Showing posts with label Annette. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Annette. Show all posts
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Likely Discovery of Blog Part 2
Silas read my post from earlier and said it sounded as if I was being threatened or I was afraid. That was not my intention. I am not afraid of Voloyda and I do not particularly care if he finds the blog. But should Voloyda find it, I am concerned of what might happen. Not from him, I do not believe he would do anything, but from people he may tell. Once Voloyda finds something out it does not remain a secret for very long. Word gets around and I am apprehensive of what might happen should it be discovered by certain people; namely Annette or god-forbid David. My blog is not illegal. Suspicious and ill-advised, yes. But not illegal. And while it is not illegal, it would be safe to say that Annette and David could make things difficult for me if they wished to. Maybe even going so far as to file another restraining order. Should they decide on that course of action, I would fight it and I would win. They have no grounds on which to file against me. Even though I would win, it seems like an unnecessary hassle. And I would just as much avoid the situation altogether.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Annette Part 2/Alan Rickman's Birthday
So confused. Annette sent me a friend request on Facebook yesterday. I friended her and then today she unfriended me. Again. Why send the request in the first place if you're going to block me again less than a day later? I don't get why she sent the request in the first place. What a waste of time. Totally bizarre.
Tomorrow is Alan Rickman's birthday. He'll be 68 years old. As always I shall be having an Alan Rickman-a-Thon in honor of his birthday. Probably going to watch:
Tomorrow is Alan Rickman's birthday. He'll be 68 years old. As always I shall be having an Alan Rickman-a-Thon in honor of his birthday. Probably going to watch:
- Sweeney Todd
- Die Hard
- Galaxy Quest
- Sense and Sensibility
- Love Actually
- Dogma
- Robin Hood
- Bottle Shock
- Blow Dry
Annette
Days until restraining order is lifted: 30
Last night, after nearly a year of no contact, Annette sent me a friend request on Facebook. I have no explanation as to why other than that perhaps she saw my Anniversary post from the other day. I am quite honestly shocked. I had come to expect that I would never hear from her again. I know things will never be the way they were before and I don't expect them to. Nor do I want them to. The way they were before was not good for me. Annette is no longer a friend but an acquaintance. I know that some people, namely David, will not or cannot forgive me for the things that I (supposedly) did and I'm okay with that.
I had this conversation with Voloyda:
V: I see that you and Annette are friends again.
O: Yes.
V: Kind of strange for her to reach out to you after not talking to you for nearly a year.
O: I thought the same thing.
V: Probably saw your post from the other day.
O: That was the conclusion I came to as well.
V: Well good luck. Hope everything works out for you.
V: Now you only have to convince David that you're not crazy.
O: Easier said than done. And it doesn't really matter anyway. It's not like I'll ever see him again.
V: Still but I would guess that you want him to forgive you.
O: I wish he would. But I understand that he may not be able to. And I do not hold it against him. I really don't care either way.
V: You know you care what he thinks.
O: I care in the sense that the way he views me is not who I am. If that makes any sense.
V: I get it. He doesn't really know you other than how you behaved at work. Which is a skewed sample. He knows how you reacted to things at The Store but it's not a valid interpretation of who you are. You were under a lot of stress and your behavior reflected that. People react to stress in different ways. Your behavior was erratic and unpredictable. He was scared of what you might do; that you would hurt or kill him.
O: When he filed the restraining order I do not think he did it out of fear but more out of a desire for me to leave him alone.
V: Which would make sense if you were the one who was following him.
V: You most likely would have won if you had fought the restraining order. And you definitely would have won if you had told them it was me and not you.
O: Doesn't really matter anymore. It expires in a month. And it didn't really affect my life much. It really only prevented me from getting a gun. Which to be honest was probably for the best.
V: Yeah. Probably a good thing.
V: I hear you want to go to a Rocky Horror shadow-cast. There's one up in Flint next month. We could go.
O: I would totally go with you but I don't think Silas would like it.
V: You could bring him too.
V: Or I could get a group together. Sanctuary said she would go. And I'm sure Snow and Lucifer would go as well.
O: Maybe if you hadn't threatened to stab him he might have considered it but I don't think so.
