My Closet

Greetings Followers!

Been meaning to post but couldn't really thing of anything worth saying until a few days ago when Hannah M. made this comment: "Hello, new to your blog. Recently discovered it while goggling autism blogs. I'm curious as to if you finished putting your closet together and how it turned out?"

My closet is definitely something I can post about.  I'm not sure I'll have a whole lot to say but I can definitely post some pictures.  For those of you that don't know, back in August I made a post about putting together a distraction box for my anxiety attacks and also said that I was hoping to turn my closet into a sort of anti-anxiety chamber in which to decompress.  I've been working on it for a while and I think it serves it's purpose quite well.  It would have been done long ago if I actually had money to do it but I'm totally broke and so have been cobbling it together over the last five months.  It's mostly done.  There's a bit more I'd like to do.  Basically I just want to turn the one wall into a chalkboard, and add a string of Christmas net-lights across the ceiling, I tried to buy some after Christmas but they didn't work.  I'll also list where bought and how much some of the items cost.

The entrance to my closet from the outside.  My awesome pride flag covered in buttons.  Though technically that's the bisexual pride flag and I'm pan so I should probably invest in another one. Flag cost: 20$ from prideshack.com  Button cost: about 45$? over the past 4 years bought at mostly Spencer's and Hot Topic.

Front wall of the closet.  I have a small TV, no cable but it is hooked up to an old VCR/DVD player.  Also about every Disney movie made before 2003 on VHS, you can sort of see them at the top.  Clock/CD player.  I like things that light up. I also keep my computer and tablet in here.  Light up Globes: received as gifts 20$ each from Hallmark.  Fiberoptic light: 5$ at FiveBelow.  Police light: 5$ officeplayground.com  Pin art received as gift years ago but I think you can get them for like 15$.

Close up left half of bottom shelf.  Cra-Z sand received as Christmas gift was 5$ at walmart.  Newtons cradle.  Chinese ringing balls: 5$ office playground.com. Vintage Tigger jack-in-the-box.  Slinky pop tube.  Small box of non hanging fidgets contains, metal puzzles, light-up spiky ball, light up rail whirl-er, spare packs of stretching string, various other items.

First half of right wall.  I plan to add a chalkboard or white board, haven't really decided yet to the bottom half, and put a couple of plastic file holders on the top half for non-hanging fidgets. 

Second half of right wall.  Most of my hanging fidgets.  Hoberman sphere, geo-twister, iSpy wonder tubes, tangles, magic wire loops, bendeez, stretchy string, flexi-blox (one of my favorites), koosh ball.  Also two chewy necklaces and orange flavored chewy stick.  Family photos.  Fidgets purchased at officeplayground.com Chewies purchased at therappyshoppe.com and gotautism.com.

Back wall and ceiling.  Stick light purchased for 12$ at Home Depot.  Very bright and can be moved around.  I plan to get a couple more.  Glow in the dark stars 5$ at Walmart.

Back wall and floor.  You can't see it but this part of the floor up until the front shelf's is covered by a futon mattress, which is quite comfy.  I also got new pillows for Christmas so I put my old ones in here, much easier than dragging them back and forth.  A few stuffed animals.  Toucan Sam was sent to me after I wrote a letter to the company saying I liked Froot Loops.  And hiding behind Simba you can see a stuffed bear.  That is Baby Gund and he's older than I am.  My grandmother bought him for me before I was born.

 

Wall of Alan Rickman.  He's awesome.  I printed the pictures out and then covered the front with packing tape to make them a little sturdier.

Giant stuffed unicorn.  I named him Caspian.  Silas bought him for me for 40$ at Kroger.  You can't really tell but he's sitting on a bin full of dyed rainbow rice.  You can sort of see the ugly rug I have going into my closet.  When I get the money I plan to swap it out with a fuzzy blue one I found at Ikea for 40$.

Some of my favorite fidgets that weren't displayed.  Home made iSpy tube.  I took the container my fiber optics light came in, filled it with rainbow rice and small objects and sealed the ends with duct tape.  Works well and it make a pleasant noise when shaken or turned.  Carpet square taken from home depot it has a nice texture.  Balancing birds.  Light-up spinning globe.  Tangle.  Kinderemusik egg.  Slinkys,  Atom Ball.  Magnet dolphin sclupture.  Silicone pot holder, is quite stretchy and has a nice texture to it as well, it can also be chewed on.  Stretchy dollar bill and stretchy mice and cheese.  Blue and white Klixx fidget, is one of my favorites, makes a very nice clicking noise when manipulated, it usually hangs on the fidget wall.  Blue Tri-Chew also usually hangs on the wall.  iPop mini monster, you squeeze him and his eyes pop out.  Light up green spiky ball. 

