilliant plan.

Following David

I tried to follow David to his house but he spotted me and proceeded to drive in a circle through a parking lot.  Twice.  I got back on the main road and David came up behind me and made a left turn down a side street and lost me.  Probably would have been more effective if I didn’t already know where he lives.  Stupid, stupid man.  I took a short cut and got to his street before him in time to fend off my ex.  The only reason I tried to follow him was because my ex-boyfriend, “Voloyda,” said he was waiting outside of David's apartment and was going to assault him.  Voloyda has done this to people before, so I believed him.  It’s a good thing I did.  When I got to David’s apartment Voloyda was waiting outside.  If David was an observant man he would have seen Voloyda and I screaming at each other on the street corner.  At least I stopped the man from getting beat down. 

Introduction

I was fired from "The Store" in mid-February.  After they fired me I went outside and tried to kill myself by getting hit by a car.  It didn't work.  I was saved by the man who had just fired me.  His name is "David Aksin."  David Howard Thomas Aksin.  I spent four days on suicide watch in the hospital.  Now that I'm out I have made it my goal to repay David for saving my life.