Not a Very Good Week

This week has so far been rather bad.  I've been involved in a car accident, had a complete meltdown over Silas, almost been forcibly committed into the psychiatric hospital by my therapist and, been told by my mother to get out of the house.

So on Monday when I was heading over to see Silas, there was a wicked storm going on and all the traffic lights were out.  It was totally awesome; I love thunderstorms.  So the traffic lights came back on just before I crossed the bridge.  I get to the other side and get stopped by the light and BOOM.  The lady behind me smashed right into me and I in turn hit the person in front of me.  My front bumper was totally fine as was the car in front of me but my back bumper is like fucked up.  And the car of the person who hit me was trashed.  Her hood was folded in like an accordion.  It looked bad.  No one was injured though so the police didn't come.  It didn't set in right away but I have a wicked case of Whiplash.  My neck fucking hurts.  I can't turn it to the right at all.  Oh well, I'm not overly concerned about it.  It'll heal up.

So I finally meet up with Silas and went out to eat, played Frisbee, went to his house, watched Netflix, went to my house, made some cookies, I had a meltdown.  He did something and then I got upset and then he got upset and I started crying and then he started crying.  And I got mad that he was crying.  And then we stopped crying and watched Mulan and he went home.  So that happened.

Tuesday I had therapy and my therapist said I seemed 'off' and kept asking me if I was suicidal.  I sort of am but not enough to actually kill myself or anything.  There's a difference between wanting to die and not wanting to live.  So then she called my mother and told her to keep an eye on me and make sure I didn't kill myself.

So then yesterday my mother responded to my therapist's advice to watch me by telling me I need to get out of the house.  So last night I left.

Overall not a very good week.  I just don't feel like dealing with this shit anymore.

Conversation with Voloyda 25/Mother

V: You should go to David's softball game and talk to him.
O: No I shouldn't.
V: Just go and ask him out.
O: That is such a bad idea.
V: You won't know unless you ask him.
O: Yes I do know.  It wouldn't work out.
V: You don't know that.
O: Even if I did ask him out, he wouldn't say yes.  And if he did it wouldn't work out anyway so why bother?
V: You won't know it you don't try.
O: I do know.  Let's list all the reasons David and I wouldn't work out, shall we?

1. He had a restraining order against me
2. He hates me
3. He thinks that I want to kill him
4. He's married
5. His children are older than I am
6. He's 33 years older than me
7. He's catholic
8. He's on his third marriage
9. He's my former boss
10. He fired me
11. He smokes
12. I'm crazy
13. We have nothing in common
14. My family would freak out
15. His family would probably freak out as well
16. I want to have children someday
17. He'll probably be dead in 20 years

V: And despite all that you would still go out with him.
O: What can I say?  There's something wrong with me.
V: But you don't actually need to have an ongoing relationship with him.  You guys could just like... friends with benefits?  That's basically what you want from him anyway.
O: That's kind of offensive and in order to have a friends-with-benefits relationship you kind of have to be friends.  And we're not.  And never will be.  I've accepted this.  Why can't you?
V: Because it's my fault that you don't have a chance with him.  If I hadn't involved myself in your business you could have hooked-up already.
O: No, we couldn't have.  He's married and seems devoted to his wife.
V: You mean the wife that he's left on at least two separate occasions?  That wife?  He's not that devoted.  You could be the catalyst for time number three.
O: It's possible but very improbable that that would have happened.  And what makes you think I would want to be the reason for someone leaving their wife?  Besides if you forced someone to break up their family they would hate you in the long run.
V: Who said anything about the long run?  You hook up with him now and you'll have 15 years before he kicks the bucket.
O: I am 22-years-old; 15 years is two-thirds of my life.  I can't imagine doing anything for 15 years.  How is 15 years not long term?
V: Because if you hook up with him now and he dies in 15 years you'll only be 37.  That's plenty of time to start over.
O: That's actually a pretty good point.  But no thanks.