V: We can go as a group then. It'll be fun.
O: Why are you being so nice? Usually you're cursing at me and demanding I go out with you. What's your angle this time?
V: You're in a committed relationship and you're not going to go out with me. I'd rather have you as a friend than not at all.
O: I'll ask Silas if he wants to go.
V: My mistake, the shadow-cast is in Wayne not Flint. The Flint one is tomorrow.
Last night, after nearly a year of no contact, Annette sent me a friend request on Facebook. I have no explanation as to why other than that perhaps she saw my Anniversary post from the other day. I am quite honestly shocked. I had come to expect that I would never hear from her again. I know things will never be the way they were before and I don't expect them to. Nor do I want them to. The way they were before was not good for me. Annette is no longer a friend but an acquaintance. I know that some people, namely David, will not or cannot forgive me for the things that I (supposedly) did and I'm okay with that.
I had this conversation with Voloyda:
V: I see that you and Annette are friends again.
O: Yes.
V: Kind of strange for her to reach out to you after not talking to you for nearly a year.
O: I thought the same thing.
V: Probably saw your post from the other day.
O: That was the conclusion I came to as well.
V: Well good luck. Hope everything works out for you.
V: Now you only have to convince David that you're not crazy.
O: Easier said than done. And it doesn't really matter anyway. It's not like I'll ever see him again.
V: Still but I would guess that you want him to forgive you.
O: I wish he would. But I understand that he may not be able to. And I do not hold it against him. I really don't care either way.
V: You know you care what he thinks.
O: I care in the sense that the way he views me is not who I am. If that makes any sense.
V: I get it. He doesn't really know you other than how you behaved at work. Which is a skewed sample. He knows how you reacted to things at The Store but it's not a valid interpretation of who you are. You were under a lot of stress and your behavior reflected that. People react to stress in different ways. Your behavior was erratic and unpredictable. He was scared of what you might do; that you would hurt or kill him.
O: When he filed the restraining order I do not think he did it out of fear but more out of a desire for me to leave him alone.
V: Which would make sense if you were the one who was following him.
V: You most likely would have won if you had fought the restraining order. And you definitely would have won if you had told them it was me and not you.
O: Doesn't really matter anymore. It expires in a month. And it didn't really affect my life much. It really only prevented me from getting a gun. Which to be honest was probably for the best.
V: Yeah. Probably a good thing.
V: I hear you want to go to a Rocky Horror shadow-cast. There's one up in Flint next month. We could go.
O: I would totally go with you but I don't think Silas would like it.
V: You could bring him too.
V: Or I could get a group together. Sanctuary said she would go. And I'm sure Snow and Lucifer would go as well.
O: Maybe if you hadn't threatened to stab him he might have considered it but I don't think so.
V: We can go as a group then. It'll be fun.
O: Why are you being so nice? Usually you're cursing at me and demanding I go out with you. What's your angle this time?
V: You're in a committed relationship and you're not going to go out with me. I'd rather have you as a friend than not at all.
O: I'll ask Silas if he wants to go.
V: My mistake, the shadow-cast is in Wayne not Flint. The Flint one is tomorrow.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Anniversary
Days until restraining order is lifted: 33
Today marks the one year anniversary of my termination from The Store and my subsequent suicide attempt. It marks the anniversary of the day that my life fell apart. I enjoyed working at The Store and I miss it sometimes, but I've come to the conclusion that getting fired may have been the best thing for me. It allowed me to get the help that I so desperately needed. And without the constant pressure and stress that I was under when I was working there my health, both mental and physical, have greatly improved. Since I was fired my anxiety and panic attacks have been greatly reduced. And my fainting spells have almost completely disappeared. When I was working at The Store I usually fainted at least once a week, but since my termination a year ago I have fainted only twice. And both were in times of great stress.
I do not regret my being fired, nor do I regret attempting suicide. But what I do regret is the stress and panic and sadness that I caused my family and friends during that time. I am sorry for the pain I caused them and would like to thank them again for sticking by me in my time of need. Especially my sister Andie who visited me in the hospital every day and, my friends Theo, Annette and, Minerva. And David for saving my life. They helped me through the most difficult time in my life and for that I am forever grateful.
