Sorry I didn't post this last week. I had it typed up and thought I posted it but I didn't. My bad.
I was having a rather bad day and spent most of it crying in my car in the hospital parking lot. My father and I had an argument and he said something along the lines of how I make him and mom miserable and he wished I would leave. So I left and spent the day crying in my car at the hospital. I really should have gone in but my mother says I'm not allowed as they charge so much for a stay and I could just imagine getting released and her kicking me out of the house for costing her so much money. I should probably discus that with her. I called the suicide prevention and everything, which is rather amazing in itself because I hate making phone calls. I wasn't planning on coming home for at least a few days but it was really hot yesterday and I didn't want to sleep in the car so I came home at around 5AM.
Things were kinda rough this morning but overall the day wasn't that bad. I only cried some. I would have stayed in bed all day except we had company over and mom my kind of forced me to get up. I'm glad she did, it was better than laying in bed and crying/sleeping all day. Plus I got to stab her with an Epipen. My mother is allergic to bees pretty bad. Not to the point where she almost dies but she gets this rather large rash and usually has to go to the hospital. So we're outside playing cards against humanity and she gets stung. And of course she starts freaking out. I'll point out that she's rather squeemish about things and has never injected herself with the epipen and she asked me (who has never done it either) to inject her. I get the pen, read the directions; 'pull of blue safety cap and swing into upper thigh.' Sounds easy enough. I pull off the cap and stab her in the leg. Except I didn't give her any warning and she was mad because she still had her pants on. There was nothing on the directions said you needed to take off your pants. So she's just kind of standing there in shock and goes 'what the fuck.' And I'm just like 'did I do this right? Did I get you?' 'I don't know?' Apparently I did okay if she didn't even feel it. So we're all just standing there and she goes 'I feel like there's blood running down my leg.' She takes her pants off and there is indeed a rather large amount of blood. So then I had to go and clean her pants.
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Friday, August 19, 2016
Not Quitting the Blog
If you follow me on Facebook you would have seen my post yesterday saying it would be my last post. It's (obviously) not. I was having quite a bad day yesterday, with suicidal thoughts and such but I had said in the past that I would give you people a heads up if I was going to quit the blog. I'll update you on what happened tomorrow but it's late and I don't really feel like typing it all up at the moment.
Monday, August 15, 2016
2016 Reunion/General Update
Greetings people. I really am sorry I haven't updated in so long. My depression has been kinda bad lately and I haven't really had the energy to write anything. I can't remember if I mentioned it before or not (and I really can't be bothered to look right now) but my therapist, that I was seeing for years and who I really liked, quit and I've been having some issues adjusting to the new person. She's not bad or anything, seems decent enough, but I don't really like her all that much. I missed my last appointment and haven't rescheduled so it's been like a month and a half. There have been a few incidents and I've been having some suicidal thoughts lately so I should probably make a new appointment. But it's been forever since I went and so now I'm all stressed out about calling. I don't handle phone calls well under the best of circumstances. I need to discuss changing or adding my anxiety meds when I see my psychiatrist in September.
On a more positive note I did quite well in my sociology class this summer and passed with an A. School starts back up for fall semester on Monday. I was supposed to be taking history and English Lit but my English course got cancelled, which I was quite pissed about because as an English Lit major I need like 4 Lit classes and they waited until ten days before the semester starts to cancel it so the available class options were pretty slim. I signed up for a psychology course as my replacement though and once I finish that I'll be done with all my social/behavioral credits.
We had the family reunion at the end of July. It was a lot of fun. Bonnie came but the only other relative I get along with well couldn't make it. We had my step-father's annoying family down as well to come to the reunion. Which I don't understand and didn't like because they are not part of the 'Cronwell' family. It's a family reunion, and they are not part of that family, I don't know why my mother invited them. And dad pitched a fit because he didn't want Bonnie, who admittedly is a little weird, around his precious daughter and granddaughters. Because his family came down, especially because they brought an extra person without telling us before hand, we were short 2 beds. We were already going to be short one but I had volunteered mine to Bonnie so she could stay with us and slept in my closet. I don't like people to begin with and because of my autism I don't like change or unexpected things happening so it was just really stressful for me when everyone was in the house.
Bonnie and I went to the Zoo on Friday morning as she hadn't gone since she was a kid. They updated the aquarium in 2015 and I've been to the zoo since then but there was always a huge line to go though the aquarium so I hadn't been through yet. It's pretty cool. By the time we were mostly done at the zoo my mother was calling and nagging me about when we were getting back to the house as we told her we would go and help her set up. It was only like 1:30 and we said we'd be back around 2ish so I don't know what she was complaining about but whatever. We went out and set up and spent a few hours hanging out in the pool before going back home. Because we'd gone to the zoo, the cookies I was supposed to make got pushed to kinda the last minute and we ended up baking until like 11:30 that night. Got them done though and people enjoyed them.
