Start of School

I decided to go back to school.  I’m taking 2 classes as opposed to the four I originally signed up for.  Last week was the first week of school and everything went okay.  I’m taking sign language and philosophy.  Philosophy seems like it will be okay but I’m slightly worried about sign language.  The professor says you have to be able to both read and show facial expressions and body language and I’m not good at that at all.  We’ll see how it goes; if I really have a hard time with it, I can drop it and take a different language course next semester.  I did get a little nervous in class on Wednesday and started chewing on a pen which I ended up biting through.  It wasn’t very pleasant so I ordered some chewy necklaces online for me to gnaw on as opposed to pens, pencils, or my fingers.

My anxiety has been a bit out of control lately so I decided to put together an anti-anxiety/distraction box to keep in my car to help me if I'm in the middle of an anxiety attack.  It should be especially helpful with school.  Last semester I freaked out rather often and spent quite a bit of time wandering around campus trying to calm down instead of being in class.  Obviously the more time I actually manage to stay in class the better.  I managed to do okay last semester but I know I would have done better if I had managed to sit through all of my classes.  I put together the anti-anxiety box so maybe instead of disappearing from classes for an hour or just not going back at all that day maybe I'll only be gone for 30 minutes.

Currently my anti-anxiety box contains: a slinky, my favorite book, some puzzle books, brain teasers of various types, a blanket, a sheet, a stuffed animal, coloring books and crayons, a notebook and pens, granola bars, family photos, my emergency anti-anxiety medication, hard candies, my Gameboy advance and games, playdoh, gum, bubbles, bottled water, stress ball, a small bottle of my dogs ashes, a light up superball, a squishy rubber dinosaur, string to make bracelets, a bandana my dog used to wear, and a set of Chinese ringing balls. I also always have my phone which is filled with relaxing music.

I usually don’t have panic attacks at home but if I do or if I’ve had a trying day, I’m currently in the process of turning my closet into an anti-anxiety room.  I’m agoraphobic and part of that is disliking open spaces (along with crowds, people, the outside and various other things) so the thought of hanging out in a small closet actually seems appealing.  I much prefer smaller spaces; they feel safer.  I’m strange, I know.