Ceiling of closet under black light.  Purchased at Spencer's for 30$.

In the dark with everything lit up.

Christmas 2014

Happy Holidays to everyone.  I hope you had a good time this holiday season.  I certainly did.  I got some good gifts.  Pretty much everything I asked for.  I got new bed-coverings and pillows, a futon mattress for my closet, several gift-cards, several books, winter boots, a couple puzzles, some movies, clothes, contacts, magic sand, money, and various other items.  Everyone liked the gifts I got them.  Which I would hope they would seeing as I spent a small fortune.  I really enjoy buying people presents.

As I have for the last three years, I watched my aunts house.  Which worked out great because my stepsister and her family came down and I find the children quite annoying.  Spent some quality time away from my family.  Bought Titus a lot of toys.  He was certainly spoiled this past week.

Still have to exchange gift with my sister, Andie.  We're doing that on Wednesday.  And I'm meeting up with Theo tomorrow to exchange gifts with him.

That's pretty much it.  I've registered for classes for next semester.  Three classes.  Biology, which counts as two, lecture and lab. And English.  I really wanted to take Ethics with my professor from last semester but that class was filled so I'm going to try to take it next semester.

Why I Don't Want To Know About David

I received a comment asking why if David is my special interest, do I always tell Voloyda not to tell me about him.  There are several reasons.

• Reason One: I already knew most of what he was telling me.  David is my special interest; I have quite thoroughly researched him.  Granted I didn't know everything he told me but I did know most of it.
• Reason Two: I am trying to get over David.  Having new information about him isn't conducive to that.  The more I know about him and the more access I have to new information about him, the longer the obsession is likely to last.
• Reason Three: Voloyda is crazy enough without me encouraging him.  Letting him give me information without protesting is basically like saying 'Please go and get me as much information as you can by any means necessary.'  He already ran a background check on him, went through his garbage, and followed him around the city.  The last thing any of us needs, David included, is Voloyda breaking into his house or something.

I hope that answered your question.

School Update 3/Christmas Shopping

I passed my class with an A-.  Yay me.  Much improved from last semester.  My mother says I have to go full time next semester so I'm going tomorrow to meet with my adviser to register for classes.  So nervous about that: I hate talking to people.

I got all of my Christmas shopping done.  Purchased my last gift yesterday.  I have most of my wrapping done as well.  Waiting for my last package to arrive in the post and then I'll have all of my wrapping done.  I love wrapping gifts.  I find it fun and relaxing.  I spent tons of money this year, more than I could really afford to but I got everyone some nice gifts.  A lot of it was bought on Black Friday so I got some good bargains.  But I still ended up spending over $600.  For me not having a job that's quite a bit of money.  But I like to give people presents so I guess it was worth it. 

Thanksgiving/School Update 2

I hope that all of my American followers had a nice holiday weekend.  And a nice weekend for everyone else as well.  We had our Thanksgiving dinner yesterday evening instead of Thursday because we went shopping.  I got nearly all of my Christmas shopping done.  I only have two gifts left to buy, three gifts if you count a present for my aunts dog.  Who I shall be watching over the Christmas holiday's as I have done for the last three years.  It's nice to get out of the house for a week.

I only have two days of classes left for school.  We have to do presentations about who our favorite 'superhero' is.  I'm doing mine on Temple Grandin.  Mostly because we have to choose a person we can relate to, but I never really relate to people.  Everyone seems so different from me, I think it's the autism.

Obsessions

A common behavior present in autistic people is an interest in a specific subject or topic.  The topic can be pretty much anything: a TV show, train schedules, World War I, sprinkler systems, people.  In autistic people these are often referred to as special interests or obsessions.  What sets an autistic person's special interest apart from a neurotypical's hobby is the intensity and duration.  (Neurotypical often shorted to 'NT' is a term used by the autistic community to describe people who are not autistic.)  A NT with the hobby of golf might enjoy going golfing, looking at golf related gear and reading golfing magazines; an autistic person with golf as their special interest will spend massive amounts of time, energy and often money learning everything they possibly can about the subject to the exclusion of all else.