Today marks the one year anniversary of my termination from The Store and my subsequent suicide attempt. It marks the anniversary of the day that my life fell apart. I enjoyed working at The Store and I miss it sometimes, but I've come to the conclusion that getting fired may have been the best thing for me. It allowed me to get the help that I so desperately needed. And without the constant pressure and stress that I was under when I was working there my health, both mental and physical, have greatly improved. Since I was fired my anxiety and panic attacks have been greatly reduced. And my fainting spells have almost completely disappeared. When I was working at The Store I usually fainted at least once a week, but since my termination a year ago I have fainted only twice. And both were in times of great stress.
I do not regret my being fired, nor do I regret attempting suicide. But what I do regret is the stress and panic and sadness that I caused my family and friends during that time. I am sorry for the pain I caused them and would like to thank them again for sticking by me in my time of need. Especially my sister Andie who visited me in the hospital every day and, my friends Theo, Annette and, Minerva. And David for saving my life. They helped me through the most difficult time in my life and for that I am forever grateful.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
When I Was Fired Part 1
Days until restraining order is lifted: 42
On the day I was fired I was on my way to The Store when my mother called me and told me that my aunt had died. So by the time I got to work I was rather upset. Though I don't know why I reacted the way I did. I didn't really know her like at all. I guess that is what some people would call 'the straw that broke the camel's back.' I was already on a downward spiral and this was the breaking point. I got to work and I was talking to Stacy. I cursed about something and she left. A few minutes later she came back and told me I had to go up to the office. Stacy followed me up there. She told me that someone had complained about my cursing. David was sitting at one of the desks and told me to sit down. I asked if I was being fired. He told me I was. I could feel a panic attack coming on. My heartbeat was rapidly increasing and it was becoming difficult to breathe. And then a great calm came over me. Like everything would be okay. My heartbeat and breathing returned to normal. (This is apparently what a psychotic break feels like. So if you end up feeling like this it's probably not a good sign.) David was talking; I don't really remember what he said. I said okay, stood up and calmly walked out of the office to my car. I wrote a note to my mother, went inside, gave it to Annette and asked her to make sure my mother got it. I went back outside, walked out to the road and while standing in the median I called my mother. I told her I loved her and that I was sorry. I hung up and sort of just paced in the median for a minute or so and then Stacy and David came outside.
On the day I was fired I was on my way to The Store when my mother called me and told me that my aunt had died. So by the time I got to work I was rather upset. Though I don't know why I reacted the way I did. I didn't really know her like at all. I guess that is what some people would call 'the straw that broke the camel's back.' I was already on a downward spiral and this was the breaking point. I got to work and I was talking to Stacy. I cursed about something and she left. A few minutes later she came back and told me I had to go up to the office. Stacy followed me up there. She told me that someone had complained about my cursing. David was sitting at one of the desks and told me to sit down. I asked if I was being fired. He told me I was. I could feel a panic attack coming on. My heartbeat was rapidly increasing and it was becoming difficult to breathe. And then a great calm came over me. Like everything would be okay. My heartbeat and breathing returned to normal. (This is apparently what a psychotic break feels like. So if you end up feeling like this it's probably not a good sign.) David was talking; I don't really remember what he said. I said okay, stood up and calmly walked out of the office to my car. I wrote a note to my mother, went inside, gave it to Annette and asked her to make sure my mother got it. I went back outside, walked out to the road and while standing in the median I called my mother. I told her I loved her and that I was sorry. I hung up and sort of just paced in the median for a minute or so and then Stacy and David came outside.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Before I Was Fired
Days until restraining order is lifted: 49
My restraining order is almost over, just over a month and a half to go. It has me thinking about everything that happened at The Store. I am so sorry about everything that happened. It wasn't my intention for things to go down the way they did. What happened with David, I made the man fear for his life. That should never happen. No one should have to go through that. And Annette and Minerva. It shouldn't have happened.
I've decided to do a weekly update from now until the restraining order is lifted. Every Saturday until the 22nd of March I will do a 'flashback' post about my termination from The Store and everything that happened up until the restraining order was put in effect.
