Talk about passing and/or being out. Are you out as autistic? How have people reacted? Do they treat you differently after they found out? Do you attempt to pass? If you do try to pass have you experienced autistic burnout from trying to pass?
I am out to basically everyone; family, friends, doctors, professors, fellow students. Once diagnosed I’ve never tried to hide the fact that I am autistic. For the most part people have been quite accepting and positive. There have been a few people who claim I can’t be autistic but the vast majority have been very accommodating.
Regarding my experience with attempting to pass/autistic burnout, about a year before I was diagnosed I was really struggling with trying to keep up appearances of being ‘normal’ and I genuinely felt like I was losing my grip on reality, I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. Things that had never bothered me before became such monumental tasks that I could not cope. I started having panic attacks/fainting spells at the drop of a hat, I started having instances where I could not force myself to leave the house, I dropped out of classes, my quality of work decreased and large amounts of time were either spent zoned out or hiding in the bathroom, I remember a specific instance where I ended up curled into the fetal position under a rack of clothes sobbing in the middle of my shift, I started withdrawing into myself and my special interest (which was quite inappropriately my boss). Basically, I was suffering from a combination of autistic burnout and severe depression, which came to a head when I was fired for my increasingly erratic behavior. My boss fired me and I figured the best solution was to go and stand in the busy road in front of the store and attempt to be run over. He pulled me out of the road (which certainly didn’t help me to get over him) and I ended up spending some time in the mental ward of the hospital.
It wasn’t until nearly two years later when I had gotten my diagnosis and done some research that I realized what I had been going through at that time was autistic burnout. After 22 years of trying to blend in and act normal, I said ‘screw this’ and stopped trying to pass. Receiving my diagnosis made me realize that no matter how much I tried I was never going to be normal, it was detrimental to my health to try to be normal, and frankly it seemed like a waste of time to try, so I stopped trying. I now rock and flap and chew and stim my way through life. It’s actually working out quite well for me. I’m generally much happier, though that is at least partially attributed to having a proper diagnosis.
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