For as long as I can remember I've always had an obsession with one thing or another.  Sometimes they were normal and age appropriate (Scooby Doo, Harry Potter, TV show LOST) and sometimes they weren't (hobos, prosthetic limbs, my 55-year-old boss.)  They usually last a few years before they disappear, usually when there is nothing more to be learned on the subject or a new interest develops.  Some of them last longer than others; such as hobos.  Which my parents found endlessly annoying because apparently a 10-year-old who talks about nothing but homeless people is embarrassing.  Other obsessions come and go; Harry Potter has been probably my greatest and longest lasting obsession.  It's come and gone several times and has been my most prominent obsession for probably a total of about nine or ten years.  Harry Potter and David are my current obsessions.  Some people have said that religion is also an obsession of mine but I wouldn't classify it as such.  I define an obsession as an all-encompassing desire to study and learn all there is to know about a subject to the exclusion of all else.  An obsession takes up a massive amount of your time, energy and thoughts.  I enjoy learning about religions but I do not feel compelled to do so.  Here are my main obsessions in the order that I had them: Scooby Doo, hobos, Harry Potter, prosthetic limbs, Harry Potter, LOST, Harry Potter, David.  Still trying to get over David.  It's not that I mind having David as my special interest but I wish it was something else.  He fascinates me and I enjoy knowing about him but at the same time I know that it's weird and I wish it was something else.  It's been about two years now so I'm hoping it will stop sometime soon.  I've tried to phase it out by trying to find a new obsession but so far nothing has worked. It appears that I'll just have to wait it out and continue looking for something new to pique my interest.

Halloween/Autism Results

I love Halloween.  Didn't enjoy it as much as I usually do because I was babysitting my cousins and had to take them trick-or-treating.  It was very cold and raining.  Would have much preferred passing out candy at my grandmothers as I usually do.

Yesterday was also David's birthday, he's 56.  Which is still not that old.

I had my last autism appointment yesterday and received my results.  They told me that I have high-functioning autism.  I was not surprised.  I was a little upset.  Not upset that I have autism; I'm perfectly fine with that.  I was upset that the plethora of doctors and mental health professionals I've been seeing since I was three somehow managed to miss it for the last twenty years.  How much better would I be today if I had been diagnosed when I was younger and received the proper services?  My guess would be 'substantially.'  I was told last night by my aunt's partner who is a nurse and who works at a psychiatric hospital that she told my mother over ten years ago that she thought I should be tested for autism but my mother said I was fine.  I don't know whether I should be happy she didn't think there was anything wrong or upset that I missed out on ten years of having a diagnosis.  I haven't seen her since my appointment but we shall defiantly be having an in depth discussion about it.  It is nice to finally know what's wrong with me.  At least now I know there's a reason for my bizarre behaviors.

Nicholas Goober

Today's post has nothing to do with me and is instead a memorial post for my fur-baby Nicky.  Today was his birthday.  If we hadn't had to put him to sleep he would be thirteen.

Hanging out on the back deck, showing off his tumor.  Which was non-cancerous but we did end up getting removed.

Chilling on the chair he's not supposed to be sitting on.  Bad boy.

This is one of my favorite pictures of him and I have it as my desktop background.  Just taking a nap.

Resting on the lawn after a tiring game of Frisbee and fetch.

Playing in the snow, which he loved.

Mauling Elmo.  Though he was different than most dogs in that he didn't tear up stuffed animals, he just sucked on them and filled them up with saliva and left damp patches on the carpet which weren't very fun to step in.

Giving me an evil look in protest of having gotten a haircut.  He does not look happy about it.

Opening a Christmas gift.  It was a stuffed monkey.

Social Cues Part Two

On my last post about social cues a couple of people expressed interest in another post on the subject.  Here are some more social norms I’ve noticed.