Voloyda is driving me mad; nagging me to go after David.  He keeps badgering me to go to David's softball game but as of yet hasn't told me where it is.  He appears to be listening to me for once in his life.  Let's see if he keeps it up.

My mother was released from hospital today.  She was in there since Thursday and was finally released today.  She's going to be out of work until the end of the month though.  I'm so happy she's out; both because it sucks being stuck in hospital and I'm glad she's okay and because without her here to keep the peace my stepfather and I were at each other's throats about to kill each other.

Crazy Religious Guy

My grandmother lives by herself and is legally blind so I help her out with stuff and am usually the one that gets her groceries every week.  So yesterday I was at the supermarket getting her groceries and I was waiting in line to check out.  There were quite a few people in front of me and it was going to take a while so I pulled out the book I’m reading, which just so happens to be The Satanic Bible.  (As you know I’m an atheist so I don’t believe in any religious stuff.  I’m also reading the Bible and Qur’an.)  I swear I’m like a magnet for crazy people.  I’m just standing in line quietly reading my book and the guy behind me lost his mind.  I mean he went off.  He started screaming at me about how inappropriate it was for me to have that book out in public and that I was disrespecting him and his children.  His three children were right there and it looked like the oldest was maybe 5 years old.  I’d hazard that they wouldn’t know how to read and even if they did all they’d be able to see was the cover and would they even know what it meant?
 

So this guy is going off, his kids look scared, everyone else in line is looking at us.  I was like ‘Sir, could you stop screaming at me?  I don’t worship Satan, I’m an atheist.  I’m just reading this for fun.  I’m not doing anything to you and you’re causing a scene.’  And now he’s ranting about God and how I’m going to burn in hell and I need to repent of my sinful ways.  By this time I’m getting a little nervous, this guy is a lot bigger than me and he’s freaking out, it wouldn’t be the first time I was assaulted by some religious nut.  I asked him again to stop yelling and stated that his children appeared scared.  And he continued screaming at me.  By this point I had reached the register and was being rung out and the cashier had paged security.  The security guy showed up and was trying to get the crazy guy to leave and he’s still going off demanding to speak to a manager.  So then the manager shows up and the guy demands that they force me to leave.  The entire time this has been going on I’ve just been standing there not saying anything.  Then the guy lunged forward like he was going to grab me and I freaked out a little.  I don’t like being touched.

I was like ‘Sir please back up.’  And he said something like ‘What are you going to do if I don’t?’  This guy was really pissing me off at this point; he was being verbally abusive, trying to physically intimidate me.  I had had it.  I told him that if he didn’t get away from me I would call onto the devil to curse him.  He wouldn’t move.  This part is exact because I read it directly from the book. 

“In the name of Satan, the Ruler of the earth, the King of the world, I command the forces of Darkness to bestow their Infernal power upon me!  Open wide the gates of Hell and come forth from the abyss to greet me as your sister and friend!  Grant me the indulgences of which I speak!  I have taken thy name as part of myself!  I live as the beasts of the field, rejoicing in the fleshly life!  I favor the just and curse the rotten!  By all the Gods of the Pit, I command that these things of which I speak come to pass!  Come forth and answer to your names by manifesting my desires!” 