A couple of weeks before I was fired, Annette tried to get me to check myself into a hospital. We went out so I could get some new piercings and I told her that I found the urn I wanted my ashes to be placed in. It freaked her out a little and she called Minerva. Minerva showed up and it pissed me off. We weren't speaking at the time and it upset me that Annette had called her. After I got my piercings we went out to dinner about a mile from The Store and Minerva started yelling at me and I got up and left. I walked back to my car at The Store and drove home. Annette kept calling me, asking me to come back. She even offered to come over to my house and pick me up. I told her no. That if I really needed help I would call her and that I was thinking about taking a leave of absence in April to check myself in and try to pull myself together. Minerva and I made up a few days later and everything went back to normal. At least until I was fired.
My restraining order is almost over, just over a month and a half to go. It has me thinking about everything that happened at The Store. I am so sorry about everything that happened. It wasn't my intention for things to go down the way they did. What happened with David, I made the man fear for his life. That should never happen. No one should have to go through that. And Annette and Minerva. It shouldn't have happened.
I've decided to do a weekly update from now until the restraining order is lifted. Every Saturday until the 22nd of March I will do a 'flashback' post about my termination from The Store and everything that happened up until the restraining order was put in effect.
A couple of weeks before I was fired, Annette tried to get me to check myself into a hospital. We went out so I could get some new piercings and I told her that I found the urn I wanted my ashes to be placed in. It freaked her out a little and she called Minerva. Minerva showed up and it pissed me off. We weren't speaking at the time and it upset me that Annette had called her. After I got my piercings we went out to dinner about a mile from The Store and Minerva started yelling at me and I got up and left. I walked back to my car at The Store and drove home. Annette kept calling me, asking me to come back. She even offered to come over to my house and pick me up. I told her no. That if I really needed help I would call her and that I was thinking about taking a leave of absence in April to check myself in and try to pull myself together. Minerva and I made up a few days later and everything went back to normal. At least until I was fired.
 |
| This is the urn I said I wanted. |
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Things I Would Say to Annette
Days until restraining order is lifted: 252
Things I would say to Annette:
· I’m sorry.
· If I die I’m leaving you my college fund which contains $25,000 and my Sweeney Todd movie.
· If I ever have a daughter I still plan on naming her Bellatrix Sophia Annette.
· I wish we could be friends again.
· Thank you for visiting me when I was in the hospital.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Conversation with Voloyda 12
Days until restraining order is lifted: 262
So Voloyda was bothering me on Facebook in his usual manner. We had this lovely conversation:
V: You know that lady you worked with?
O: No. And I don’t wish to.
V: Please it’s important.
O: Fine. What?
V: Who’s that lady you worked with?
O: I worked with many ladies. You’ll have to be a bit more specific.
V: The one that you know has the hair.
O: You are the most non-descriptive person I’ve ever met.
V: Please it’s important.
O: Fine. What?
V: Who’s that lady you worked with?
O: I worked with many ladies. You’ll have to be a bit more specific.
V: The one that you know has the hair.
O: You are the most non-descriptive person I’ve ever met.
V: Come on.
O: Minerva?
V: No
O: Victoria?
V: No
O: Stacy?
V: No
O: Victoria?
V: No
O: Stacy?
V: No
O: Annette?
V: Yes Annette!
O: What about Annette?
V: I totally know where she lives
O: This conversation is over. Do not incriminate yourself any further. If the police question me I will turn you in.
V: No it’s totally valid. I looked it up online.
O: I suppose that makes it slightly less creepy.
V: Yes Annette!
O: What about Annette?
V: I totally know where she lives
O: This conversation is over. Do not incriminate yourself any further. If the police question me I will turn you in.
V: No it’s totally valid. I looked it up online.
O: I suppose that makes it slightly less creepy.
O: You know talking to you cheers me up almost every time.
V: Why?
O: Because for once I know I’m not the craziest person around.