• When talking to someone try to make sure your comments go with the conversation.  For example if someone says ‘I bought a new car.’ Your response should not be ‘I read a book about 18^th century France.’ I have a hard time with this one.  If I don’t know what to say I’ll either say nothing which makes for long awkward pauses or I’ll say the first thing that comes into my head, which if it doesn’t relate to the conversation also creates awkward pauses.  Try to make sure your statements are relevant.
• When one is in a public place whether it be at a store, restaurant, or school it is important to leave your shoes on your feet. 
• When in an elevator make sure you’re facing the door.  It’s considered odd to face the back of the elevator.  This is true for most elevators unless the elevator has a glass back that you can see out of.  It’s still rather odd but not as odd as to just be staring at the back wall. 
• Try not to talk to yourself in public.  People will think you are crazy.  I usually try to contain it, but if I can’t I’ll put headphones in (the apple ones that have the mouth piece) so people think I’m talking on the phone.
• Don’t bring unusual or unnecessary objects with you out in public.  This is more acceptable for children but as you get older you’re expected to stop bringing useless items with you.  Because I move around so much and am easily distracted, I usually have a few things in my backpack to help keep me focused.  I bring a few fidget toys with me to class every day because I listen much better when I have something to do with my hands.
• Don’t sit down on the floor in public places, especially if there is a chair.  I’ve found that there are several exceptions to this though.  It is acceptable to sit on the floor at school if you are waiting in the hallway for your class.  And you can sit on the ground outside but only if you’re either sitting on the curb or steps or at a park or like a grassy area.
• Don’t criticize people who haven’t asked you to do so unless it’s absolutely necessary (e.g. they are about to fail an important project or embarrass themselves in some way).  I tend to be very blunt and overly honest with people.  For example: if someone comes up and asks you how they look in their new outfit and you think they look terrible, it’s probably not a good idea to voice that particular opinion.  Instead you should say something like: ‘that really isn’t your color’ or ‘you’d look better with a different style of shirt.’
• Don’t refuse to shake someone’s hand.  I have trouble with this one.  Because I don’t like to touch people, especially people I don’t know very well (as is often the case with hand shaking, you will rarely be expected to shake hands with people you’ve met more than a couple times).  I used to, and still do, occasionally, refuse to shake people’s hands. 
• Don’t pepper your conversations with phrases from another language or with obscure words or phrasing that most people won’t understand.  For example: if you are talking to your friend, unless your friend happens to be a Russian doctor, it would be out of place to start speaking in Russian and using advanced medical terminology. 
• When eating in public or with other people it is important to use the proper utensils and not your hands.  

The Yes Philosophy of Life

I've decided to post my essay for my philosophy class on the Yes Philosophy of Life. I really enjoyed writing the paper.  I think it gives a lot of insight for my reasons for living.  I did much better than I expected, and received 100%.  Here we go.

The Yes Philosophy of Life

Life is worth living only if you have something to live for. 
       I am an atheist and believe in no afterlife or re-incarnation. As such I try to live for the now, for this life, because it’s the only one I have. I believe that the goal of my life should be to be as happy and well-adjusted as I can and to leave a positive impact on the people I have encountered once I’m gone. In the movie “Yes Man”[1] the protagonist Carl Allen suffers a nightmare of his friends finding his dead body and remarking that he never did anything with his life. This nightmare motivates him to get out there and to try new things; he does so and makes both himself and his friends much happier because of it. This is the reason to live: to be happy and to impart happiness to others.
       As someone who has attempted suicide and who still sometimes has suicidal thoughts the reasons I have for living vary from day to day except the most prominent of them, which never changes: The main reason I am still alive is because my family would be upset if I died. “William James”[2] states that living for others is not a good enough reason for living. I disagree; if you are still able to derive pleasure from life and other people help to impart some happiness to you and you impart happiness to them in return, why would you want to intentionally hurt them by dying? If other people are your reason for living and bringing joy to them gives you happiness I see no reason why you shouldn’t live for that.
       When I was attempting suicide, I was standing in the road trying to get run over and my boss came over and yelled at me. He said “You're going to kill yourself that way... You would ruin someone's life like that? That's the most selfish thing I've ever heard.”[3] It made me realize that not only would I destroy the life of the person that ran me over but I would destroy my own life and the lives of my family and the others that cared about me. It is my right to live my life how I want to, and that includes dying if I wish it, but it is not my right to inflict unnecessary hardship on others.
       I live because I want to do something good with my life. I live because my family and friends will miss me if I’m gone and because it is not my right to inflict needless pain on others. I live because most of the time I enjoy being alive.
[1] Yes Man. Performed by Jim Carrey, Zooey Deschanel. United States: Warner Home Video, 2009. DVD.
[2] William James, The Will to Believe and Other Essays in Popular Philosophy (New York: Longmans, Green and Comapny, 1931). 32-62
[3] Evens, October. "Stalking My Ex-Boss." Stalking My Ex-Boss. March 11, 2013. Accessed October 12, 2014. http://stalkingmyexboss.blogspot.com/.
  
I think it sums up my thoughts on living quite nicely.