The reunion was great. We had it at my mother's friends "John and Michelle's." We've had it there before, I believe this was the third time though it could be the fourth, I had my graduation party there. They live a bit out in the country and have a large pool, hot tub and pond with a paddle-boat. Since I don't really like that many people and crowds stress me out, I spent most of the day swimming and taking with my aunt, grandmother, mother, Michelle, and Bonnie. There were a few games, a pinata, the white elephant. My cousin 'Bob' got stuck with this horrid unicorn plaque thing that I found at The Store for $4. It was the ugliest thing I could find. I'll see if we took a picture. It was truly awful. He said he was going to use it as a boat anchor.
The first week of August was spent watching my aunts' house as they went on holiday to Florida. Eight whole days of hanging out with Titus and being away from my father. It was nice. (Plus I got paid $100 of which half went into my Christmas fund and the other half, because I'm terrible at managing money, was spent on buying a bunch of video games off of eBay.) The first four days were spent studying (and by studying I mean mostly playing Skyrim and reading books with only a minimal amount of time spent actually studying) for my final exam in sociology but after that it was quite relaxing. I love hanging out with Titus, almost as much as I loved Nicky. Only thing I don't really like about him is that he snores like a fucking hippo and as soon as you make even the slightest movement like you're getting up in the morning, even if you're still asleep, he gets super hyper and starts racing around the room and jumping on you. Can't say how many times I've been woken up by his feet jabbing into my kidneys. Other than that though he's great, a big baby.
On a more positive note I did quite well in my sociology class this summer and passed with an A. School starts back up for fall semester on Monday. I was supposed to be taking history and English Lit but my English course got cancelled, which I was quite pissed about because as an English Lit major I need like 4 Lit classes and they waited until ten days before the semester starts to cancel it so the available class options were pretty slim. I signed up for a psychology course as my replacement though and once I finish that I'll be done with all my social/behavioral credits.
We had the family reunion at the end of July. It was a lot of fun. Bonnie came but the only other relative I get along with well couldn't make it. We had my step-father's annoying family down as well to come to the reunion. Which I don't understand and didn't like because they are not part of the 'Cronwell' family. It's a family reunion, and they are not part of that family, I don't know why my mother invited them. And dad pitched a fit because he didn't want Bonnie, who admittedly is a little weird, around his precious daughter and granddaughters. Because his family came down, especially because they brought an extra person without telling us before hand, we were short 2 beds. We were already going to be short one but I had volunteered mine to Bonnie so she could stay with us and slept in my closet. I don't like people to begin with and because of my autism I don't like change or unexpected things happening so it was just really stressful for me when everyone was in the house.
Bonnie and I went to the Zoo on Friday morning as she hadn't gone since she was a kid. They updated the aquarium in 2015 and I've been to the zoo since then but there was always a huge line to go though the aquarium so I hadn't been through yet. It's pretty cool. By the time we were mostly done at the zoo my mother was calling and nagging me about when we were getting back to the house as we told her we would go and help her set up. It was only like 1:30 and we said we'd be back around 2ish so I don't know what she was complaining about but whatever. We went out and set up and spent a few hours hanging out in the pool before going back home. Because we'd gone to the zoo, the cookies I was supposed to make got pushed to kinda the last minute and we ended up baking until like 11:30 that night. Got them done though and people enjoyed them.
The reunion was great. We had it at my mother's friends "John and Michelle's." We've had it there before, I believe this was the third time though it could be the fourth, I had my graduation party there. They live a bit out in the country and have a large pool, hot tub and pond with a paddle-boat. Since I don't really like that many people and crowds stress me out, I spent most of the day swimming and taking with my aunt, grandmother, mother, Michelle, and Bonnie. There were a few games, a pinata, the white elephant. My cousin 'Bob' got stuck with this horrid unicorn plaque thing that I found at The Store for $4. It was the ugliest thing I could find. I'll see if we took a picture. It was truly awful. He said he was going to use it as a boat anchor.
The first week of August was spent watching my aunts' house as they went on holiday to Florida. Eight whole days of hanging out with Titus and being away from my father. It was nice. (Plus I got paid $100 of which half went into my Christmas fund and the other half, because I'm terrible at managing money, was spent on buying a bunch of video games off of eBay.) The first four days were spent studying (and by studying I mean mostly playing Skyrim and reading books with only a minimal amount of time spent actually studying) for my final exam in sociology but after that it was quite relaxing. I love hanging out with Titus, almost as much as I loved Nicky. Only thing I don't really like about him is that he snores like a fucking hippo and as soon as you make even the slightest movement like you're getting up in the morning, even if you're still asleep, he gets super hyper and starts racing around the room and jumping on you. Can't say how many times I've been woken up by his feet jabbing into my kidneys. Other than that though he's great, a big baby.
That's pretty much all that I've been doing. I bought a new computer as my old one was purchased in 2011 and I really think it was about to fall apart. My hermit crabs are doing well. I've got a new one I named Merlin. I wanted to get three more and name them Porthos, Athos and, Aramis but I went to four different shops and they either had giant ones or none at all and the last place had one and it was the right size so Merlin became a part of the colony. I may still get three more and name them after the musketeers. I'll try to update withing the next couple of weeks.
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