30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Day 25

Talk about meltdowns/shutdowns. Do you have them? How often? What are your triggers?

I have both meltdowns and shutdowns. The frequency really depends on what exactly is going on in my life both in general and on a day to day basis. On a large scale, if it’s during the school semester or while preparing for some sort of big change or a holiday when people invade the house it makes the threshold lower and I meltdown/shutdown more often. While during more sedate times, I’m usually better able to cope, they occur less frequently. Depending on the situation I can have them every few days to every month.

I think I’m more prone to shutdowns than meltdowns, though they both occur with some regularity. I don’t always notice I’m close to meltdown/shutdown but when I do it’s usually that I notice I’m very irritable but not really sure why. In cases where I notice I’m close to meltdown I can sometimes head it off by retreating to my room and watching a movie or sleeping.

During a meltdown, I usually end up shouting, pacing, crying, banging my head, acting illogically, my responses get shorter and more snarky, sometimes I just really want to scream and pound on the floor (I usually don’t do this anymore). Some of my common triggers are change of plans, doing too much socializing, lack of clarity in instructions, prolonged stress, sensory overload, being tired. Now I can usually handle these things happening individually or in pairs but if I’m already stressed out or if too many of them happen it can cause a melt/shutdown.

One of my biggest triggers is when things don’t go according to plan or don’t work properly. Obviously, most people get upset when things don’t work as they should but in my case, it seems to affect me more profoundly. I’m easily frustrated and not very patient. Something will go wrong and I kind of spaz out and usually end up lying on the floor for a while unable to move or think. I guess it I would describe it as a meltdown, followed by a shutdown. I get so agitated and upset, I usually pace or rock or cry and then that becomes too much to handle and I go into shutdown and end up lying face down on the floor or bed.