“Behold!  The mighty voices of my vengeance smash the stillness of the air and stand as monoliths of wrath upon a plain of writhing serpents.  I am become as a monstrous machine of annihilation to the festering fragments of the body of he who would detain me.  It repenteth me not that my summons doth ride upon the blasting winds which multiply the sting of my bitterness; and great black slimy shapes shall rise from brackish pits and vomit forth their pustulence into his puny brain.  I call upon the messengers of doom to slash with grim delight this victim I hath chosen.  Silent is that voiceless bird that feeds upon the brain-pulp of him who hath tormented me, and the agony of the is to be shall sustain itself in shrieks of pain, only to serve as signals of warning to those who would resent my being.  Oh come forth in the name of Abaddon and destroy him whose name I giveth as a sign.  Oh great brothers of the night, thou who makest my place of comfort, who rideth out upon the hot winds of Hell, who dwelleth in the devil's fane; Move and appear! Present yourselves to him who sustaineth the rottenness of the mind that moves the gibbering mouth that mocks the just and strong!; rend that gaggling tongue and close his throat, Oh Kali!  Pierce his lungs with the stings of scorpions, Oh Sekhmet!  Plunge his substance into the dismal void, Oh mighty Dagon!  I thrust aloft the bifid barb of Hell and on its tines resplendently impaled my sacrifice through vengeance rests!  Shemhamforash!  Hail Satan!”

The guy’s eyes got really big and he turned super red and jumped back like I had stabbed him with a hot poker.  And then he muttered some stuff, screamed that he had to go to church and ran away and left.  Without his children.  What kind of person just abandons their three young children at the supermarket?  Some people shouldn’t be allowed to have kids.  And then this old lady who had seen the whole thing came up and gave me a prayer card and said that all Christians aren’t like that and she hoped I didn’t take it seriously.  I told her it was cool and that I know most Christians are good people and not complete nut-jobs.  Old people are so sweet.

I know ‘cursing’ someone isn’t going to help the situation any but this guy pissed me off.  I can only take so much.  You can yell at me all you want but don’t come into my personal space.  I draw the line when you start invading my personal space looking like you’re going to strike me.  Religion aside, if I was reading a book, could be any book, that you didn’t want your children to see, maybe ask politely for me to put it away instead of screaming at me for disrespecting you?  If you’re so worried about the well-being of your children maybe don’t start an argument that leads to you abandoning your children at a supermarket requiring that they be placed in children’s protective services?  It’s common sense people.

And because I know you’ll ask, yes this did happen at Walmart and no it was not at the same Walmart that I got called a 'devil person.'

Wisdom Teeth Removal

I got all of my wisdom teeth out this morning.  I was super nervous because everyone said it hurt like a bitch and that I would be totally out of it for the day.  It's not actually all that bad.  My mouth hurts a little bit but it's not nearly as bad as I thought it'd be.  And everyone said I'd be all loopy and stuff coming out of the anesthesia, I was totally fine.  I was more worried about putting my piercing back in than anything else.  They made me take them out, the fascists.  And the doctors wouldn't let me put them back in while I was still there so I was trying to put them back in in the car.  Try putting a tongue ring and two labret piercings (angel bites) back in looking in the tiny visor mirror while traveling down the motorway at 60 miles an hour with a mouthful of gauze when you can't feel your face and your arms aren't cooperating.  Must have been a sight; my dad was looking at me like I was mad.  I did get them back in though.  I think was worst part of the whole thing was either the doctor manhandling my arm trying to find a vein, pricked me twice, the bastard or the fucking awful taste in my mouth after I fell asleep with the bloody gauze in there, it was fucking gross.

Conversation with Voloyda 24

V: OMG!  Guess what I found out!
O: What?
V: David plays on a senior softball team.
O: So.
V: I thought you'd find it interesting.
O: Maybe if I was a 55-year-old man who liked baseball I might find that interesting but alas I am not 55-years-old, a man, nor am I interested in baseball.
V: But it's David.
O: Yes and I need to stay away from him.
V: But you like him.
O: All the more reason for me to stay away.
V: You should go and try to talk to him.
O: No I shouldn't.  It's not all about me.  Does he not get any say in it?  He doesn't want to be around me and I'm not going to force myself on him.  Please don't tell me anything about his softball team.  I really don't want to know.
V: As you wish.  But I still think you should go and talk to him.

I really hope that Voloyda listens to me for once and doesn't tell me where David plays softball.  I like David and I need to stay away from him and if I know where he is, I don't know if I'll be able to.  It's better for everyone involved if I don't know.