Conversation with Voloyda 17

Days until restraining order is lifted: 41

Voloyda sent me this picture of David's family on Facebook today.

V: I found this picture for you.  His sons are totally hot.  You should go after one of them.

O: Because that wouldn’t be weird at all.

V: You go after one of them to get close to David, it would be perfect.

O: Maybe if I had completely lost all touch with reality that might seem like a good idea.  But tenuous as my grip may be, I’m not that far gone.  So I’m inclined to say no.

V: You’re not even willing to try.

O: Why would I?  I’m already in a relationship.  And even if I wasn’t David’s sons would be just about the last people I would go after.

V: Why?  They could be totally awesome.

O: I’m sure they are.  But I’m not interested.

V: But it could work.  You get with one of the boys and after a while he would eventually introduce you to his parents.  Then you could make your move on David.

O: Out of the many holes in that plan the one that immediately springs to mind is the fact that I don’t know where his children are.  Nor do I wish to.

V: I know where they are
O: Of course you do.  Well even with that problem resolved I still see many holes.  The first of which is assuming I could get one of them to go out with me to begin with.  I would hazard a guess that David has told his children that someone was stalking him.  If someone my children’s age was stalking me the first thing I would tell my kids would be: do not under any circumstances go out with this person.  It also assumes that we would progress far enough into the relationship that he would introduce me to his parents.  And lastly it implies that David and his wife would be content with their son dating me.  I don’t ever see that happening.  Maybe something like I’m introduced and David’s wife punches me in the face and they toss me out, but I don’t see them ever being okay with it.
V: You don’t know that would happen.  Everything could work out fine.
O: Okay so let’s say everything goes well up until this point and I’ve not been beaten down or anything.  I’m supposed to convince David that he should cheat on his wife with me, his son’s girlfriend?  I don’t see any ethical problem there.
V: It was just a suggestion.
O: Thanks but no thanks.  I’m happy with the person I’m with.
V: Well if you’re not going to go after one of them, I might.  His children are very hot.
O: You don’t even know if they’re gay.
V: Doesn’t hurt to ask.

O: Well good luck with that.  And keep me out of it.  I don’t want to be a part of this when it blows up in your face.

I have no idea what Voloyda is thinking.  He's been trying to convince me to get back together with him since we broke up and now he wants me to hook up with one of David's children.  Because that is totally who I want to go out with, the son of the man who has a restraining order against me.  I see no way that could end badly.  What the fuck man?

When I Was Fired Part 1

Days until restraining order is lifted: 42

On the day I was fired I was on my way to The Store when my mother called me and told me that my aunt had died.  So by the time I got to work I was rather upset.  Though I don't know why I reacted the way I did.  I didn't really know her like at all.  I guess that is what some people would call 'the straw that broke the camel's back.'  I was already on a downward spiral and this was the breaking point.  I got to work and I was talking to Stacy.  I cursed about something and she left.  A few minutes later she came back and told me I had to go up to the office.  Stacy followed me up there.  She told me that someone had complained about my cursing.  David was sitting at one of the desks and told me to sit down.  I asked if I was being fired.  He told me I was.  I could feel a panic attack coming on.  My heartbeat was rapidly increasing and it was becoming difficult to breathe.  And then a great calm came over me.  Like everything would be okay.  My heartbeat and breathing returned to normal.  (This is apparently what a psychotic break feels like.  So if you end up feeling like this it's probably not a good sign.)  David was talking; I don't really remember what he said.  I said okay, stood up and calmly walked out of the office to my car.  I wrote a note to my mother, went inside, gave it to Annette and asked her to make sure my mother got it.  I went back outside, walked out to the road and while standing in the median I called my mother. I told her I loved her and that I was sorry.  I hung up and sort of just paced in the median for a minute or so and then Stacy and David came outside. 

Before I Was Fired

Days until restraining order is lifted: 49

My restraining order is almost over, just over a month and a half to go.  It has me thinking about everything that happened at The Store.  I am so sorry about everything that happened.  It wasn't my intention for things to go down the way they did.  What happened with David, I made the man fear for his life.  That should never happen.  No one should have to go through that.  And Annette and Minerva.  It shouldn't have happened.

I've decided to do a weekly update from now until the restraining order is lifted.  Every Saturday until the 22nd of March I will do a 'flashback' post about my termination from The Store and everything that happened up until the restraining order was put in effect. 

A couple of weeks before I was fired, Annette tried to get me to check myself into a hospital.  We went out so I could get some new piercings and I told her that I found the urn I wanted my ashes to be placed in.  It freaked her out a little and she called Minerva.  Minerva showed up and it pissed me off.  We weren't speaking at the time and it upset me that Annette had called her.  After I got my piercings we went out to dinner about a mile from The Store and Minerva started yelling at me and I got up and left.  I walked back to my car at The Store and drove home.  Annette kept calling me, asking me to come back.  She even offered to come over to my house and pick me up.  I told her no.  That if I really needed help I would call her and that I was thinking about taking a leave of absence in April to check myself in and try to pull myself together.  Minerva and I made up a few days later and everything went back to normal.  At least until I was fired.  