V: Bitch
I never really hear other people use the word valid in that tense. Maybe I’m not as odd as I thought. Then again it is Voloyda and everyone knows he’s nuttier than a squirrel. Oh well.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Missing The Store Part 2
Days until restraining order is lifted: 309
It has been three months since I was fired from The Store. I loved working at The Store. I miss it. I miss Annette and Minerva.
It has been three months since I was fired from The Store. I loved working at The Store. I miss it. I miss Annette and Minerva.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Missing The Store
Days until restraining order is lifted: 328
It has been two months since I was banned from The Store. I miss it. Well maybe not The Store so much as Annette and Minerva. I haven’t spoken to either of them for a month and a half. Dammit Voloyda. Why the fuck did you follow David to his house. And more importantly why did I say it was me. I’m not going to protect him any longer. If I see him following me again I will call the police.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Ryker’s Birthday
Days until restraining order is lifted: 354
Today was my cousin “Ryker’s” birthday. He turned fourteen. Lucky him. I don’t think I’m going to make it to my next birthday. My life is sort of sucky right now. Maybe it will get better. I’ll just have to wait and see. Annette is still not speaking to me. One of my other good friends from The Store, “Minerva,” won’t return any of my calls. Today was not a good day.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Letter to Annette
Here's a letter that I wrote to Annette. It gets a little morbid at the end but that was only because I was planning on killing myself after I delivered it.
Annette,
I'm sorry. You were a good friend to me. And I cared about you greatly. It meant a lot to me that you tried to save my life. And it meant even more that you visited me when I was in the hospital. You were my best friend. I'm sorry that I threatened you. You should know that I would never hurt you. Or anyone else for that matter except for maybe myself. I can't believe you called the police on me.
However, whatever your reasons were they were your own and I will not fault you for doing what you thought was right. And I forgive you. It was my fault not yours. Do not blame yourself. Be strong and continue with your life. And to help you I'm leaving you my college fund which contains $25,000 and my Sweeney Todd movie. I'm sorry it had to end this way.
Annette,
I'm sorry. You were a good friend to me. And I cared about you greatly. It meant a lot to me that you tried to save my life. And it meant even more that you visited me when I was in the hospital. You were my best friend. I'm sorry that I threatened you. You should know that I would never hurt you. Or anyone else for that matter except for maybe myself. I can't believe you called the police on me.
However, whatever your reasons were they were your own and I will not fault you for doing what you thought was right. And I forgive you. It was my fault not yours. Do not blame yourself. Be strong and continue with your life. And to help you I'm leaving you my college fund which contains $25,000 and my Sweeney Todd movie. I'm sorry it had to end this way.
Friday, March 22, 2013
The Hearing
I had my hearing. I waived my right to fight the restraining order against David. The restraining order will be in effect for one year. I don’t care about that. David can go and fuck himself. The restraining order from Annette was dismissed. I apologized for what happened between us and told her I would like to repair our friendship. She said she would call me when she’s ready to talk.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Explaining
My hearing is in 12 hours. I’m going to go and try to explain. Maybe they’ll take my side. I never actually threatened anyone. And the only time I actually followed him to his house was to stop my ex from beating him up. I hope Annette isn’t there. I would have no problem with David there but Annette is another matter. Let’s hope my Ativan and Prozac keep me together.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Worrying
My hearing is on Friday. I don’t think I’m going to go. It doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t care that David filed a restraining order against me. I’m fine with that. I need to stay away from him. As far as I’m concerned he can go and fuck himself. But Annette genuinely thinks I want to hurt her. She actually thinks that I want her dead. I could never hurt Annette. She was my best friend. I miss her.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Everyone Hates Me
Everyone hates me. Annette has filed a restraining order against me and no one else at The Store will return my calls. It would have been better if David let me be run over. Instead he had to be a fucking hero and save my life. I hate that man. He should have just let me die.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Banned From the Store
I was banned from The Store because they think I followed David to his old house. In actuality it was my crazy stalker ex-boyfriend, Voloyda, who followed David to his house. I told my ex-best friend “Annette” who works at The Store that it was me because I didn’t want Voloyda getting arrested; which doesn’t matter anymore because he has since been arrested anyway. Annette told David and the store manager and now I’ve been banned. And Annette and I are no longer speaking.
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