This is the urn I said I wanted.

School

Days until restraining order is lifted: 52

I've made it through my first couple of weeks of school in one piece.  No panic attacks or fainting.  I've even made a couple of friends.  And reconnected with an old friend of mine who I used to work with at The Store.  She asked if I was still working there.  I said I wasn't and told her everything that happened.  She said that was just like them to do that to someone.

Another Store related point: it is January 29th and I still have not received my W2s.  They have to be out by the 31st.  They only have two days left, what the hell is taking so long?  They usually give them out mid-January.  I wouldn't put it past them to keep my papers from me out of spite.

Letter to David Part 2

Days until restraining order is lifted: 53

I made this awesome card to mail to David when the restraining order expires.  On the front it says, "Thinking of you..." and on the inside "...reminds me to check the expiration date of the restraining order."  Hilarious, right?  It'll be perfect.  I just need to go and buy some cardstock to print it on and it will be all set.  I've written him a letter to go along with it.  I like to think it's slightly less crazy than the last one I posted on here.

David,

     I am so sorry for everything that happened.  I did not intend for things to go as far as they did.  I thought you were attractive and went about it the wrong way (obviously).  I knew nothing would happen between us but it was fun flirting with you.  I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable or frightened you or your family, it was not my intention.  I'm sorry.
     Thank you for saving my life.  Stacy may have been the one to pull me from the road but it was what you said that stopped me from jumping in front of the next car that came by.  You probably don't believe me but I did name my godson after you, Darrien Howard Thomas Aksin Stalin.  I also want to thank you for filing the restraining order.  My inability to purchase a gun has kept me alive thus far.  Thank you.
     I'm sorry for everything and I hope you can forgive me.

Wishing You the Best,

October

Two More Months

Days until restraining order is lifted: 59

Only two more months until my restraining order is lifted.  Yay!  Then I can put in my application for a gun.  I can hardly wait.

Snape's Birthday/Names

Days until restraining order is lifted: 72

Guess what day it is?  Severus Snape’s 54^th birthday.  He’s like only my favorite character ever.  Snape is totally hot.  I love Alan Rickman, he was absolutely perfect as Snape.  Yeah, in case you haven’t figured it out I’m a huge Harry Potter fan.  In fact some of the names I’ve picked out for my children (should I ever have any) are from Harry Potter.  And most of the other names are from books as well.

My favorite names:

Bellatrix Sophia Annette - (Harry Potter) (not from anything) (originally it was supposed to be for my friend but then I just fell in love with the name)

Severus Deveraux - (Harry Potter) (The Heir Trilogy)

Gideon Sebastian - (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World) (The Alchemist’s Son Series)

Sullivan Lysander - (not really from anything) (Harry Potter) as a bonus the name itself means “Dark-eyed Lion Man”

Dorian Leander - (The Chronicles of Vladimir Todd) (The Heir Trilogy)

I also really like the name Rochester (Jane Eyre) but I don't know what to pair it with.

Yeah my children with be rich with  literary references.

Voloyda's Craziness Part 18

Days until restraining order is lifted: 74

Voloyda was arrested the other day for public drunkenness.  Now usually I’d be happy with any misfortune that befalls him, but I dislike the police more than I dislike him (at least in this particular situation); so for this time I’m inclined to side with Voloyda.  Apparently Voloyda was hanging out at his cousin’s house, drinking and playing football.  The football was thrown over the fence into the alley so Voloyda stepped into the alley to retrieve it.  The cops were in the alley and arrested him for public drunkenness.  Now I’m all for the police cracking down on drunks and everything, but arresting someone for taking a few steps off private property to retrieve a football seems like a clear abuse of power, especially when public drunkenness is usually met with a citation and not an arrest.

Scaredy Cat

Days until restraining order is lifted: 111

We had our Thanksgiving dinner yesterday night instead of Thursday for a variety of reasons.  Well I had to take my grandmother home afterwards.  My grandmother is absolutely terrified of cats.  We pull up to her house and I see something on her stoop.  I was looking ‘what is that?’ and then it moved.  It was a big ass cat chilling on the front steps.  I was like: “Grandma, there’s a cat on your stoop.”  She said, “There better not be.”  And I was all “Well there is.” And then she told me to go scare it away.  I laughed at her until she told me to shut up.  It was hilarious.  I managed to get a picture of the cat before he ran off.   

Voloyda's Craziness Part 17

Days until restraining order is lifted: 113

Voloyda is driving me mad.  He’s being all nice and pleasant.  I hate it.  I prefer when he acts like an ass.  Which isn't to say I like it but it’s what I expect.  It’s normal.  And now he’s acting like a decent human being.  I don’t like it.  Seems a bit suspicious.  Makes me wonder what the fuck he’s up to now.